The Mindless Thread

People who actually signed a contract for their 1st day of work and intended to fulfill it? ... 0 ... :ROFLMAO:
 
You know if you add a strobe light to your car the other cars won't seem to be moving at 10 PM
Have you ever seen the rare photograph of the Billionaire beating up someone?
 

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A friend will comfort you.
A good friend will comfort you and give you Solice.
Your best friend will kick you in your Arss and shove you down.

Ever watch a hottie jump into a puddle of muddy water?
It only takes one person to change everyone's mind.

I planned to dirt Bike Riding, it rained, then I went mud bike riding. I remember 3 years old again.
 
The Elderly couple are sort of lost on a cross-country drive.
They have become hungry, so they pull into a place to get something to eat.
At the counter, the Old Fart asks the waitress, "Can you tell me where
we are and say it very slowly?" The waitress looks at him and says:
"Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng."
 
I call my dog "Sex." Sex has been embarrassing for me to!
When I went to get his license, I told the clerk, "I would like to have a license for Sex."
The Hottie said, "I'd like to have one too." Then I said, "But this is a dog."
She said, "I didn't care what she looked like." Then I said,
"You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was a 9-year-old."
She said, "You must have been quite a kid."
____________________________________________________________________________________________

"When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took my dog with me."
"I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special stuff for Sex."
"He said that every room in the place was for sex". I said, "You don't understand, Sex keeps
me awake at night." The Clerk said, "Me too."
 
Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had ? So, because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.

I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, so it works well, & I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me, I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
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hollydolly said:
some cricket on the village green...

cricket-village-green.jpg
Click to expand...
Is it true that a single cricket game can go on for days? I seen this game a bit in movies, but never got the hang of how it was played.
 
Did Cricket or Field Hockey come first.
Jai alai / variations of the game with different equipment seems fun too.
 
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I used to enjoy NFL football until the recent protests of the national anthem turned me off. When baseball players went on strike years ago I quit watching them too. I played golf, not well, and enjoyed the outings, but cannot enjoy watching even the top professionals play. Both tennis and soccer absolutely bore me to tears. It saddens me when I see celebrity level actors or athletes profess to have all the social answers ever needed. I think we have enough politicians proving that is a fools errand. I guess I'm stuck being a curmudgeon, but I am good at it.
 
Did you know Wikiness is not Inherited, it must be learned.
Cricket is Boring! Haha. Horse Polo is Boring. U name it Brit’s are boring!
It took a Brit to be able to land a Vaught F4U Fighter on a ww 2 aircraft carrier. Now
That’s really boring!
 
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Apps announced today that it has developed a breast implant
that can store and play music. The " iTit " will cost from $499 to $699,
depending on cup size, speaker size, and storage capacity.

This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are
always complaining about men staring at their Boobs and not listening to them.
 
Is a dark, misty rain night.
The Marine Private is at his first post & on guard duty
He can't see much with all the moisture on his glasses !

The General steps out of his home & taking His dog
for a walk.
The nervous Private snaps to attention,
makes a perfect salute, and
snaps; "Sir, Good Evening, Sir ! "

The General, is out for some relaxation,
Returns the salute and says,
"Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?"

Private's not going to disagree with the General,
His glasses are fogged over with rain drops,
replies, "Sir, Yes Sir!".

The General continues,
"You know there's something about a stormy night
that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?"

The Private didn't agree, he can't see ****!
& is just a private on guard duty.
"Sir, Yes Sir!"

The General's pointing at his dog,
"This is a Golden Retriever,
the best type of dog to train."

The Private glances at the dog but
still the rain, moisture and fog is so bad !
He just answers; "Sir, Yes Sir!"


The General continues
"I got this dog for my wife."
The Private simply says,
"Good trade Sir " !
 
"But," protested the social worker, "are you never together as a family?"
"Sure, but not here," said the kid through the door. "This is the outhouse!"
 

did you hear abut the Enigizer Bunny? “Nothing can stop the bunny,” & he gets run over by a F150!
 
The 18 year teen comes home with a new F150
His parents look at the truck and ask, "Where did you get that truck?!" "I bought it today," he says. "With what money?" says his mother. SHE knew what a new F150 cost.
"Well," he says, "this one cost me just fifteen dollars." The father looks at him like he's crazy.
"Who would sell a New F150 truck like that for fifteen dollars?" he asks.

"It was the lady up the street," says the Teenager. "I don't know her name - they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy her F150 for fifteen dollars."
"Oh my Goodness!" says the mother. "Maybe she's mentally ill or has Alzheimer's something. John, you better go see what's going on."

So the boy's father walks up the street to the house where the lady lives and finds her out in the yard calmly planting petunias. He introduces himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a new Ford F150 truck for fifteen dollars and asks to know why she did it.

"Well," she says, "two days ago my husband left on a business trip. Yesterday I got a phone call from his boss and found out that he really ran off to Hawaii with his secretary and doesn't intend to come back."

"Oh, my goodness, I'm so sorry," the father says. "But what does that have to do with my son and your truck?" "Well, this morning he called and told me he was stranded because he got robbed of his wallet with all his credit cards and cash. He told me to sell his new F150 and send him the money. So I did
 
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