The Mindless Thread

there was an irishman/welshman/scotsman and englishman who had been chummin up for quite some time when the englishman says " we've been gettin on quite well heh lads, we should form a club OK?" so the all said OK OK OK. So the englishman said " OK we've got a K then lets keep it short [you can see whats comin can't ya?] - but we could be all day pickin another out of either 18/29/18 - 25 letters - how about I just pick one other and the three other dying for a drink shouted OK - " good said the pommie we've got the U and a unanimous K - we'll call it UK for short - "great said the other three now lets get down the pub and celebrate" and thus it has been so ever since?? - OK I'll get me coat and hat !!
 

Guy catches his thumb in a Meat Slicer.
Once he gets it bandaged real good his wife
Sews it, "Thumb 3 times its normal size,"
to the Lower Tummy part of his shirt.
That way he can't see it.
The next day she sews it to the back of his jeans.
Later it falls off and she attaches it to a large balloon.
Brandon orders the balloon shot down as it enters the States.
 

A mate of mine used to boast he had excellent cooking skills - another mate used to quietly whisper - " yea ya just got see him tossing his lettuce in his undies and pinafore - quite a sight!"
 
yes I can/used to be attracted to those ! - there is a south sea island practice talked about by your author Paul Theroux in his

The Happy Isles of Oceania: Paddling the Pacific - in which he describes the annual practice of ill clad women being permitted to roam the islands and on coming across any wandering male - strip him of his resources? I'm not sure now but I think he describes it happening to himself but could be wrong - you would have to content yourself with reading the book!​

 
There once was a Red Indian whose given name was "Onestone". So named because he had only one testicle.
He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment,
Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got
around and nobody called him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone."
He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night.
He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone
meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name
until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years.
Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said,
"Good to see you, Onestone." Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made
love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night,
but Yellow Bird wouldn't die! So what is the moral of this story?????............................
You can't kill two birds with one stone!!
 
A surgeon is relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from The Clinic.
He's tuning into the evening news and the phone rings. The doctor calmly answers it.
A familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.
"We need a fourth for poker," says the friend.
"I'll be right over," whispers the Surgeon.
So, he jumps up and grabs his coat then, his wife asks, "Is it serious?"
"Oh yes, quite serious," says the doctor gravely.
"Three doctors are there already!"
 
Today it's a Threesome playing golf. The Hole has a wicked dogleg with a large water hazard.
The first of the threesome steps up to the tee and hits a sharp slice into the water hazard.
He walks up to the water; it parts and he lofts his ball within one foot of the hole.
The next golfer steps up and hits his ball. Sure enough, he slices it and it lands on top of the water.
He walks across the surface of the water and hits the ball within six inches of the hole.
The third golfer removes a 2 iron from his bag & steps up to his tee, hits the ball, and slices it. The ball is just about to land in the water when a Trout jumps out of the water and grabs the ball it in his mouth, then an eagle swoops down, scoops up the fish, then flies off. As the eagle banks near the green, lightning strikes it, & as the Fish falls from the Claws, the Trout swats the ball with its tail, it lands in the hole for a hole in one.
Moses turns to Jesus and says, "I really hate playing golf with your dad."
 
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the Lil Johnny.
A Rep calls him and asks for a donation. "Would you like to give back to the community in some way?"
Well, Lil Johnny thinks about it for a moment and replies. "First, my Mom is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Lil Johnny then says, "My brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
"My sister's husband died in a traffic accident, leaving her penniless with three children?!"
"So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
 
At the grocer where they have piped in music. While looking up, I asked the cashier at check-out ...
"Do ya'll have music lessons on the second floor, 'cause I keep hearing something?"

Got out of my Jeep at the grocer and saw a button. Picked it up and put it in my pocket.
With palm extended and a blue button, asked the cashier at check-out ...
"Has anyone asked about a lost button, 'cause I found one in the parking lot?"
"If not, can you keep the button in your lost 'n found in case they do come back?"

At the grocer and my total came to "Nine Fifty Six". I told the cashier ...
"I thought it was earlier than that."

Yes, she's cute. Yes she laughed.
 
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