The Mindless Thread

It's late at night and lil Johnnys Bro has a coughing fit.
Well, Lil Johnny can't get any sleep. He goes looking for
Cough syrup, then Cough drops. Finally he comes back
with a full bottle of Laxatives and gets his lil bro to take it.
When the Parents awake they find the lil Bro huddled against
the wall shivering but not coughing. They ask Lil johnny what
he did and Lil Johnny says, We didn't have any Cough syrup or
Cough drops so I gave him Laxatives. Lil Johnnys mom says,
"You can't give Laxatives for a Chest Cold." Lil Johnny answers,
"He's afraid to cough!"
 
The young Blonde has taken golf lessons with the Club Pro and
starts playing golf with a Blonde Foursome when she gets stung.
Her pains so intense that she has to return to the clubhouse.
She sure needs medical assistance as fast as her Cart can go.
The golf pro sees and says, “You are back early, what’s wrong?”
“I was stung by a bee!” she cries out. “Where?” he asks.
“Between the first and second hole,” she replies.
Well, Lil Johnny the famous golf pro nods his head and says,
“Your stance is too wide.”
 
This may be too much mind! :LOL: A friend of mine posted this on Facebook. She's a writer and she's smart as a whip. And this is truly how her mind works! :ROFLMAO:
"Someone asked me last night why I never smoked or drank? I had to actually think about the reasoning because I have other vices but not these 2 and then I heard my mind saying "because you think of things like when aliens come to Earth will they have to be baptized...and when they procreate will they have to live by the reversed Roe V Wade... and will they already know how to do the electric slide or someone have to teach them...will they agree with Hawkings, DeGrasse-Tyson, Jensky...will they use credit cards, cash, or bitcoin...will they have a preference between meat and veganism...how about the thought process that goes on between iPhone and androids...will they be telepathic thus no need for either android or IPhone...do they have a cure for cancer...are they cancer...this can go on FOREVER so try to picture me with a joint or/and a couple of drinks in me!!!!!!! And no I am not making this up!!!"
 
Trucker came into a Truck Stop Café and places his order,
“I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a set of running boards.”
The blonde Hottie waitress, not wanting to appear totally stupid, goes
to the kitchen and says to the cook, “There's a guy out there who just
ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a set of running boards...
What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?”
“No”, the cook laughingly said. “What he wants is three flat tires...
means three pancakes; a pair of headlights... is two eggs sunny side up;
and a pair of running boards... are 2 slices of crisp bacon!”
“Oh... OK!”, said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and
then spoons up a bowl of beans and gives it to the customer.
The trucker says, “I didn't order the beans, so what are the beans for?"
She replies, “Well, I kinda thought while you are waiting for the flat tires,
headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!”
 
Gary goes to his Doc. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams.
First, I'm in the Biker Bar; then I'm at Gay Bar, then I'm at Straight Bar.
I can't get any rest, all night it's toss & turn. I tell you; it's driving me crazy.
Can you help me Doc? What's wrong with me?"
"It's very simple. You're 3 Bars short of Loaded," says Dr. Lil Johnny.
 
Guy is touring through the South and he decides to buy a Gilt piggy.
He stops at the Piggy Farm and says, "I want to buy a 20 lb. Gilt feeder.
The Owner nods, walks out into the Hog Feed lot with the guy,
picks up a Lil Gilt Piggy by its tail then holds it with his teeth and says,
"This one will go a little over a 20 lbs. Guy says, "Who are you trying to fool?
You can't weigh a pig that way". The farmer laughs calls to his young son,
"Boy, come over here and weigh that Gilt Piggy for this guy". The boy obliges.
Lifts the young piggy by its tail puts it in his teeth, turns to his father and says,
"This here lil Piggy weighs right near 20 lbs. So, the Guy is having no part of this and
in order to convince him, the farmer tells his son to go to the house and get his mother.
"Ask your mother to come out here & weigh this Gilt Piggy," After a short delay, the son returns.
"Ma says she will be right down after she's finished weighing the mailman."
 
Lil Red Riding Hood has been around for a long long time and we all know the Story.
Have you heard Lil Johnnys Big Bad Wolf Story?
Once there was a Cabin in the Woods and the Animals and birds would file past it daily.
So Serene and peaceful it was! Many years past, Lil johnny would go and play and frollic.
His friends and Classmates + mean sisters would all have fun there in the woods.
Then one morning, very early, Grandmother is in her bed reminiscing when,
In bursts a mean old Wolf demanding all her Money. Well Lil Johnnys
Grandmother shows her 44 Magnum Revolver and says,
You're gonna do it just like in the Rhyme. ...
 
Q. You know the bird responsible for love?
A. Dove

Q. You know the Bird responsible for Birth Deliveries?
A. Stork

Q. You know the bird responsible for death?
A. Old Buzzard.

Q. You know the Bird that's responsible for Birth Control?
A. Swallow
 
Health care costs are rising uncontrollably across the world.
Taxes have been on the rise just to pay for them.
They have begun rationing health care services and in some
cases they have waiting lists for services just to reduce costs.
Medicare has deleted waiting list Ditch Burials. Dr's. are
accepting Gold Dentures and Alligator / snake skinned Wallets,
boots and purses. Surgeries are in home EV Mini Van arrivals.
Drones are delivering the US mail, maybe a lil wet but finally on time.
The Cars self drive so now even the Blind can go wherever they want.
 
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I told them I would be there.
It's a week, then a month,
the years add up but still
I haven't returned there!
 
Bob and Toby open a Frozen yogurt stand.
Bob is in charge of Hiring the Girls to tend the drive thru.
Toby tends to the Frozen yogurt stand fixes.
Days go past, evenings fled, the Hotties.
congregate and the Guys hang around.
One day a Billionaire says, "I like your business."
"Can I buy it" and the Hotties screamed," yes!"
 
Did you know you can change the time of the stuff happened in the past?
Have you ever had someone tell you their phone number rapidly?
You heard the numbers but had no real clue to what rhythm order they were in.
in other word you may cognitively perceive time in the wrong order.
So does time pass in sort of a disordered direction of information.
our reflexes many times act before we perceive of a provocation.
Say someone pricks us with a hat pin, well we jump but our brain
Hasn't yet perceived why & no time has passed. According to it
we haven't perceived a reason to move. Yet we did anyway. Then we
feel some pain. Is pressure another example? You feel really pressured
and time seems to drag so slowly, migraines and dark rooms. Maybe
you thrive on pressure, the harder it is the faster time flies by. Is your
time just a mental state of mind? Sleep and time flies past your window!
 
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The blonde makes the appointment with the Hair Salon.
She comes in with green streaks and the stylist says,
"That's different..." The blonde sneezes, wipes it on her hand
and runs her hand through her hair and says, "It's natural!"
 
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