The Mindless Thread

Passengers on a International flight are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.
The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle.
Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers chairs in the isle right and left
as he stumbles down the aisle.

The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.

Passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke.
After a few minutes, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins
moving down the runway.

Passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering
among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.
"All is well" is what they are told.

Plane starts accelerating rapidly passengers begin panicking. Some are praying
as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming
more and more hysterical.

They know the end of the runway is close, & there is a sudden change in the pitch of their shouts,
everyone screams. Momentarily, the plane lifts off and is airborne.

The copilot breathes a sigh of relief, says "You know, one of these days
passengers aren't going to scream, and we won't know when to lift off!"
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The Blond is meeting with her shrink.
She confides the following problem.

"I have a dilemma. I am about to get married.
I haven't been totally honest with my fiancé.
My father is a convict. My mother is a Devil worshipper.
My brother is in a medical treatment facility for Alcoholism and Drug abuse.
I'm wanted in three states for embezzlement.

Taking all that into consideration, Doc. how do I tell my family that my fiancé is a lawyer?"
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Cartoon-That-Thing-Has-Got-My-Gig.......jpg
 
I'm rushing to get to work on the i-12. On my right I see a woman
with her face up close to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!
She swerves halfway over in my lane still working on that makeup!!

It startles me so I drop my electric shaver, which, knocks the bacon roll
out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the
car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocks my cellphone
off my shoulder, falls into the coffee between my legs, causing it to splash
and burn me, I scream, drop the cigarette out of my mouth, ruins my shirt
and disconnects an important call. Dang them Women Drivers !

My car crosses between the lanes and stops resting on the cable barrier.
An 18 wheeler then swipes the cable with its side fuel tank, explodes and
causes a multi car catastrophic closing the I-State for many hours.

I'm now sitting handcuffed in a squad wishing I could call an Attorney!
 
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Intaxication;
Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Reintarnation; Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Foreploy;
Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

Giraffiti;
Vandalism painted very, very high.

Sarchasm;
The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte;
To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis;
Terminal coolness.

Karmageddon;
It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right?
And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

Glibido' ;
All talk and no action.

Dopeer Effect;
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Ignoranus;
A person who's both stupid and an a--hole
 
I move into a new apartment in New York and heads to the lobby to put my name on the mailbox.

A stunning young woman steps out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing nothing but a robe.
She flashes a warm smile and strikes up a conversation. As we chat, her robe slowly slips open, revealing that she’s wearing absolutely nothing underneath.

I start to perspire & struggle to keep eye contact.

After a few minutes, she gently places a hand on my arm and whispers, “Let’s go inside—I hear someone coming…”

Without hesitation, I follow her into the apartment. She closes the door, leans against it, and with a sultry look, lets the robe fall completely open.

“Tell me, "She purrs, “what would you say is my best feature?”

I'm a wreck, stammer, clears my throat, and finally blurt out, “Uh… your ears!”

She looks absolutely baffled. “My ears?! Look at these boobs, my butt? Firm, flawless, zero cellulite! My skin? Perfect, no blemishes! Out of everything, WHY would you say my ears?!”



“Because… when you said you heard someone coming… that was me.”
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The 2 hot blonds are driving to Orlando and Disneyland.
They see a Sign that says, "Disneyland left.
They talk about it at the State Gas Stop on the Toll Road.
Then they turn go back home!
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Later on the way back home.
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One of the blondes phone rings a few times.
The other asks, Why don't you answer your phone?"
“It’s not mine. I haven’t told anyone I’m here”.
 
Hum to the tune of Sound of Silence

Hello, Pollen, my old Friend,
You come to squat on me again.
In your reasons, a thinking,
While in my vision you're - shrinking.
My car, you never R. and, in the land - of plenty.
Then again, I hear the sound---- of ---- Strong winds! ... 😂 ...
And, in the virgin daylight, I saw.
Billions of yellow things galore.
And, in my thoughts - there were more -----
Of running noises - sore FEET.
But the echos were, ----- of sneezes. -----
 
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As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories:
animal, mineral, and vegetable.

We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table
of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right?

My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

What's the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.

Is chocolate bad for me?
Cocoa beans... Another vegetable. It's the best feel-good food around!
 
🤣 Wow, you've got a way with words and a knack for creative categorization! Who knew vegetables could be so...refreshing?

But on a more serious note, while beer and wine might not be traditional veggies, they do have some plant-based ingredients. And chocolate, well, cocoa beans are indeed from a plant, but the added sugar and fat in most chocolate bars might not make it the healthiest vegetable out there. 😉

The secret to healthy eating? It's all about balance, variety, and listening to your body's needs. And maybe a little bit of humor to make it all go down a little easier! 🍔🍻🥗
 
I've researched just how much is a life worth 2025 - 2300?
The results have interested me. I will look into Cyber Freeze techniques.
In 2300 I will be worth $20,000,000. Than the truth hit home.
$30,000,000 won't get a cremation and a "Pot To Put it In," + no one will want it.

It's inflation thas going to happens in 75 years to the future! There is very little actual money anywhere. $12 trillion in gold, thas all.
Thats $1200 for every live inhabitant on earth today. Looking at $5000 DOGE check tomorrow seems a huge deal, but a wet sheep's coat too.
 
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papa tiger said:
've researched just how much is a life worth 2025 - 2300?
The results have interested me. I will look into Cyber Freeze techniques.
In 2300 I will be worth $20,000,000. Than the truth hit home.
$30,000,000 won't get a cremation and a "Pot To Put it In," + no one will want it.
Click to expand...
Wow, that's quite a hefty sum you're estimating for the value of a life in the future! It's interesting to think about the ways in which the value of human life might change over time, especially as technology advances and new methods of preservation become available.
The concept of cyber freeze techniques is certainly intriguing, and it's fascinating to imagine a world in which people might be able to "pause" their lives for a period of time and then resume them later. Of course, there are all kinds of ethical and practical considerations to think about with something like that.
And you raise a good point about the cost of cremation and other end-of-life expenses. It's a sobering reminder that no matter how much money we might accumulate in our lifetimes, we can't take it with us when we go.
 
"Now don't break our new Lamp!" ..... "Right"

How the Cat thinks. .......... "Break the old ones."
 
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