Time for my husband and I?

A

Ann

New Member
Husband and I have been married 48 years. We have worked hard and raised our children to be grown self sufficient adults. We all live within 10 miles from one another. We have been in our home for 43 years and are now wanting to move out of state. Recently we discovered an active adult community in Arizona that we just love. We have visited 3 times and realize we would love to move there. The area has biking, walking, hiking, golf, swimming all year long.
Now it’s time to sell the house and make the move and our grown children are laying on the guilt and don’t think we should leave them. They are taking the joy out of our next new exciting stage in life
This is our time in life....are we being selfish?
Has anyone else dealt wit a similar circumstance? All advice is welcomed
 

Well, I'm struggling with this question a bit.

I have 5 kids and 10 grandkids....so far. ;) Personally, I find it a hardship that one of my children, his wife and 4 of my grandkids are across the country from me. The rest are here in town, and I wish that we were all together in the same place. We have always been a very close family. I have never entertained the possibility of moving away from the 4 children and their families who are here. My fiancé, long before he was my fiancé, raised the question of moving out of state, and I was unequivocal in my answer. So I'm having to get past the notion that someone might want to do that, so that I can answer objectively.

And my best shot at objectivity is that it isn't your children's call. You are entitled to your own life and your own decisions. That said, I have to assume that their negative reaction to this comes from their own sense of loss at no longer having you close. I've realized over time that kids, even adult children raising little ones of their own, don't typically relish losing any degree of connection with their parents if the relationship is a good one. If it's not, then it seems to be a case of the further away the better!!
 

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When we retired 10+ years ago we considered moving to Florida or Hawaii. My son said "Hawaii wasn't a family friendly choice", so we moved to Florida. In ~7 years, he & family visited once for about 2 or 3 days. So we moved to Hawaii for a few years. (I am now in AZ). Moral of the story - do what you want to do.

p.s. - AZ is a great choice - love it here.
 
It’s YOUR life Ann. It’s your time. It’s YOUR decision.
Your children are being selfish.
If your heart is yearning to be there and it’s a feasible decision, then why not?
Your kids will get over it and if not then, oh well.
 
Ann, you knew the answer to your own question before you posted.
No, you are not being selfish. Your kids are being greedy, selfish pigs.
They don't want you to sell the house because they want more estate $$.
If they're self-sufficient they can come visit you in Arizona.
Tell them you're selling the house and that's all there is to it. End of discussion. Sell move, do what YOU want.
They can only lay a guilt trip on you if you ALLOW it. Stop wringing your hands and grow a backbone.

Friends of mine moved from east coast to Sun City West, AZ. They love it. :)
 
If that's what you want then do it. After my daughter married a man in the military they lived all over the United States. I thought I'd never get to really know my grand kids. We traveled across country twice to visit them in Oregon and had a wonderful time. Then it was Texas and Florida. Between visits we stay close on Facebook with photos and videos. The country seems much smaller now with so many options for keeping in touch. We are 5 hours away now but should they move I'm not worried. We all will find a way to be together. Enjoy the next stage of your life anyway you choose.
 
Ann,you are not being selfish,follow your heart so you&hubby can enjoy the rest of your lives
Its time for your kids to let go,they'll survive and so will you Sue
 
I wish I lived nearer my children but that’s because I’m a widow now, didn’t have such a problem when my husband was still alive even though I obviously missed my children..I don’t like being too isolated from them now.

My daughter is only a 3 hr drive away but my son is in Illinois....quite a distance from CA.

Could you or would you be able to move back if your husband died? Something you should think about ...hate to be a downer talking about death but it happens...happened to me.
 
Wow, a lot of posters here are making broad assumptions about your children's motives. Maybe they just love having you close by and don't want to see you leave.

You and your husband are the only "votes" that count in changes to your lives. Do what the two of you want and if you have a good relationship with your children they will ultimately be happy for you. If you have a poor relationship with your kids then who cares what they think.
 
Ann, I'll just repeat my reply to you that I gave in your introduction thread.

You and your husband have devoted your whole life to your family, now is the time in your golden years to do something that makes the two of you happy. What is the reason your adult children give for not wanting you to go? They can always come and visit you if they like. The only thing I would keep in mind is if something happens to your husband, you may no longer want to be in AZ, you may want to move back to be near family.....but you can decide about that if or when the time comes.
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You should do what you want to Ann. We are close to our children and love spending time together. There is a closeness living near each other that you can not get with visits. We have a son and granddaughter who live over 5,000 miles from us and 2 children and 4 adult grandchildren who are from 30 miles to 200 miles away. Close is so much better for our family.
 
Oldguy said:
Did you have a say in who your children married? Or what job they have? Or where they live?...no, then they have no say in what you do.
Follow your dreams.
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I agree here, and I'll add......

I wish I would have moved there..[or any warmer climate] when I first retired. When my body could do & enjoy some of the activities you noted. Point being....don't put it off !
 
We did it whle still in our 50's and never regretted it. We loved it there. Eventually, we returned, as most people do if they live long enough to need various kinds of help from their children. But as long as you are independent, this is the time
to fulfill your own dreams.
 
Thank you all for responding. We have 3 grown children, one child is telling us to just be happy but the other 2 think we have lost our minds and should stay put. We meet with our Relator this Friday. :eek:
 

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