To the single dating crowd? Divorce vs Widowed relationships. Your thoughts.

Vicky said:
I know that common interest should prevail within a relationship, but do divorce and widow/widowers have the equal probability of forming a good relationship?

I met both divorce and widowers. It seems like the divorce people want more space than the widowers. My theory is that they usually had a painful divorce and learned to live a life without the opposite sex. They carry more fears of going into another relationship. On the other hand, the widowers seem to miss their former spouse and try to look for someone similar to the one who passed away. They have lived a life with someone and can easily ease into another relationship. They desire the constant companionship of another, and understand(bend) to the needs of the other. Whereas the divorce person seems to want freedom, more individuality, and asks what must I give up to keep that person, can I live with her/him.

I know there are couples out there that have joined together that are divorce and widowed.
I ask the single dating crowd, what are your thoughts? Tell me of your experiences.
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All I know is what I have read. I have read that people who were happily married once are more likely to find a happy realtionship the 2nd time around because they know the good from the bad, if that makes sense? In other words, since they were simpatico the first time, they won’t settle for less than simpatico the 2nd time.

ON THE OTHER HAND, I don’t know if that generality can apply to men. What I have read about older men, especially if they were married a long time, is that they hate being alone and are vulnerable to bad relationships the next time around because some women are looking for a man with money first and everything else second.

As for women, as you have noticed, many women who were with someone for many years before being single are busy enjoying their freedom. I think this especially applies to women who were also moms and caregivers of their late spouses or other extended family members.

It’s a lot of thankless, honor-less, often lonely work to care for so many people for 20, 30, even 40 years. If she was lucky, maybe her husband left her an estate and a home to live in until she dies, but not all couples have been that lucky. Same with kids. If the single parent was lucky and blessed, maybe the adult kids help care for them. But many parents and adult kids have painful estrangements and the older parent cannot count on the kids to step up to help with much of anything as they age.

That is what I have read.
 
Women are better at forming close, lasting relationships with other women, than men are with men. Maybe that’s why women are happier single. I do know that most women in the 65+ area don’t want to get married again. I suspect it’s because blending two families is hard. I don’t know for sure. Everybody is different.

I know that in my group travels it is not unusual to see two lady friends traveling together. Or two sisters with a female cousin, or with mom or three generations Mother - daughter - granddaughter. Men rarely travel with other men. Father—son? Never saw it. Two buddies? Only one time. Though I was on one tour where there were three father-daughter combos. That was highly unusual.

Many widows have often spent years caring for a husband who slowly melted away. That’s why they don’t want to marry and have to deal with such care giving again. But, they often do want a man in their life, and they can be quite forward about what they want in terms of health, economic status, and ability to do things like fix a leaky faucet or change a flat tire. Mostly, they want a guy they feel safe with. If the lady feels safe, wonderful experiences can blossom.
 

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