Trying to get, constructive rise. Instead, getting nothing!!!

Supernatural

Supernatural

Senior Member
Wondering what's wrong with my friend of over 40+ years.

You know, some people will tell you, or write something to you, just to get a rise aka make you angry or upset.

I keep writing to my friend, which I've know for over 40+ years. Not to get her angry, au contraire, I'm trying to get her to react with a conversation, any conversation, other than, "nothing new with me, same old. Later..."

When I say: "Hi, how you're doing? Hoping you're in good health. Got some great news, got a pair of Adidas at a shop found by accident over the weekend, they had a sale, just $20 (she doesn't understand £20) for them, I'm over the moon. As you know, my last pair was in 72. They'd lasted until 76...."

All I was hoping for was something along the lines of: "Wow, that's a good bargain..." You know, some sort of reaction, compliment, something!!!

As you and I know, them branded shoes are super expensive at the best of times. Example:

Adidas Canada regular model are available at around $200.

I just wanted a funky discussion, I got nothing... I know she was jealous in the past but seriously wondering what's up or down, now.

Any comments appreciated, thanks friends.💓
 

My first impression was wondering if she may be facing something in her life (health or otherwise) that she just isn't ready to share yet... 40+ years or not. I would be the same way and it wouldn't be easy for me to share a personal crisis even with my oldest friends (probably not even family.)
 

Supernatural said:
Wondering what's wrong with my friend of over 40+ years.

You know, some people will tell you, or write something to you, just to get a rise aka make you angry or upset.

I keep writing to my friend, which I've know for over 40+ years. Not to get her angry, au contraire, I'm trying to get her to react with a conversation, any conversation, other than, "nothing new with me, same old. Later..."

When I say: "Hi, how you're doing? Hoping you're in good health. Got some great news, got a pair of Adidas at a shop found by accident over the weekend, they had a sale, just $20 (she doesn't understand £20) for them, I'm over the moon. As you know, my last pair was in 72. They'd lasted until 76...."

All I was hoping for was something along the lines of: "Wow, that's a good bargain..." You know, some sort of reaction, compliment, something!!!

As you and I know, them branded shoes are super expensive at the best of times. Example:

Adidas Canada regular model are available at around $200.

I just wanted a funky discussion, I got nothing... I know she was jealous in the past but seriously wondering what's up or down, now.

Any comments appreciated, thanks friends.💓
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That was an awesome price. I love Adidas shoes and have a pair of white and pastel multi walkers I love. I can't imagine why your friend was not interested. You got an outrageously good price. Maybe she had something on her mind??? :unsure:
 
chic said:
That was an awesome price. I love Adidas shoes and have a pair of white and pastel multi walkers I love. I can't imagine why your friend was not interested. You got an outrageously good price. Maybe she had something on her mind??? :unsure:
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me too...I have 2 pairs of white Adidas.. which out of all the different brands of trainers I have.. and you know I have a lot... the Adidas are the ones I can walk the furthest in..
 
CallMeKate said:
My first impression was wondering if she may be facing something in her life (health or otherwise) that she just isn't ready to share yet... 40+ years or not. I would be the same way and it wouldn't be easy for me to share a personal crisis even with my oldest friends (probably not even family.)
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Hi @CallMeKate , she's always been bipolar from the very first year, I've known her. We met in school about 3 different years. Then, we were at the same appointment for our final driving test, which we both passed.

We went to celebrate that night and renewed our friendship. She's a year younger than me plus a few months, I'm March the previous year and she's September the following year. She has two brothers, one older, one younger. Sadly, they both abused her, severely for years. Her parents never believed her.

I was the one she rant and raved to, always. I took her home, more often than not, when her brothers were home, so she wouldn't be attacked. Things went for the better, when she got married (wedding number 1) before me and my better half. She boasted how she was so lucky and loved.

She flatly refused to attend my wedding, which broke my heart, but I understood, she was insecure. Also, three months after mine took place in June, hers got dissolved, to this day, I don't know why?

She would marry again, twice and these two ended in divorce. One, because the operation she went through didn't work and they couldn't have marital relations, the last one because he didn't get the house loan for the model she wanted.

Yes, she's weird and I've always accepted her as she was, worts and all. I'm just trying for convos and the last thing she said, that was worth it, was that her last boyfriend was a hacker who just wanted her money.

That happened at the time I gave her the news that my husband had died. I try to help her moods, to make her feel better, but I'm going nowhere. The replies are so empty. I believe her jealousy of the life I've had (even though I know, she never wanted children and never did) killed our friendship.

It's very sad and I'm not sure, how to react.

Thankfully, here, I get my convos and believe me, it's very much appreciated 👍😁.

BTW, the Adidas I got them at TK MAXX. They fit perfectly at 7.5 UK. Got daughter a pair of Ralph Lauren Polo's I think at size 4. It's fun to be able to enjoy a great bargain, and get a pair of comfortable shoes, yes?

Last pair of running shoes were about 2005 from a store, now gone from shopping mall.
 
palides2021 said:
I agree with what others posted here. Something might be on her mind (maybe health?) or she's depressed. If it were my friend and she didn't react as I expected she would, I would definitely follow-up with a phone call just to make sure she's ok.
Does she live alone?
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Yes, since her mother died and her father and brothers threw her out to sell the house. She's bipolar from childhood.

She bought two kittens at $600 each over a period of two years, she gave them away as she couldn't cope. In my humble opinion, she needs serious medical help.

I can't follow up with a phone call, she changed her numbers after her WhatsApps mishaps with two guys who stole money from her. Even though I've asked politely, she hadn't given me her new numbers.
 
hollydolly said:
Is she depressed ?...
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Bipolar, all her life, as far as I know, but I think the latest blow from two WhatsApp mess with two guys, might have caused more mental health problems... She was a clothes horse in her younger days. Her daily outfit and I mean every single item she wore, costing on average $75 would be worn once and at the end of the day, simply discarded. Thrown out like garbage.

I never said anything, just secretly wishing I'd been her size to get them discarded clothes 😁.
 
Supernatural said:
In my humble opinion, she needs serious medical help.

I can't follow up with a phone call, she changed her numbers after her WhatsApps mishaps with two guys who stole money from her. Even though I've asked politely, she hadn't given me her new numbers.
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I agree about the medical help... sadly that's something she'll need to determine the need for and seek that help for herself. I think she's very lucky to have you for a friend.

Changing her numbers, not answering your questions, etc. do you get the impression that she's trying to ghost you on purpose instead of going through depression or some other issue?
 
I know maybe it wasn't fully right to talk about this. Okay, fine.., but I'm someone going through hell and back. Making certain purchases on my own are something I feel scared about and getting an approval from a friend, online or real life is something that helps my mental health greatly.

Honestly, thank you for being here for me, whenever you can. I can make plans for tomorrow. Cheers!
R.gif
 
CallMeKate said:
I agree about the medical help... sadly that's something she'll need to determine the need for and seek that help for herself. I think she's very lucky to have you for a friend.

Changing her numbers, not answering your questions, etc. do you get the impression that she's trying to ghost you on purpose instead of going through depression or some other issue?
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Yup, I do. And I don't know how to take it as I gave her so much of myself in the past. I think it's time I stop communications. 😭
 
fuzzybuddy said:
If you've been friends for 40+ years, why don't you just ask her that to you, she seems distant?
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Tried and done that already dear @fuzzybuddy but she ignores it as well. She's not confronting what bugs her. When she's definitely in the mood to talk, her tone is spiteful, such as:

"Hiya, great news, got extra pay packet from temporary job and I've booked a cruise for next August... Something you can't do, due to you having a darn cat..."

Yup, she's sick and I'm at a loss and taking it, left right and centre. I'm always polite in my reply, such as: "Enjoy your trip, don't forget your Dramamine pills"
 
You might want to stop communications since it appears to hurt you. I guess the best you can do is send a " Don't know what you are going through, but if you need me you know how to get a hold of me", type of message. And go with whatever. You said she is sometimes spiteful, I think some people want to hurt others because they hurt. Fortunately, some of us will give even when we hurt. Just please do take care of yourself. 🤗
 
Dustbunny said:
You might want to stop communications since it appears to hurt you. I guess the best you can do is send a " Don't know what you are going through, but if you need me you know how to get a hold of me", type of message. And go with whatever. You said she is sometimes spiteful, I think some people want to hurt others because they hurt. Fortunately, some of us will give even when we hurt. Just please do take care of yourself. 🤗
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Yup dear @Dustbunny I realised that it's time to believe my tarot reader. LOL, I'm changing, everyday by leaps and bounds. I've grown so much since 2017 when our son died. I just wanted to share it to see if I was turning into a toxic friend or the situation was the other way around. Your explanation and others proves that something is upsetting her and I'm not at fault.

The years growing up I've spent being put down did a number on me. However, losing my son and husband and reaching out for help, has really changed my perspective on things.

Afterall, right here, right now, I've the best moral support from yous all. Thanks!
 
No @Supernatural, you are not a toxic friend. Don't know if I will make any sense, but I want to try.
You, me and many others have gone through horrible experiences either in childhood, adulthood or both. The way that one comes through it makes all the difference. Saying that some give back what they "got" and others are still caring about others.
I will stop there as I can wax on and will cry. Hugs again.
 
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Supernatural said:
Tried and done that already dear @fuzzybuddy but she ignores it as well. She's not confronting what bugs her. When she's definitely in the mood to talk, her tone is spiteful, such as:

"Hiya, great news, got extra pay packet from temporary job and I've booked a cruise for next August... Something you can't do, due to you having a darn cat..."

Yup, she's sick and I'm at a loss and taking it, left right and centre. I'm always polite in my reply, such as: "Enjoy your trip, don't forget your Dramamine pills"
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There are people, who just don't fit into my life. No matter what I say, they just won't fit. It took me a long time to realize I can't fix other people. A friendship is two sided. If it isn't, it not a friendship. I guess you're the one to decide if your friend fits into your life, now.
 

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