Unwanted company

Q

QuickSilver

SF VIP
Location
Midwest
I'm feeling guilty.. and not sure if I did the right thing.. Anyway I feel like a real *B*... here's the story

I am still working.. I arrive at work at 6am... at 11am I am starving and ready for lunch. My desk is located in a basement office with no windows or sunlight.. I stare at a computer screen all day. So when my lunchtime arrives, I completely enjoy going to the cafeteria and sitting by a sunny window looking at the trees and the birds and eating my lunch in peace and solitude.. alone with my thoughts and daydreams. Sounds like a small pleasure right?

Well about 4 months ago, a 19 y/o autistic girl was hired to be a dishwasher. She is on some sort of work program and must turn in a sheet saying that she has eaten lunch with someone. She has decided that I am going to be that someone. I'm not enjoying it.. I don't want conversation... any conversation.. even normal conversation, and her conversant ability is around that of a 5 year old. It has intruded on my only 1/2 hour of peace. I feel like I am her babysitter.

So now you see why I sound like a *B*...... I'm not sure what to do.. I don't want to change my lunch time as I'm hungry and eager to step away from my desk. I don't feel I should have to find another place to eat. I love my usual window...and the view. Please tell me how to handle this. I feel like anything I do or say will hurt her feelings and I don't want to do that. Advise please!!!!!
 

That's a tough one. I understand how you feel. Can you nicely suggest she might want to eat with some others as well, to get to know other people?
 
What Annie said sounds like a good idea to me, too. I understand how you feel QS. :)
 

Oh gosh that would be an uncomfortable predicament to be in. Damned if you do and damned if you don't eh?

Sorry no suggestions except to find another place to love having your lunch. Maybe if you did that for a while (like a month) maybe in that time she'd find someone else to attach to and then you could venture back and see if she sticks with her new 'love'. Does anyone know if autistic people make changes easily? Would she come back to QS?
 
I completely understand, QS. When I was still working, I was constantly dealing with others, clients, boss, courts, other offices, etc. I treasured my lunch hour as a time of peace and quiet; no, I didn't want to go to lunch with others and chat. I just wanted to be alone and be quiet to regroup to deal with the afternoon. My job was VERY high stress and deadline bound.

If I were in your shoes, I'm afraid I would take the coward's way out and either go elsewhere or begrudgingly change my time; of course, just changing your time probably wouldn't mean she wouldn't still find a way to come chat.

I know it sounds unkind, but you DO need your lunch time for YOU to spend as you please, and having unwanted intrusions, whatever the circumstances, isn't fair to you -- this "babysitting" isn't part of your job and you have the right to have a peaceful lunch time.

Could you speak to the girl's supervisor and tell her you need your quiet time at lunch, or would that just make it worse?

Someone I much respect once told me to be careful not to let other people's problems become my problems. The girl's problem is that she needs to report she ate lunch with someone, but it is not YOUR problem.
 
I agree with Lon, during most lunch hours there are the chatty souls who can yap through an entire meal happy as you please. Maybe you can hook her up with someone like that and everyone will be happy. I feel your pain. When I eat I have my nose in a book, sorry to be antisocial but really...we all need our own decompression time ya know?
 
Tell her it might be good for her to eat with people closer to her age. Use the making friends angle others have suggested. If that doesn't work, just tell her you enjoy 30 minutes of solitude to break up your day. If it hurts her feelings.......oh well.
 
The way I look at it... this girl is being rude by invading your time and space, sometimes you have to fight rude with rude to preserve your time and space.
 
Bullie76 said:
Tell her it might be good for her to eat with people closer to her age. Use the making friends angle others have suggested. If that doesn't work, just tell her you enjoy 30 minutes of solitude to break up your day. If it hurts her feelings.......oh well.
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I was all set to tell her that today... until she sat down... then I chickened out and told her I had to go to a meeting... I ended up taking my lunch back to my desk to finish it.. No fair.... I really wanted to enjoy my peace at my window, especially since I don't get to see outside until quitting time.
 
I have a close friend with an autistic child, I think it's very selfish to think of just your comfort and not appreciate what this disabled person is going through. A half hour of conversation is too much to ask? This world gets sadder day by day, talk about intolerance. I guess other people's problems are never as important as your own.
 
I also volunteer work with one. It has come to the point where I just totally ignore her - do my own thing. Instead of staying in the lunch room, I go outside with my cup of tea and my lunch. If she follows me, I move somewhere else.

My volunteer place decided to take on those who had various "problems".

I grew very tired, very quickly, of taking a person to the toilet room and waiting outside, because they became "lost" if they went by themselves.

I told my boss that I wasn't there as a social worker. I was there as a volunteer.
 
What an interesting situation. I'm sure those in charge didn't think about those who want to just veg out for their valued 30 minute a day break and imagine the hurt this gal would feel if she's told to find others to visit. I'm sure there's lots of rejection in her life. Two choices, move or even go outside or speak to whoever is in charge. Real life situations comes with lots of challenges.
 
Eric said:
I have a close friend with an autistic child, I think it's very selfish to think of just your comfort and not appreciate what this disabled person is going through. A half hour of conversation is too much to ask? This world gets sadder day by day, talk about intolerance. I guess other people's problems are never as important as your own.
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is my only 1/2 hour of break from stress and conversation in a stressful 8 hour day too much to ask? I don't think I'm being unreasonable at all.. I am not being paid to be her social worker or babysitter. I certainly am sympathetic to her situation.. but I am to mine also.

And la-de-da for you having a close friend with an autistic child.. I have a GRANDSON with autism.... so don't feel so free to be preachy... I think I've "Trumped" you there... hahahahaha
 
RadishRose said:
I don't feel the girl is being rude, I think she just doesn't understand.
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I agree... she doesn't understand.... I would think management would have been more concerned with their other customers and protecting their privacy and personal space. It's really their place to resolve this.
 
QuickSilver said:
is my only 1/2 hour of break from stress and conversation in a stressful 8 hour day too much to ask? I don't think I'm being unreasonable at all.. I am not being paid to be her social worker or babysitter. I certainly am sympathetic to her situation.. but I am to mine also.

And la-de-da for you having a close friend with an autistic child.. I have a GRANDSON with autism.... so don't feel so free to be preachy... I think I've "Trumped" you there... hahahahaha
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I'm sorry you got so defensive I thought you asked for advice I don't think anybody can say I was preaching to you. I think you need to unwind too much watching political news makes you mention Trump in every conversation it is better you stay away from the girl she'll be better off. Try to relax quicksilver the whole world isn't against you. Peace
 
I work with peeps with all sorts of disabilities, severe PTSD, brain injury, personality disorders, substance abuse etc. Some are children, some elderly, some in between. Of course the afflicted person's feelings matter, but so do other people's. I know first

hand how exhausting dealing with this stuff can be. We all need and deserve a work break. We should not feel guilty for wanting peace and quiet. Nothing to feel bad about QS. Part of living in the real world is learning limits, the nineteen year old

will run into them with or without you. Even a person with a five year old's cognitive ability can process basic boundaries if explained simply and kindly. Not suggesting that is your job QS.
 
How often is she sitting with you QS, is this a once a week thing or everyday? I'm like you I want peace during lunch breaks but that's hardly an option where I worked. I wouldn't hurt her feelings, that's for sure. I'd probably just find another spot to eat my lunch, maybe outdoors under a tree. Sometimes when I worked and wanted some alone time, I'd spend my lunch breaks in my car and listen to the radio.
 
Oy, that my daughter is high functioning on the spectrum and she drives me stark raving bananas sometimes. She can chatter without taking a breath for hours at a time. We are not frickin' saints. Unless you're with such a person daily you don't know how frustrating it can be. Of course they mean no harm...they're just being themselves. But everyone deserves a break. QS I might suggest you maybe talk to somebody in HR if you can't find someone else to keep this young lady company. You deserve a peaceful lunch.
 
From what I have read and I'm sure you know, people on the autism spectrum can be high functioning autistic or much less functional and they don't understand how other people are feeling. So this girl probably is not aware how she is affecting you. But I'm not sure if her feelings would be hurt if you told her that you wanted to be alone or wanted to read your book. She might be OK with it.

QS, and I would agree with Fur, to inquire with her supervisor or HR to ask what exactly the girl was instructed to do, maybe she misunderstood or maybe they could set up some kind of arrangement with people in the girl's department to look out for her. I agree that the onus shouldn't be on you or other employees to babysit.
 
Eric said:
I'm sorry you got so defensive I thought you asked for advice I don't think anybody can say I was preaching to you. I think you need to unwind too much watching political news makes you mention Trump in every conversation it is better you stay away from the girl she'll be better off. Try to relax quicksilver the whole world isn't against you. Peace
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You are such a sweet person...
 
SeaBreeze said:
How often is she sitting with you QS, is this a once a week thing or everyday? I'm like you I want peace during lunch breaks but that's hardly an option where I worked. I wouldn't hurt her feelings, that's for sure. I'd probably just find another spot to eat my lunch, maybe outdoors under a tree. Sometimes when I worked and wanted some alone time, I'd spend my lunch breaks in my car and listen to the radio.
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Yes.. SB... it is every day. I have always sat in a particular spot next to a window with a lovely view of trees.. I'm not a fan of eating al fresco... too hot and too many bugs... but I do enjoy seeing the sun and blue sky for 1/2 hour during my work day. I guess I could look for another room.. like an empty conference room with a window to look out of.. rather than the cafeteria.. but does that seem fair? The Cafeteria is there for every employee to sit in and enjoy. I will be denied that.
 
I don't think I'd want to have to escape or sacrifice my spot. If she is together enough to work and go to the lunchroom on her own, she might listen to reason. I would try explaining that I work very hard, am tired and need some quiet alone time before going back to work, even close my eyes and pretend to meditate, maybe she'll get the hint and find someone else.
 

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