Well.. I popped my cork on the MIL...

BlunderWoman

BlunderWoman

Senior Member
I was invited to an early brunch today. I didn't really want to go because my daughters MIL and spouse were going to be there. BUT my daughter said " Please Mom don't leave me there with just her." So I went. Maybe I shouldn't have...

The first thing she said when she walked in was " Oh so for YOU he can hang new curtains." She just kept that stuff up. " Oh for you he can..oh for you he can.." Then she started in on why hasn't my daughter gotten pregnant yet & wasn't that selfish when she knows how bad they want a grandson. That's when I lost it. *sigh*.
I told her she needed to back the heck up off my daughter and stop acting like a jealous lover instead of a mother. I told her she should be happy instead of jealous that the two kids are getting along & that her son is doing nice things for HIS WIFE. I told her the only reason she spends all her time preoccupied with them is because her own relationship is a mess & she should spend that time fixing her own marriage and stay out of theirs. I told her my daughter is not a damn broodmare there to pop out babies just to please everyone else. I told her she already had grandchildren & it wasn't any of her business even if they should decide to NEVER have kids & why did she always have to bring the drama on a pretty day when we had lovely quiche to eat. Then I said " How would you like it if I was always harping at your son and making his life miserable? Now please refrain from more criticism so I can enjoy this brunch. " That's when she said " We're leaving" and left. Her husband stayed and sat in silence and ate his lunch talking a little with his son. His wife sat in the car the whole time fuming and waiting for him. My daughter gave me an angry look, then quietly went about cleaning the kitchen. After his dad left I was gathering my things to leave & my son in law came and hugged me & said " She'll get over it. She makes me mad sometimes too." My daughter only said " Bye Mom." I think my daughter is mad at me right now. I really did try a long time not to say anything ..but I popped my cork today..

edited to add:

Okay she just texted me and said " Mom why did you do that when I asked you not to?" I wrote her back " If someone kept insulting your daughter in front of your face and making her stressed out to the max, could you watch and stay quiet?" Then she wrote back " Okay. I love you Mom." I feel better now :)
 

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Warrigal said:
She's not a mother yet, but she understands.
Her husband seems supportive and that is good.
Keep him on the team if you can.
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I like my son in law. He's a nice kid. ..well nice man. Funny how they seem like kids to me always. I feel sorry for her husband to tell you the truth.
 
Too bad you blew your cork, but what you said was true and not out of line. I think both your son in law and your daughter understand, but are understandably upset when something like this happens. The fact that the husband stayed for awhile shows that he too understands. The mother in law is a tough one, set in her ways, and will likely never change. Those around her will likely have to suffer the side effects, you're not alone, I'm sure there are many others in similar situations....hugs.
 
I think we all knew you would...lol!!!

Don't think she'll get over it any time soon, but that isn't your problem. I feel sorry for you when or if a grandchild does come along. I have a feeling you ain't seen nothin' yet.
 
I agree with Seabreeze..that woman is a tough cookie..and anything you might say to her is going to fall on deaf ears. Some people only talk but never listen. We're only human but with family I feel less said less mended with some. We have a very negative family member who also complains about everything...lol..the last time I was around her she whined for an interminable time...I finally turned to her and asked.."so what's the good news ?" Haha..that ended the conversation. Go figure.
 
Well I got a late night call from my son in law about 30 minutes ago. He said his father had called him and talked to him and told him that the whole situation happened because he did not take up for his wife like he should have. His father told him his mother has no right to get in their marital decisions or talk to his wife like that. His father told him he should tell his mother every single time 'Don't talk to my wife like that.'. Then my son in law apologized to me & I told him " Oh no no sweety no apology needed ..I apologize to you." What a nice guy. I'm also glad that his father doesn't hate me.
 
BlunderWoman said:
Well I got a late night call from my son in law about 30 minutes ago. He said his father had called him and talked to him and told him that the whole situation happened because he did not take up for his wife like he should have. His father told him his mother has no right to get in their marital decisions or talk to his wife like that. His father told him he should tell his mother every single time 'Don't talk to my wife like that.'. Then my son in law apologized to me & I told him " Oh no no sweety no apology needed ..I apologize to you." What a nice guy. I'm also glad that his father doesn't hate me.
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That's fantastic!
 
BlunderWoman said:
Well I got a late night call from my son in law about 30 minutes ago. He said his father had called him and talked to him and told him that the whole situation happened because he did not take up for his wife like he should have. His father told him his mother has no right to get in their marital decisions or talk to his wife like that. His father told him he should tell his mother every single time 'Don't talk to my wife like that.'. Then my son in law apologized to me & I told him " Oh no no sweety no apology needed ..I apologize to you." What a nice guy. I'm also glad that his father doesn't hate me.
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I certainly hope 'dad' had this discussion with his wife also.
 
debbie in seattle said:
I certainly hope 'dad' had this discussion with his wife also.
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From what I've seen I think he gave up on his wife a long time ago. I think she probably needs professional help or meds or something I dunno, but it doesn't look like she will ever realize she has a problem with the way she deals with other people.
 
Seems to me that your son-in-law learned from his dad. Could be that he thinks that he's not *supposed* to speak up. And he definitely needs to learn to stand up for his wife. If his mother takes umbrage, that's her problem. She may feel that as the matriarch she gets to be the alpha and the omega, but nobody gets to deliberately dismiss, demean, belittle others (family or not) and get a pass. Nobody.
 
GeorgiaXplant said:
Seems to me that your son-in-law learned from his dad. Could be that he thinks that he's not *supposed* to speak up. And he definitely needs to learn to stand up for his wife. If his mother takes umbrage, that's her problem. She may feel that as the matriarch she gets to be the alpha and the omega, but nobody gets to deliberately dismiss, demean, belittle others (family or not) and get a pass. Nobody.
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There's something 'off' about her. She must call her son 30 times a day. She calls him at work so much he just leaves his phone shut off.
 
Kids learn what they live. He probably got the idea that she can say whatever she likes without being confronted.

A woman who calls her adult child incessantly must want him to lose his job so that she can be in charge of his life again, just as she was when he was a child.

If he doesn't learn to stand up to her and stand up for his wife, I don't see much hope for his future or his marriage.
 
Agreed --If my mother had been that mean to my husband, I would have insisted we quit participating in things where she had a chance to do this. She keeps doing it because she gets away with it. A person needs not to be around toxic people, and if the mother won't quit acting the way she does, then they need to stay away from her or she'll eventually destroy their future. After you're married, your first responsibility is to your wife, not your mother.
 
Butterfly said:
Agreed --If my mother had been that mean to my husband, I would have insisted we quit participating in things where she had a chance to do this. She keeps doing it because she gets away with it. A person needs not to be around toxic people, and if the mother won't quit acting the way she does, then they need to stay away from her or she'll eventually destroy their future. After you're married, your first responsibility is to your wife, not your mother.
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totally agree with you..I stay away from toxic people..they always think they are right.
 
BlunderWoman said:
Well I got a late night call from my son in law about 30 minutes ago. He said his father had called him and talked to him and told him that the whole situation happened because he did not take up for his wife like he should have. His father told him his mother has no right to get in their marital decisions or talk to his wife like that. His father told him he should tell his mother every single time 'Don't talk to my wife like that.'. Then my son in law apologized to me & I told him " Oh no no sweety no apology needed ..I apologize to you." What a nice guy. I'm also glad that his father doesn't hate me.
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It sounds like your daughter has a nice father in law and a good husband who is open to learning and will probably stick up for his wife in the future.
 

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