What’s the point

Kimwhiz

Kimwhiz

Member
I have lunch with my granny every week at her retirement home. She’s lucky, she has the money to be in a nice one. She’s 95. She has no major health issues. She has seemed off this week when I call her. Today we were just sitting in her room chatting and sometimes I just sit and be with her, no uncomfortable silence. She said ‘what’s the point of life, you’re born then you die’. I explained that’s I thought it was to enjoy, have children and help others. I explained that I have so many good memories of being with them at their various homes in the country and lake house. They spoiled me. That I think life was created by a God that loves us and wants us to have relationships with others that enrich their life’s and ours. I think she’s so bored and tired all the time and maybe just us tired of doing the same thing everyday. We try to get her out but most of the time it really tires her out. Any ideas on what my cheer her some.
 

I agree with your granny and I don't think it's wrong to acknowledge the fact that your best days are behind you or that the people that are most important to you are busy living their lives.

When my mother was in the assisted living facility the only things that seemed to genuinely cheer people up were the visiting animals and the small children.

The only other thing I can think of is finding something that your granny and her mates can do to help each other or a cause that they can be a part of.

We all need a purpose.

Good luck to you and your family.
 

My mom is still going strong at 94, thank goodness. No problems there.

The Spousal Equivalent's mother died last year at 95. Her last several years were very unpleasant as she could only take nourishment through a permanent tube in her stomach, was blind and had hearing problems, and was in bad pain from her disintegrating spine. However, she remained sweet and sharp right up almost to the end.

What she took great pleasure in, and I willingly indulged her in, was talking about her pleasant memories of her years after she got out from under the unpleasant thumb of her stern stepmother and moved to a big northern city, where she lived in a "women's residence" and had a good-paying job. She was young and free and had a good few years. The memories sustained her over the bad years.

Keep reminding your grandmother of those good years and encourage her to stroll at length down memory lane. Ask her questions about her childhood and youth. Ask her questions about what she's seen the biggest change in.
 
The point is to enjoy the ride.

You might want to stop trying to cheer her up and instead figure out if you can give her something interesting to look forward to. Everyone needs a change of pace now and then.
Perhaps you can arrange a visit from someone with a baby or toddler, or take her to McDonald's, for an ice cream sundae, a Margarita, a walk - or push if she's in a wheelchair - through a wooded area. Something different and exciting. Shake things up a bit.

Medical staff are so concerned about people's frailties that they forget that these are living beings.
 
Aunt Bea said:
I agree with your granny and I don't think it's wrong to acknowledge the fact that your best days are behind you or that the people that are most important to you are busy living their lives.

When my mother was in the assisted living facility the only things that seemed to genuinely cheer people up were the visiting animals and the small children.

The only other thing I can think of is finding something that your granny and her mates can do to help each other or a cause that they can be a part of.

We all need a purpose.

Good luck to you and your family.
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We are currently watching a series of Australian ABC TV called Old Peoples Home for Four Year Olds.
It is set in a retirement village and selected residents are paired up with some very exuberant preschoolers in a program designed to encourage interaction. Psychologists monitor the interactions to determine how much each age group is benefiting from the experience.

It is fascinating to see how residents who were isolated and depressed are coming alive and becoming more active physically and socially. The kids are marvellous too. They encourage the old people and seem to understand their limitations.

Here is a link if anyone is interested.

https://iview.abc.net.au/show/old-people-s-home-for-4-year-olds
My mum benefitted greatly from visits from our daughter and her cousin. The girls would bring their dogs and take Mum to a nearby park to enjoy a thermos of teas and some cake. She loved animals as much as she loved family. To her they were one and the same.
 
I agree with reminding them of memorable moments that you can share.

Tell funny stories.

Bring in pictures or photo albums.

They seem to enjoy ‘show & tell.’😁

I agree about bringing in a treat. When I can I take in a special cupcake of muffin for my mom and she loves it.

Sometimes it is just a Tim Hortons cup of coffee which she will drink all of except for 1/2 an inch and say she doesn’t want it. 😂

Ask questions about periods of her life you know she enjoyed

Ask her about her friends or other family members?

Pet therapy?
My mom loves when the lady with the dog comes in Tuesday’s. It really perks her up.

Buy her a new nightie or bring a mason jar full of hand picked flowers with a nice ribbon 🎀 bow attached.

Sing a song to her.

Read her a children’s short story book with pictures and be super mellow dramatic.
She’ll laugh and love it.

Play x’s and o’s. Snakes and ladders?

Tell her she’s still beautiful. 🥰
 
At 95, she's pretty fortunate to have her mental faculties. My mom started losing hers at 82; she had moments when she didn't recognize me & sometimes didn't know what was going on & started accusing her kids of stealing from her - mail, money, food, plants. She called police & social workers & told them stories of her kids starving her & stealing from her. I had to deal with most of it because my brother & sister wanted no part of her & I couldn't blame them; she was never a nice person.
My suggestion? Just keep doing what you're doing. She will have her moods & "Low Periods," but you're making her as happy as she can be.
 
Discuss current movies, etc. and take her to one sometimes. Take her to the grocery store and let her pick out some treats she can keep in her room and enjoy. Do you have a pet at home? If so maybe you could bring it for a visit. Now would be a good time to write down or tape some special times in her life for you to enjoy reading later. Like some one else said, shake things up a bit.
 
jujube said:
My mom is still going strong at 94, thank goodness. No problems there.

The Spousal Equivalent's mother died last year at 95. Her last several years were very unpleasant as she could only take nourishment through a permanent tube in her stomach, was blind and had hearing problems, and was in bad pain from her disintegrating spine. However, she remained sweet and sharp right up almost to the end.

What she took great pleasure in, and I willingly indulged her in, was talking about her pleasant memories of her years after she got out from under the unpleasant thumb of her stern stepmother and moved to a big northern city, where she lived in a "women's residence" and had a good-paying job. She was young and free and had a good few years. The memories sustained her over the bad years.

Keep reminding your grandmother of those good years and encourage her to stroll at length down memory lane. Ask her questions about her childhood and youth. Ask her questions about what she's seen the biggest change in.
Click to expand...
Yes. She does really enjoy talking about her younger, happy times. I’ll keep that up. 😄
 
Warrigal said:
We are currently watching a series of Australian ABC TV called Old Peoples Home for Four Year Olds.
It is set in a retirement village and selected residents are paired up with some very exuberant preschoolers in a program designed to encourage interaction. Psychologists monitor the interactions to determine how much each age group is benefiting from the experience.

It is fascinating to see how residents who were isolated and depressed are coming alive and becoming more active physically and socially. The kids are marvellous too. They encourage the old people and seem to understand their limitations.

Here is a link if anyone is interested.

https://iview.abc.net.au/show/old-people-s-home-for-4-year-olds
My mum benefitted greatly from visits from our daughter and her cousin. The girls would bring their dogs and take Mum to a nearby park to enjoy a thermos of teas and some cake. She loved animals as much as she loved family. To her they were one and the same.
Click to expand...
That’s awesome. She does enjoy her great grandchildren, my uncles grandkids. They are young. Maybe I can talk my uncle into bringing them more often.
 
Keesha said:
I agree with reminding them of memorable moments that you can share.

Tell funny stories.

Bring in pictures or photo albums.

They seem to enjoy ‘show & tell.’😁

I agree about bringing in a treat. When I can I take in a special cupcake of muffin for my mom and she loves it.

Sometimes it is just a Tim Hortons cup of coffee which she will drink all of except for 1/2 an inch and say she doesn’t want it. 😂

Ask questions about periods of her life you know she enjoyed

Ask her about her friends or other family members?

Pet therapy?
My mom loves when the lady with the dog comes in Tuesday’s. It really perks her up.

Buy her a new nightie or bring a mason jar full of hand picked flowers with a nice ribbon 🎀 bow attached.

Sing a song to her.

Read her a children’s short story book with pictures and be super mellow dramatic.
She’ll laugh and love it.

Play x’s and o’s. Snakes and ladders?

Tell her she’s still beautiful. 🥰
Click to expand...
All great ideas! Thanks.
 
Bonnie said:
Along with talking about the years of old, make a journal of her life for the future. She might enjoy doing that, and it would be something nice to pass down in the family. She would feel like she is being useful.
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Good idea. She’s very visual. Maybe I’ll add some old photo I have. I need to just bring the box of pics over and we can pick through them together.
 
Kimwhiz said:
Good idea. She’s very visual. Maybe I’ll add some old photo I have. I need to just bring the box of pics over and we can pick through them together.
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Personally, I have loved reading life journals of family members who have now passed. They shared so many interesting details of how life was growing up ... so much better than reading a history book!

And yes, pictures of relatives .... we have those old albums of "people" from our past and wonder who exactly they are ... getting that information and putting it in writing is so nice.
 
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And like mentioned above ... does she like animals? ...good ole pet therapy is wonderful for cheering up!

iu
 
Well, having lived in a home for six months, it is boring. And everybody in the place is waiting to die. Ambulances are carting away the dead and dying on a routine basis. I don't mean to sound morbid, but when you see a room full of new borns, at some point in time there's going to be a room full of the dying. We are mortal. It's hard to deny that, when you live in a home. Come on, even your kids are 50, 60, 70 years old. I do think there is a difference between being aware of one's mortality and clinical depression. We are so obsessed with stopping the aging process, that we don't consider living with it. There are reasons why you don't find any 88 year olds breaking Olympic running records. That said, there are numerous undiagnosed medical conditions which could be causing Kimwhiz's granny to act that way. Most probably they could be at fault.
 
This comes to mind...

Every minute someone leaves this world behind.
We are all in “the line” without knowing it.
We never know how many people are before us.
We can not move to the back of the line.
We can not step out of the line.
We can not avoid the line.

So while we wait in line -

Make moments count.
Make priorities.
Make the time.
Make your gifts known.
Make a nobody feel like a somebody.
Make your voice heard.
Make the small things big.
Make someone smile.
Make the change.
Make love.
Make up.
Make peace.
Make sure to tell your people they are loved.
Make sure to have no regrets.
Make sure you are ready.

Be Ready.jpg
 
squatting dog said:
This comes to mind...

Every minute someone leaves this world behind.
We are all in “the line” without knowing it.
We never know how many people are before us.
We can not move to the back of the line.
We can not step out of the line.
We can not avoid the line.

So while we wait in line -

Make moments count.
Make priorities.
Make the time.
Make your gifts known.
Make a nobody feel like a somebody.
Make your voice heard.
Make the small things big.
Make someone smile.
Make the change.
Make love.
Make up.
Make peace.
Make sure to tell your people they are loved.
Make sure to have no regrets.
Make sure you are ready.
Click to expand...

I like some of the recommendations here for ways to live but am repelled by the imagery of standing in line.
I haven't spent my life queuing up to die.
 
fuzzybuddy said:
Well, having lived in a home for six months, it is boring. And everybody in the place is waiting to die. Ambulances are carting away the dead and dying on a routine basis. I don't mean to sound morbid, but when you see a room full of new borns, at some point in time there's going to be a room full of the dying. We are mortal. It's hard to deny that, when you live in a home. Come on, even your kids are 50, 60, 70 years old. I do think there is a difference between being aware of one's mortality and clinical depression. We are so obsessed with stopping the aging process, that we don't consider living with it. There are reasons why you don't find any 88 year olds breaking Olympic running records. That said, there are numerous undiagnosed medical conditions which could be causing Kimwhiz's granny to act that way. Most probably they could be at fault.
Click to expand...
So true. She sees a dr every month. I love going in a talking to her friends. The absolute wealth of information is awesome. One lady worked as a Rosie riveter and had her hand crushed in a machine. She held it up. Wow. She didn’t care. She acted like it’s just one of those things. They are all so tough! I would love some school to do a project where they do a interview of a person in a retirement home and do a presentation of their life. My son did one of my pawpaw just because he was into video cameras and making home movies when he was 14. Pawpaw talked about being in the coral sea battle on a ship. I wish they really knew how incredible and tough they are right now, at their age, and this is a natural process that we all go through. I’m sure they know, who am I kidding. I’m in awe of that generation. Sorry to ramble. I’m taking these ideas and putting them in place soon. Thanks everyone!
 
My mom made a scrapbook for my grandmother to show all her friends and staff at her nursing home. She loved showing it off.

My 95 year old uncle died last year and he and my aunt had no children. When I visit, we go through old photos and family history stuff (I do genealogy for our family and some professionally.). She loves that. She and another aunt who is home bound also love potted plants with long lasting blooms.
 
StarSong said:
Medical staff are so concerned about people's frailties that they forget that these are living beings.
Click to expand...

This is true. And it's not just the frailties, it's seeing people linger and linger with horrible problems. I especially hate hearing the repetitive sounds residents with advanced dementia make that sound so emotionally pained. I sometimes walk in the door to facilities I do contract work for hoping that Mrs. X has gone on to a better world.
 

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