What advice would you give the younger generation that is about to get married?

Ladybj

Live, Laugh and Love
Please make sure you are compatible. Do not live together nor have kids before marriage..you tend to get too comfortable and feel there is no need to get married and before you know it, he has left you with the kids and married someone else. Check his/her health records to make sure they are not bringing any unwanted diseases. Check their credit score..you want to make sure they can handle finances. And make sure you get to know each other and can tolerate each other differences. And make sure the love is there to build a strong foundation.
 

Don't get married unless you want to have kids and, even then, give it some more thought. Once you tie the knot, you're letting the government and lawyers gain a way to control your life.

Even some forty years after the fact, a divorce can make selling your own properties a challenge, if you don't have certified copies of every single divorce document you drew up wayyyyyy back when. Very uncool......
 
I’m not religious so don’t believe that loving someone and living with them is sinful.
If you are going to have kids then it may be in their best interest if you do marry but marriage is a personal decision thats right for some but not everyone. I never married but have lived with the same man for over 30 years.

Be together for love,.... then work on the other stuff.
 
I heard a psychiatrist on TV say something interesting about shacking up (living together). He said, when you live together without being married, neither one of you will be yourselves - meaning you're getting the emotional, physical & financial advantages without the commitment of marriage, so you won't do anything to spoil the situation, like honestly express your likes & dislikes. Therefore, you won't really be "getting to know each other & seeing if you're compatible."
I don't know if he was right, but...my ex & I shacked up for 2 years before we were married. The marriage only lasted 2 years.
 
I heard a psychiatrist on TV say something interesting about shacking up (living together). He said, when you live together without being married, neither one of you will be yourselves - meaning you're getting the emotional, physical & financial advantages without the commitment of marriage, so you won't do anything to spoil the situation, like honestly express your likes & dislikes. Therefore, you won't really be "getting to know each other & seeing if you're compatible."
I don't know if he was right, but...my ex & I shacked up for 2 years before we were married. The marriage only lasted 2 years.
And you’d trust a psychiatrist you watched on tv to gain marital advice?😬
 
Don't get married unless you want to have kids and, even then, give it some more thought. Once you tie the knot, you're letting the government and lawyers gain a way to control your life.

Are you saying that the only reason to marry is to procreate? What about couples who do not want children? Or cannot? My hubby and I were both near 50 when we married. I was past child bearing already. Should we not have married?
I like you Treeguy, but wanting children is not automatic today, as it was in our parents day. Or even in the younger days of some of the folks here.
I would tell the couple that it will not always be butterflys and rainbows. There will be tension, struggles, AND good times. It is not always like on TV..or even like your own parents

Edit to add...OK, Tree, forget what I said. I re-read your response and I think I misunderstood your thoughts. Never mind. But the rest of what I said holds.
 
I think marriage was necessary a long time ago when women had few options to support themselves and needed a man to support them. Nowadays, unmarried women, even with illegitimate children, are not shunned or shamed like they used to be. "Shacking up" is no longer scandalous and divorce has become commonplace and expensive. I believe, like @treeguy64, that it's best to be married if you want children for their sake, but it's best to be single if there are no children involved. Half of marriages end up in divorce, anyway, so better to be free to cut the cord when things get too difficult or unbearable rather than have to pay a lawyer a ton of money to cut that cord.
 
Don't ever enter a marriage expecting to change anyone. The other person may improve certain ways, but it can always go in the other direction, as well. Yes, we all change. So will you. Maybe that's the 'for better or for worse' part in the vows. There will be some surprise parts of the other person's character that you never saw before. Long engagements cut down on these. Pay attention to red flags. That's your conscience giving you a warning of things to come.

You are marrying into another family. Pay close attention to the in laws. Behavior that is not consistent with your values will probably only get worse. If they are mean or critical of you before, marriage won't make that negativity magically go away. It could even escalate.
This can drive a wedge in your relationship with your spouse. Outside interference doesn't always come in the form of an 'other' person.

Make sure you have enough money saved to have the freedom to have a good start. There's an old saying, "When poverty comes in the door, love goes out the window". If it's possible to delay marriage and put some money back to have a cushion to land on, perhaps life won't be such a struggle.

Try to set up your lives to not live with either of your parents. Learning to live with multiple people is stressful and can weigh on the relationships. It's hard enough learning to live with just one other person.

Life will present you with set backs, disappointments, and sometimes tragedies. Everyone has their share of these. Your commitment, character, and intestinal fortitude will determine if you come out of these together or if they tear you apart.
 
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Summed up nicely Duster. When we went to see the minister about getting married, the first thing he asked was if we had our own home. He said that this, along with a good financial position were the foundations of a good marriage.

For us it's 46 years and getting better all the time.
 
Live together for a couple of years, get good contraception advise, don’t start a family too soon and unless you can afford it, and don’t have too many children

If the marriage goes wrong you can get a divorce and walk away but once children are born they have to be fed, clothed and cared for, there's no walking away from that responsibilty
 
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