" What Are You, A Baby?"

[fureverywhere]

A conversation I have to have with my husband and it's complicated. My daughter is fourteen and on the autism spectrum. High functioning in that she can read, write and have basic independence. Cognitively she's about seven. It's okay, I'm used to being with her a great deal and just go along with her interests.

It's a mixed bag of interests. She can watch Pit Bulls and Parolees or Drag Race with me and be able to follow rather mature themes. But she can also have shows created for preschoolers playing and join in with the spelling or math games. She likes nail polish and makeup...but still needs to be reminded to get to the bathroom on time.

But like I say...you adjust. But I felt bad for her yesterday. Hubby can be grumpy from pain sometimes. My daughter had just come in with two posters she found. One was for her brother...Marvel cartoon characters. The one for her room is Doc McStuffins. The characters are cutesy and she was happy to find it.

But when she showed her Dad he went off with " What are you a toddler? That's baby stuff it's stupid!". Then he left for work. Damn that was not needed...I swooped in to the rescue and told her he's just grumpy from his back hurting. Then I helped her decide where to hang it. I mean he watches Looney Tunes, that was just mean.

When you have a special kid you can't force them to be age appropriate. Besides fourteen is when a lot of "normal" girls go into hormonal heck. My girl is charmingly innocent of such things. Does he want her smoking and reading " Shades of Grey" ya know?

 

[Moonflight]

you sound like a special mother, in every sense of the word.

 

[Mrs. Robinson]

Sounds like he has not yet accepted that she has some special needs. I am sure that there are times when it just kind of hits you in the face. I think as moms,we can accept pretty much anything and everything about our kids-it can sometimes be a little harder for dads.

 

[chic]

you sound like a special mother, in every sense of the word.

I agree absolutely. What love and patience you exhibit. I'm sure your daughter is benefiting from it. If your daughter likes animals, this can sometimes help the autistic, because animals are loving but never judgemental. A friend of mine has an austistic daughter who has benefited greatly from a relationship with horses. It's helped her to "grow up" and think responsibly without even realizing it because she enjoys the horses so much. Maybe something like this could help your duaghter too? just thinking out loud.

 

[fureverywhere]

Two dogs, six cats, six rats, koi and plants to tend to. She and our boy dog are perfect together. He's there for her keeping her company and safe when everybody has to be at work. He like to run the first few blocks of a walk. I trail behind and off they go. It's also had so many teaching moments. He gets testy with strange men. When she first started walking him she would panic if he started growling. I told her you just want to stay calm and hold him tight. Most guys hear him and move along pretty quick anyway. But it's giving her confidence that she can make him obey. I wish we had stables nearby. I used to love horseback riding too.

 

[SeaBreeze]

Fureverywhere, I'm so happy that you have kindness and patience with your daughter, she relies on you for that and you seem to have a lot of love and provide all she needs. Your husband needs to think before he speaks, and not blurt out such harsh things to her, that's for sure. I don't envy you having to deal with things like this, hope he is cooperative and admits fault.

I worked with a guy who had an autistic teenage son. After much frustration raising him on his own (divorced), he went to a naturopath doctor. They gave the son herbs to cleanse his system of toxins, and also removed all the sugary cakes, cookies, etc. from his diet. My coworker was amazed at the improvement. He said it was his son's birthday on year, and he felt sorry for him. He bought a sweet sheet cake from the supermarket and the boy immediately slid downward from the sugar. He vowed, never again.

 

[fureverywhere]

Naw, processed sugars...she is who she is. Just praying her brothers are find to find the right care if me and hubby are gone. Maybe my age forty and conceived...every pre -natal test and they didn't find it...**** my life.

 

[Warrigal]

My grand daughter in her late twenties still likes cutesy things like her Elmo bedspread.
She also likes to colour in and really enjoys colouring in a Disney book for children.
She is also living independently in a granny flat and managing her pension money pretty well.
She sells things on E bay and is studying to be a personal carer for the disabled.

Growing up is a very hard road for some people. Where's the harm is child-like pleasures?

 

[Linda]

you sound like a special mother, in every sense of the word.

You are a special mom for sure. Shame on your husband. My daughter always loved cartoons and when she was a bartender she kept the TV behind the bar on her fav cartoons and her customers put up with it. Now she is 45 and married to the creator of her favorite cartoon (she watched the show before she met him) and she makes good $ writing cartoons or animation as it's called. The same could happen to your daughter. Support her in whatever it is she wants to do.

 

[Debby]

A conversation I have to have with my husband ..........reading " Shades of Grey" ya know?

You sound like a great mom and you did what every good mom does when her 'baby' is hurt! You gave comfort, love and encouragement. Good for you and lucky for your little girl.

 

[venus]

It has probably hurt you much more than your sweet girl.

 

[Rocky]

Sounds like he has not yet accepted that she has some special needs. I am sure that there are times when it just kind of hits you in the face. I think as moms,we can accept pretty much anything and everything about our kids-it can sometimes be a little harder for dads.

You speak the truth, that's for sure.

I am the parent of two children with disabilities. As with many parents in my situation, my husband couldn't handle the idea that he had children who were "less than perfect" [ not his words, nor mine ... the words of a psychiatrist ] and he absconded. Note I said many ... of the 12 children in my elder child's class, only 2 ended up with a father still in the home.

In the end, it was far better that he did walk out on us. That sort of atmosphere in the home would've hurt them more emotionally than would the fact that he walked out.