What are you doing today 2023

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Right Now said:
Reading these posts. I feel truly bad for @Blessed and @Supernatural for their permanent losses with their loved ones.
However, saying you lost a loved one last year when theirs was a marriage break up because one or both cheated on the spouse certainly doesn't equate with "losing someone and mourning".
Not even close. I know, as I never said I lost my husband. I kicked the buzzard out.:)

Can someone explain this? What am I missing?
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Each situation's different. Losing a partner to death when love is still present, is not the same as a divorce. A divorce is when love has gone out and you're just end up living separate lives. The joy that once held you together is gone.

The heartbreak of losing a son at just 26 years old after finally graduating from college, he had his whole life ahead of him. Hubby and I just had two more years before retiring and then we were planning to travel a bit. Take things easy, you know?

You never plan to bury your children before the parents. Regardless of the age it occurs, the pain is the same. I could go on with the explanation but the main difference in all of this IT'S LOVE.

Divorce isn't something popular in both our families, so I can only speak of what I know.

To me both situations are sad. When one gets ready for your wedding day, you're hopeful and joyful, hoping for a bright future ahead... When the life you've planned is cut short, regardless, life has to be rebuild from scratch...
 
Supernatural said:
A divorce is when love has gone out and you're just end up living separate lives.
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One last thing, then I'm done with this subject. Love has gone out and you just end up living separate lives? Not always.

One half the couple may have decided love has gone, not necessarily both. The partner who leaves isn't leading a "separate life," instead leading a new life (and to the partner at least, an exciting new adventure). The left-behind partner is left with a hole in the heart.

A marriage takes two, as does attempting to repair a marriage. If one partner refuses to make the effort, the marriage is beyond repair no matter how the other feels. It was mentioned in an earlier post that resurrecting a dead marriage is what needs to be done (not in those words). That's just plain unrealistic, not to mention pompous, judgmental, dismissive and self-righteous.

A dead marriage is as dead as a dead partner, and mourning a dead marriage is as valid as mourning a dead partner. Since both have happened to me, I speak from experience.

DH and I were three weeks shy of our 20th wedding anniversary when he died. Yesterday would have been our 34th anniversary.

Done.
 

Darn it. Tomorrow's paycheck doesn't yet reflect the $2/hr increase in pay. Yeah, I know we were told it could take a couple of weeks and that it would be retroactive to February 5, but still...

Anyway, retroactive means a hefty bite out of that first one for taxes depending on how long it takes for the increase to show up.

Whine. There are people who would complain if they were hung with a gold rope :ROFLMAO:
 
Georgiagranny said:
One last thing, then I'm done with this subject. Love has gone out and you just end up living separate lives? Not always.

One half the couple may have decided love has gone, not necessarily both. The partner who leaves isn't leading a "separate life," instead leading a new life (and to the partner at least, an exciting new adventure). The left-behind partner is left with a hole in the heart.

A marriage takes two, as does attempting to repair a marriage. If one partner refuses to make the effort, the marriage is beyond repair no matter how the other feels. It was mentioned in an earlier post that resurrecting a dead marriage is what needs to be done (not in those words). That's just plain unrealistic, not to mention pompous, judgmental, dismissive and self-righteous.

A dead marriage is as dead as a dead partner, and mourning a dead marriage is as valid as mourning a dead partner. Since both have happened to me, I speak from experience.

DH and I were three weeks shy of our 20th wedding anniversary when he died. Yesterday would have been our 34th anniversary.

Done.
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I am so sorry for the heartbreak you have suffered. It must be a horrible thing when one spouse decides to leave the marriage. I have seen it happen more than once, it is usually the male, chasing his youth in the arms of a younger woman. For the most part, this does not work and at some point, he realizes his mistake. He can't keep up with the younger lady or if there are children involved, he does not want to raise them. The man may want to return to his marriage.

The question I ask, would the wife be willing to try again? The trust is gone, the love is gone and I could not stand to worry about this happening again. After a certain amount of mourning my loss I would not want to take that chance again. In the end the jilted spouses see their worth, know they will be fine. They step away, create their own new life, their own happiness.

I know this sounds bad but I am happy I was never put in that situation. To tell you the truth I do not know what I would do. I might take him back, give him another chance. My husband was my only love, I have not dated or been with another man, so I am back tracking. I hope I would hope I would have the strength to walk away. That said, it is up to the two people involved. Either way, I hope happiness can be found by anyone left with a broken heart.
 
Georgiagranny said:
Darn it. Tomorrow's paycheck doesn't yet reflect the $2/hr increase in pay. Yeah, I know we were told it could take aI couple of weeks and that it would be retroactive to February 5, but still...

Anyway, retroactive means a hefty bite out of that first one for taxes depending on how long it takes for the increase to show up.

Whine. There are people who would complain if they were hung with a gold rope :ROFLMAO:
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I say the next time you work, eat as many of those chocolate croissants as you can! Get your money's worth! LOL
 
Georgiagranny said:
One last thing, then I'm done with this subject. Love has gone out and you just end up living separate lives? Not always.

One half the couple may have decided love has gone, not necessarily both. The partner who leaves isn't leading a "separate life," instead leading a new life (and to the partner at least, an exciting new adventure). The left-behind partner is left with a hole in the heart.

A marriage takes two, as does attempting to repair a marriage. If one partner refuses to make the effort, the marriage is beyond repair no matter how the other feels. It was mentioned in an earlier post that resurrecting a dead marriage is what needs to be done (not in those words). That's just plain unrealistic, not to mention pompous, judgmental, dismissive and self-righteous.

A dead marriage is as dead as a dead partner, and mourning a dead marriage is as valid as mourning a dead partner. Since both have happened to me, I speak from experience.

DH and I were three weeks shy of our 20th wedding anniversary when he died. Yesterday would have been our 34th anniversary.

Done.
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couldn't have described it better GeeGee.. and those who Mock at the suffering of those in that position are deeply troubled individuals and probably should never have been in a partnership in the first place..

((hugs)).. to you Gee Gee for going through both very painful losses..
 
Supernatural said:
Each situation's different. Losing a partner to death when love is still present, is not the same as a divorce. A divorce is when love has gone out and you're just end up living separate lives. The joy that once held you together is gone.

The heartbreak of losing a son at just 26 years old after finally graduating from college, he had his whole life ahead of him. Hubby and I just had two more years before retiring and then we were planning to travel a bit. Take things easy, you know?

You never plan to bury your children before the parents. Regardless of the age it occurs, the pain is the same. I could go on with the explanation but the main difference in all of this IT'S LOVE.

Divorce isn't something popular in both our families, so I can only speak of what I know.

To me both situations are sad. When one gets ready for your wedding day, you're hopeful and joyful, hoping for a bright future ahead... When the life you've planned is cut short, regardless, life has to be rebuild from scratch...
Click to expand...
Yes same with a separation.. something that comes completely out of the Blue to one partner.. and not that either can be compared to the other in the sense of hurt, but with a separation such as mine..there was no time to prepare as there often is with a terminal illness. There was no monetary help ( Insurance).. to help when suddenly , literally overnight, everything you've worked decades for, and planned for , is gone.. just gone. the person who was your protector, is now your enemy , who thinks nothing of causing you the utmost hurt.. .. and you have no idea how you're going to cope financially either in the autumn days of your life , while nursing a broken heart..

I too have lost a child..also a son.. so I know something of your heartbreak..:(
 
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Blessed said:
I am so sorry for the heartbreak you have suffered. It must be a horrible thing when one spouse decides to leave the marriage. I have seen it happen more than once, it is usually the male, chasing his youth in the arms of a younger woman. For the most part, this does not work and at some point, he realizes his mistake. He can't keep up with the younger lady or if there are children involved, he does not want to raise them. The man may want to return to his marriage.

The question I ask, would the wife be willing to try again? The trust is gone, the love is gone and I could not stand to worry about this happening again. After a certain amount of mourning my loss I would not want to take that chance again. In the end the jilted spouses see their worth, know they will be fine. They step away, create their own new life, their own happiness.

I know this sounds bad but I am happy I was never put in that situation. To tell you the truth I do not know what I would do. I might take him back, give him another chance. My husband was my only love, I have not dated or been with another man, so I am back tracking. I hope I would hope I would have the strength to walk away. That said, it is up to the two people involved. Either way, I hope happiness can be found by anyone left with a broken heart.
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See, I still love my husband.. I hate what he;s done.. I hate the pain and humiliation he put me through just for his own ends.. I hate the fact he didn't give it a thought that I was going to be alone, after decades of marriage, and everything I did for him, and the hurt he was going to cause, not just me, but the extended family..

However I would never take him back. How could I ?.. he destroyed my trust, he made it clear he didn't care what happened to me or the enormous hurt he caused while in pursuit of his own selfish wants...
Once the trust has been breached it can never be restored... and in the words of some great mind...

''When someone shows you who they really are.. believe them'' .. ...and much as it came as HUGE shock to me to think that he was that evil, calculating, volte faced person.. ..not the person I thought he was.. it became clear to me, that the person who I allowed to break my heart.. was not the person I thought I was married to.. ..
 
hollydolly said:
See, I still love my husband.. I hate what he;s done.. I hate the pain and humiliation he put me through just for his own ends.. I hate the fact he didn't give it a thought that I was going to be alone, after decades of marriage, and everything I did for him, and the hurt he was going to cause, not just me, but the extended family..

However I would never take him back. How could I ?.. he destroyed my trust, he made it clear he didn't care what happened to me or the enormous hurt he caused while in pursuit of his own selfish wants...
Once the trust has been breached it can never be restored... and in the words of some great mind...

''When someone shows you who they really are.. believe them'' .. ...and much as it came as HUGE shock to me to think that he was that person.. ..not the person I thought he was.. it became clear to me, that the person who I allowed to break my heart.. was not the person I thought I was married to.. ..
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I am so sorry that you are going through this! I am sorry that he had not been able to man up and take responsibility for his actions. I hate to say it but it may be time to seek the help of a lawyer. If you have decided there is no hope of repairing the marriage it is time to protect your self. Do not allow him to take as he will, get everything you can to insure that you have a home and money to live a comfortable life. I know it is hard but I think you have cried enough, time to fight back!!
 
Blessed said:
I am so sorry that you are going through this! I am sorry that he had not been able to man up and take responsibility for his actions. I hate to say it but it may be time to seek the help of a lawyer. If you have decided there is no hope of repairing the marriage it is time to protect your self. Do not allow him to take as he will, get everything you can to insure that you have a home and money to live a comfortable life. I know it is hard but I think you have cried enough, time to fight back!!
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Oh yes , believe me, I've got things all ready and waiting.. lawyers who are waiting for me just to give them the red light.. and we're off and down that murky Divorce route...

There's several reasons I won't divulge as to why that hasn't happened already, but there's no question that it will.. you might be surprised to learn HE doesn't want the divorce.. but that's another story...

However this broke me like nothing else, .. and there are very close friends, here on this forum.. who unlike my real life friends were able to separate the wheat from the chaffe, and for many months guided me though this with great advice.. and tea and sympathy also when required.. when I was at my very lowest Ebb.. and without these dear friends here on this forum behind the scenes.. I would be in a very much worse place today.. and I'll never be able to thank them enough...
 
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Blessed said:
That is a good one. Someone mentioned it a while ago. I checked to see if it was on any of my streaming services, no luck. I am sure they have it at the library but I have not been there lately.
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I’ve seen ads for the Titanic recently, downloading, streaming, tv for ordering.
But…..
The Thornbirds, I have not, would like to find it and watch it again……along with the million times I’ve already seen it.
LOVE it……❤️❤️❤️.
 
MickaC said:
Was a total surprise…..had not even thought of a vaccination, let alone these……don’t think I’ve ever had these before.
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Yes, it makes going to the doctor so much easier. I like to know why I am there, what is going to happen in my check ups. Seems there is always something I did not expect. Worse, now that I am alone I don't have anyone to talk to about test results or other things I have to go do. The mammorgrams, the colonoscopies, see the orthopedist, then he starts with the xrays, MRI, new meds, physical therapy needed. Crap, it took everything I had to go to the GP for a check up. Like I say, when you hit 50, parts just seem to be falling off, you can't do the things you want to. Old age is kicking my butt!!
 
hollydolly said:
Oh yes , believe me, I've got things all ready and waiting.. lawyers who are waiting for me just to give them the red light.. and we're off and down that murky Divorce route...

There's several reasons I won't divulge as to why that has happened already, but there's no question that it will.. you might be surprised to learn HE doesn't want the divorce.. but that's another story...

However this broke me like nothing else.. and there are very close friends, here on this forum.. who unlike my real life freinds were able to separate the wheat from the chaffe, and for many months guided me though this with great advice.. and tea and sympathy also when required.. when I was at my very lowest Ebb.. and without these dear friends here on this forum behind the scenes.. I would be in a very much worse place today.. and I'll never be able to thank them enough...
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No, I am not surprised, he wants to continue his life the way he wants, he is still not man enough to admit he is wrong, that what he has done has no consequence, why should he suffer do to his actions.

Sorry, no, if you are concerned about your marriage, the life you built together you would not be out there with another partner. No, you don't get to keep it all. This is a life you built with hard work together, his new partner should not benefit from your hard work. I am happy that you are ready to do what must be done to make sure you are safe, that you don't have to worry. Guess he will have start over, the other lady might not find that as appealing as having an affair with a married man that she thinks she will be able to step in and live your life. I am proud of you. You know what to do now!!
 
Blessed said:
Yes, it makes going to the doctor so much easier. I like to know why I am there, what is going to happen in my check ups. Seems there is always something I did not expect. Worse, now that I am alone I don't have anyone to talk to about test results or other things I have to go do. The mammorgrams, the colonoscopies, see the orthopedist, then he starts with the xrays, MRI, new meds, physical therapy needed. Crap, it took everything I had to go to the GP for a check up. Like I say, when you hit 50, parts just seem to be falling off, you can't do the things you want to. Old age is kicking my butt!!
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I totally understand where you’re coming from.
To be able to talk to a caring someone certainly makes going through these things just a little bit easier.
Now, for myself, my own is my own……I do have friends to lean on and talks about matters as such…..they are a distance away.
My foster daughter…..👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻.
I’ve been very lucky so far, nothing earth crashing.
I’ve had 28 years in second marriage for training…..no support, compassion, or anything else…..except for when it was about him…..then….drop everything, and take care of him.
Talk to me anytime, my door is always open…..Blessed 💐.
 
Blessed said:
No, I am not surprised, he wants to continue his life the way he wants, he is still not man enough to admit he is wrong, that what he has done has no consequence, why should he suffer do to his actions.

Sorry, no, if you are concerned about your marriage, the life you built together you would not be out there with another partner. No, you don't get to keep it all. This is a life you built with hard work together, his new partner should not benefit from your hard work. I am happy that you are ready to do what must be done to make sure you are safe, that you don't have to worry. Guess he will have start over, the other lady might not find that as appealing as having an affair with a married man that she thinks she will be able to step in and live your life. I am proud of you. You know what to do now!!
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Exactly that... you're absolutely correct ^^^.. and thanks Blessed.. I'm far from being back to being the person I was before it all occurred but I'm heading in the right direction
 
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MickaC said:
I totally understand where you’re coming from.
To be able to talk to a caring someone certainly makes going through these things just a little bit easier.
Now, for myself, my own is my own……I do have friends to lean on and talks about matters as such…..they are a distance away.
My foster daughter…..👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻.
I’ve been very lucky so far, nothing earth crashing.
I’ve had 28 years in second marriage for training…..no support, compassion, or anything else…..except for when it was about him…..then….drop everything, and take care of him.
Talk to me anytime, my door is always open…..Blessed 💐.
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It is so hard to deal with things as they come up. My son is very good about taking care of me when needed. He has taken me for the colonoscopy, he took me to the doctor when I could not drive. He took, picked me up after a hip replacement, then stayed with me a few days until I could get around. He picked up groceries, he took my big dog home with him so I would not get knocked down. He never complains, I just feel bad taking him away from his family.
 
Blessed said:
It is so hard to deal with things as they come up. My son is very good about taking care of me when needed. He has taken me for the colonoscopy, he took me to the doctor when I could not drive. He took, picked me up after a hip replacement, then stayed with me a few days until I could get around. He picked up groceries, he took my big dog home with him so I would not get knocked down. He never complains, I just feel bad taking him away from his family.
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Don’t feel bad…..you raised a GOOD SON.
 
Blessed said:
Yes, it makes going to the doctor so much easier. I like to know why I am there, what is going to happen in my check ups. Seems there is always something I did not expect. Worse, now that I am alone I don't have anyone to talk to about test results or other things I have to go do. The mammorgrams, the colonoscopies, see the orthopedist, then he starts with the xrays, MRI, new meds, physical therapy needed. Crap, it took everything I had to go to the GP for a check up. Like I say, when you hit 50, parts just seem to be falling off, you can't do the things you want to. Old age is kicking my butt!!
Click to expand...
yes I have this same problem too ...in fact got an MRI next Week...
 
hollydolly said:
Yes same with a separation.. something that comes completely out of the Blue to one partner.. and not that either can be compared to the other in the sense of hurt, but with a separation such as mine..there was no time to prepare as there often is with a terminal illness. There was no monetary help ( Insurance).. to help when suddenly , literally overnight, everything you've worked decades for, and planned for , is gone.. just gone. the person who was your protector, is now your enemy , who thinks nothing of causing you the utmost hurt.. .. and you have no idea how you're going to cope financially either in the autumn days of your life , while nursing a broken heart..

I too have lost a child..also a son.. so I know something of your heartbreak..:(
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Oh @hollydolly I feel your pain dear. Heartfelt blessings and healing vibes sent to you just now. As above, so below. Blessed be!
 
Image

I'm tired....I'm crabby....and I don't want to play anymore!!!

I need someone to put me down for a nap!!!

Good night, everyone! 😴
 

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