Yes, I agree, it’s hell for both of us. But he has support, I do not.
The difference is I keep trying to make it not hell, but he finds hell comfortable. I keep trying to get him to stop withdrawing and engage in life, and he just wants to withdraw. He weights 360 pounds, I keep trying to get him to loose weight. But I am not his mother and I am done.
In the apartment he will have even more of a choice to withdraw completely and have me as a back up caretaker involved only when absolutely needed, as in when I had a choice to get him to the hospital to save his life or let him stay home and die. I took him to the ER against his will. When, on Sunday, he had the same choice for me, he refused to call 911 for me. In fact, last week when I said to him that he would not have saved me, he replied no he would not; and he did not. He would have let me die Sunday and I would have. Google Addison’s crisis. All the doctors confirmed that was the issue I had on Sunday.
He can choose to engage more fully in life or not. I have made my choice.
I am going to realize I can’t count on him for anything and build myself a support system, and a better life for me. I am done with our lives as they are now. His bedroom is at the end of the hall, it is really big master and holds all the things he loves-himself and his stuff. It has the master bigger bath so all the necessary things needed by a man his size. The hall leads to the kitchen, his favorite place. He will be all set and self isolate as much as he wants.
I will go for my walks, engage with the neighbors and massive amounts of children and dogs, walk in the pool once my hip heals, and engage with the teenagers there who tend to like attention from old folks. I will have interactions when I want them with a large variety of people. I will use the treadmill at the gym. I will end my isolation. I will watch tv, color, and play my computer game as I choose. I have a small second bedroom, and I like small rooms. I have the second bathroom for me. In other words, I will give myself a restart for the beginning of rest of my life.
I refuse to let him control or abuse me in any way anymore. It will take time to achieve the changes and a lot of work on my part, but I am committed. I will get a new little tiny dog that I won’t need help caring for. And I will help him when necessary as we are married in the Catholic Church.
He can choose to come along on my new journey or not. I have a plan and I am putting it in motion. All the fights,bickering, useless back and forth crap will eventually end as we will interact less and less unless he changes cause I AM changing. I will become a better person (although I am not all that bad now
).
He comes along or gets left behind in the hell of his choice. And the choice is his. I have really thought this through folks, helpful suggestions accepted; please keep your negativity to yourselves-not referring to you
@StarSong but as you know, some people can be real downers.
Anyway, it was Addison‘s crisis, I could have died very fast, and you just do not get that many do overs. I am taking advantage of mine.
And this starts-TODAY
and took some photos of Cardiff Castle.
I can get an early morning nap as I got no sleep last night. I do, other than the pain in my hip/leg, feel much better.
