I remember reading a 'so called expert' who said no child has a memory before 3 years old.. and I thought.. what absolute rot. Not only did I remember the above at 14 months but I was abducted ( kidnapped).. in the street outside our house when I was 2 years old..
My mother let us out to play, alone.. I know, I know.. but I distinctly remember the woman coming along on a pushbike with a basket on the front. I cannot for the life of me see her face in my minds eye.now or even back then.. but at 2 I probably was not yet able to make a description.., but whatever she said to me I let her pick me up and put me in the basket.. and that's the last I remember of the whole thing.
According to my parents what happened next was there was every police officer out looking for this 2 year old toddler, and they got a call from a Bus driver at midnight, who'd found what he thought was a bundle of rags lying in the middle of the main road and he'd just missed running over it..it was me..I'd been drugged and left to be killed by traffic in the pitch dark..
they never found the woman...
You are right, the expert was wrong. There was a time it was thought people had to have a certain amount of language skills to remember something, but slowly they are coming to realize that while language is needed to
share one's memories, to describe them, that for some, perhaps many of us the memories themselves have been recorded in our minds by the sensory input: sight, sound, smell, tactile and sometimes taste. They linger waiting for the words.
Language can make a huge difference in how we feel about the memory--- and how we feel can be influenced by how parents, older siblings and peers react to our recounting the memory, and by what they say to us about it. There is a therapeutic tool called 'reframing', which some people do naturally as they mature.
Reframing usually involves an emotionally hurtful memory of something a someone said or did, often when we were too young to conceive of or understand their motives--we only know how it made us
feel. Then as we grow learn the whys of their behavior-- trying to protect us, or just repeating how they were raised, or acting from emotional wounds from their own past that are still raw and open.
To be clear, having been abused or even 'just' hurt does not excuse hurting another (except in case of hitting back physically if being assaulted) but it can
explain it and to some extent reframe it as growing out of their pain not how they feel about us. That can sometimes help us let go of how we feel about what they said/did.
This does not mean we need to give them more opportunities to repeat the harm, It just helps us heal our pain, calm our anger & bitterness (which can cause havoc in our lives).