What secret did your parents keep from you?

That my maternal grandfather was an alcoholic, something I didn't find out until I was 37. It was notable to me because my mother also was an alcoholic. There's a genetic component, and I am an addict myself, so I have cautioned my children.
 

There were at least 2 significant ones..

I was "illegitimate" until i was 5 yrs old. Found out at about 12-13 yrs. Parents had been separated since i was 10. I was looking for something in a keepsake box of my Mom's. Found two letters from Dad to Mom that were a couple of years old and a copy of their marriage certificate. Can't remember exact date right now but it was near end of August the year we made trip to NJ visiting both sides of family, 1951. I turned 5 while we were up there, totally unaware the reason for visit was their wedding.

Then in 1952 when i was in first grade my sister K (6 yrs my senior) and i were arguing and she yelled "You're not my real sister." I ran to Mom in tears. Being a kid in pre tv household, i had no clue about step families despite the fact my Dad's first wife, mother of my 3 older sisters had been visiting us for at least 3 yrs. I thought i was adopted, the odd one out, not really belonging.

I rarely paid attention to adult discussions or arguments, hating it when they argued. My mom then explained it to me, that my sisters and i had same father, that Bess was their Mom and she was mine. She was a good stepMom to them. To this day i refer them as my sisters unless the 'half' is relevant to understanding whatever family story i'm sharing. Only K is still alive.
 
Oh goodness my family invented the word secret I;m sure of it..not just my parents but grandparents, uncle, aunts, no-one was talking...

I did learn that when I was born my father was still married to someone else.. albeit seperated, and my parents didn't marry until after his divorce....I'm certain he lied to my mother saying he was already divorced before he got her pregnant

I learned when I was 14 that my father has spent many years in prison, for a very serious crime before I was born .. which I'm not prepared to speak about on a forum.. but suffice it to say... I hated his guts.. and even in death..I hope he rots in hell
 
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I was never told that my grandmother (my mothers mother) was murdered by her estranged in 1937. I always wondered what happened to her. All anyone would say was that she had died. I didn't find out until I was an adult how she died, and that only through investigating it myself.
 
When I left home to explore life & to work at various jobs, my father and I were not on the best of terms. My younger brother was still at home for a while, though he'd didn't get along well with Dad either. A couple years later, he started his own independent path, though he continued to live closer to where we'd grown up. For that reason he had more frequent contact with Mum & Dad.

Several years after I'd been settled for a while in a congenial locality, my brother came to visit. A day or so, after a lot of free and easy conversation, joking, and just enjoying each other's company, at a quiet time my brother found opportunity to discuss family matters. Among other topics, he related that he'd recently had one conversation with Dad when he'd admitted that, when he and Mum had married, he didn't want to have kids... but she did. Actually, this wasn't so shocking to me, it was more like a flood light turned on. It explained a lot of things.
 
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There's more than one but the most shocking was I didn't find out 'till I was about 40 that my mom had a son (and gave him up for adoption) with a guy whom she never married after she and my dad split up. So I've got a half-brother out there somewhere. I tried talking to mom about it but she wouldn't. If it had been a sister, I would've tried to get in contact but chose not to.
 
I'm the eldest child in the family and the next child is not my father's son. My father was away in Africa when he was conceived. It was always obvious that he was different from the rest of us but it never occurred to me that he might not be my full brother.
 
My parents were killed when I was 9, so everything was kept a secret from me. My Gramps, my dad’s dad, told me that me that my dad once shot and killed a man when the man broke into our house. I had to go to the library in a bigger city than where I lived to find out the details. I found an article in the Columbus Dispatch about the incident. The other man was also armed, but didn’t have his weapon drawn. The DA cleared my dad.
 
My grandmother on my fathers side had 10 children. My dad was the first and his last name was not the same as the other 9 children. I had always heard my dad was illegitimate. About 10 years ago, I saw on Find A Grave, a picture of a relative with my dads last name. I questioned this. When talking with a half niece of mine who knew more of the family history, she said that picture was of my dad's dad. I told her I thought my dad was illegitimate. She said my dads mom got pregnant out of wedlock. My dads dad married her one day and divorced her the next to give my dad his last name so he wouldn't be illegitimate. This was in 1895.
 
When I was around 15 I learned that my moms father was actually her step father. He had already passed but when alive he was the only grandfater I had so the big secret had no impact on me.

Here's one I just learned about a couple of months ago. My dad was forty when he married my mom who was seventeen, and pregnant. What I just learned is he never told my mom he was married before and had five other children, that didn't become known for many years and when my mom found out she threw him out. This was before I was born but one of my older brothers told me they lived apart for a couple of years before she took him back.

Growing up I knew he had another family but it was rarely discussed, now I know why.
 
My older sister told me once that our parents and other relatives (mostly women) would always be whispering when children would be present in the room. I also remembered that on a few occasions. Years later my sister asked our mother what all the whispering was about. She told my sister a few things but the point is that these were just ordinary topics of conversation. The adults just didn't want to be overheard discussing things in front of the children.
 
spectratg said:
My older sister told me once that our parents and other relatives (mostly women) would always be whispering when children would be present in the room. I also remembered that on a few occasions. Years later my sister asked our mother what all the whispering was about. She told my sister a few things but the point is that these were just ordinary topics of conversation. The adults just didn't want to be overheard discussing things in front of the children.
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I remember those days. We were taught (in my family) children should be seen and not heard.
 
hawkdon said:
All stuff about medical problems....it was TOP SECRET to have
sickness, disability, etc etc....the folks simply would not discuss
anything like this.....caused some issues down the road tho.....
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Same here! My parents, especially my mother, essentially refused to share family medical history. She hated to talk about it, so she didn't.

It was so frustrating and made management of my own health more difficult.
 
Pepper said:
My parents were blabber mouths. Yet, don’t most of us have our secrets? I know I do with my son.
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Maybe? For myself if i kept things from my kids it was either someone else's business that didn't really impact our lives, temporary due to their age at the time, or TMI for them about me. (Some details even adults don't really want to know about their parents.)

Each of us gets to decide what we consider TMI for our kids. Tho particularly with smart, observant kids one has to realize that even young ones may have concerns about parents' health, or arguments between Mom & Dad. However, i did try to answer their questions honestly (and age appropriately).

Since i was careful to be sure what exactly my kids were asking i don't recall ever having to be 'secretive' about family info/stories. The boys were 5 or 6 before they asked why their Dad didn't die when he was shot, having realized gunshots not always fatal. But it was another 6-7 yrs before they were curious about WHY the assailant shot him. I was honest with that info as i felt they were capable of understanding it by then.
 
hawkdon said:
All stuff about medical problems....it was TOP SECRET to have
sickness, disability, etc etc....the folks simply would not discuss
anything like this.....caused some issues down the road tho.....
Click to expand...
Same here, I don't know any of my family medical history. I couldn't answer any of the doctors questions when I became sick.
 

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