What to do when you don't enjoy being with certain friends anymore?

Farrah Nuff said:
That’s unfortunate about your husband.
I didn’t mean trade so literally though.
I just wondered why anyone would want
to move from their happy place. I can see
now why, with losing a spouse, memories
might not have seemed happy at the time.
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I rushed back to NY thinking my family would help me. I was wrong.
 

I know at one point when my mom was in her 80’s, she was uncomfortable talking on the phone for more than a minute. I would learn that this was dementia beginning.

As far as my close friends go, I only have two, so I am hanging on to them, even if things are not quite the same as in years past. I think we are all busier with grown kids and grandkids. And our lives take a slower and slower pace as we get older.
 

One friend was a chatty Cathy and nowadays just so quiet. I don't ask anymore as I feel there's too much drama there. She'll talk again whenever ready, I'm okay with that.

Long-term friend from school days is too curt with answers. Replies are full of: "Look at me, I've more than you do..." Full of useless jealousy. Sad situation.

One I believed would have been a good potential friend is now making fun of me. I should feel disappointed but now I walk away and let karma deal with it.

Isolation didn't help the situation where one could make friends but the ones who reached out then are now feeling uncomfortable speaking about every day things and assume I won't enjoy the invitation due to having lost hubby.

That's fine, I've been a loner until I met hubby, but we'd always hoped for dinner parties on the weekends and it didn't happen. So, we decided to soldier on and although technically not people you can call friends per se, lots of lovely and nice acquaintances to chat with on outings.

Then over the years, due to life changing situations, lost touch with some good friends. Wondering what's going on with their lives but I guess I'll never know as I don't know where they are nowadays.
 
Supernatural said:
One friend was a chatty Cathy and nowadays just so quiet. I don't ask anymore as I feel there's too much drama there. She'll talk again whenever ready, I'm okay with that.

Long-term friend from school days is too curt with answers. Replies are full of: "Look at me, I've more than you do..." Full of useless jealousy. Sad situation.

One I believed would have been a good potential friend is now making fun of me. I should feel disappointed but now I walk away and let karma deal with it.

Isolation didn't help the situation where one could make friends but the ones who reached out then are now feeling uncomfortable speaking about every day things and assume I won't enjoy the invitation due to having lost hubby.

That's fine, I've been a loner until I met hubby, but we'd always hoped for dinner parties on the weekends and it didn't happen. So, we decided to soldier on and although technically not people you can call friends per se, lots of lovely and nice acquaintances to chat with on outings.

Then over the years, due to life changing situations, lost touch with some good friends. Wondering what's going on with their lives but I guess I'll never know as I don't know where they are nowadays.
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why do you think this has happened with so many friends all at the same time ? :unsure:..why do you think your friend has become 'uselessly jealous'' suddenly ?
 
Pepper said:
I didn't trade anything. It just was. No regrets on our decision to move to NH. The only regret is we didn't stay after husband died there. Big mistake to move. Definitely should have waited a year as my mother suggested.
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Spent many summers in New Hampshire. Enfield, Tamworth, and Conway. All family owned properties. When anyone (in the family) mentioned vacation we all thought "New Hampshire".

In our retirement years we spent a few months each year at our daughter's cottage in Brownfield, Maine - - -right across the line. Age has caught up with us and now our only visits are when the kids drive us up for a few days.
 
hollydolly said:
why do you think this has happened with so many friends all at the same time ? :unsure:..why do you think your friend has become 'uselessly jealous'' suddenly ?
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Oh no, it was over a long period of time. Chatty Cathy is the most recent and she's at the psychologist taking care of it and away in a retreat, I've found out through her business partner.

The uselessly jealous was over 30 years ago. She's had 3 failed marriages within 3 years and she's jealous that my one and only lasted. However, she got married for money not love. Which she received through each divorces, now she keeps repeating whenever she gets a bout of her bipolar attacks that she's much richer than I am! I've given up on her, she's too bitter.

Hope that explains it.
 
DaveA said:
Spent many summers in New Hampshire. Enfield, Tamworth, and Conway. All family owned properties. When anyone (in the family) mentioned vacation we all thought "New Hampshire".

In our retirement years we spent a few months each year at our daughter's cottage in Brownfield, Maine - - -right across the line. Age has caught up with us and now our only visits are when the kids drive us up for a few days.
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Lol...we have a London Borough called Enfield just about 20 miles from me... and it's the last place you'd want to have a happy summer lol.... you'd be shocked if you compared it to your Enfield..
 
Supernatural said:
Oh no, it was over a long period of time. Chatty Cathy is the most recent and she's at the psychologist taking care of it and away in a retreat, I've found out through her business partner.

The uselessly jealous was over 30 years ago. She's had 3 failed marriages within 3 years and she's jealous that my one and only lasted. However, she got married for money not love. Which she received through each divorces, now she keeps repeating whenever she gets a bout of her bipolar attacks that she's much richer than I am! I've given up on her, she's too bitter.

Hope that explains it.
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awww that's so sad.. it's horrible when you think you've got good solid friends and they turn out to be anything but...
 
I have had to drop some toxic people who were my friends. First, every time they phoned, emailed, dropped in unannounced, etc. I told them - sorry I'm busy. Two of them gave up on me. The third one, she asked me why won't I see her and I told her on the phone that I don't enjoy being with her anymore. She asked me to go into specifics and I told her and she hung up on me, perfect! Exactly what I wanted. I can't be hand-holding these people. I have my own problems. In other words, suck it up buttercup.
 
"No" is one of my favorite words. When someone I do not want to be with ask if I want to do something I say "no". When a friend or relative starts in asking questions pertaining to how things are I do not tell them. I just say things are the same as they were before nothing has changed.
 
hollydolly said:
Lol...we have a London Borough called Enfield just about 20 miles from me... and it's the last place you'd want to have a happy summer lol.... you'd be shocked if you compared it to your Enfield..
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Sorry to hear that Holly. Mt grandfather owned an 85 acre farm in Enfield. He bought it back in the early 1920's. Situated on a dirt road it had the big house with a porch running along the front and side of the building, along with a large barn with a loft. Open fields, a couple of acres of blueberry bushes and the rest woodland.

I first went there as a child in the early thirties and we (my mom and I) would spend a few weeks each summer with the old folks. My dad had to work but would drive up on week-ends. A tiny little town with wonderful memories.
 
Maybe start distancing yourself from those you no longer care to share time with. It’s difficult for me to say because I have never been in that situation. All of our longtime friends are still in a good relationship. My wife sets up the social activities, but always asks the other couples we run with what there thoughts are before making plans. After all these years, she knows what most everyone enjoys.

I like the fact that no one tries to control any of our conversations or goes on and on about their kids or pets or whatever. That bores me to tears. What was funny was the time one of our friends took a trip to Hawaii and cruised the islands. For the next three times we were together, the man, not his wife, but the man would start talking about this trip and for the next hour that’s all he spoke about. The next time we all got together, he did it again. About a month later, we decided to take a train ride up to New York City and go see a show. We hadn’t left the station, but for about 15 minutes later after we left the station when he starts talking again about the trip to Hawaii. That’s when the other man in our group says ‘Oh John, for God’s sake. Please give it a break. We have heard all about the trip that I feel like I was there.” For a moment, it was real quiet and then we all started laughing. And good old natured John admits that “Yeah, I probably have been talking about it too much, but it was the best trip we ever had.” We haven’t heard about it since.
 
Actually, I like hearing people's complaints and criticisms, unless its about me or my life! I wish more people would complain to me because they seem more real, vulnerable, human. Rather than the happy face laughing person who is probably not laughing inside, at all. Like evry day is Christmas. I resemble the Man A, perhaps, but I mainly talk about health issues and other things that occupy my time. I have a friend who loves talking...mostly small chitchat, wacky rants. After so many years and years of it, I lost interest and we don't talk. Always on his schedule...because he hates answering the phone!
No need to cut all ties with them...forever. Then again, most people dont change and so you are not missing anything. Send them greeting cards.
 
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