When a friend says to do one thing when you see it another way.

fancicoffee13 said:
I have a friend who insists on telling me to wait, get gas later after we do such and such. So, I waited and then when I wanted to go get gas, he said wait until..... and I said I did wait, now I want to get gas. Well, all said and done, later he wonders why I don't want a soda, and then of course, I am mad because I do not want someone telling (suggesting) I do otherwise because I just ended a marriage with a narcissist. I try very hard and am a patient person, but there comes a time, in my opinion when he needs to "get it".
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Hmmmm....it sounds like this "friend" is more then a friend and this relationship would cause red flags all over the place if it were me. I seem to recall you have difficult relationships. Perhaps take a break from being involved with any one for a while.
 
I don't see anything wrong with suggesting alternative ways - and I do listen to suggestions with an open mind, somebody else can have a better way of doing something.

The problem wasn't the suggestion - it was not taking no for an answer and persisting after that.
 
There is a big difference between two friends having different opinions and letting it be as opposed to two friends having a difference of opinions and one tries to manipulate the other through actions and words. He may be a very nice guy at times but sometimes the best manipulators are the ones who are "nice" at times.

You might want to take the time to talk to him about this. I know I don't know the full picture buy my guess if you do talk to him that things might be ok for a month or two but eventually he will go back to his ways. I hope I am wrong about that though.

You seem to have a building resentment against him. Resentment can be a silent killer. If this keeps up and he doesn't not respect your viewpoint about these situations that pop up then I would terminate the friendship. I know that sounds harsh but the longer something like this goes on the more you are going to build up resentments and end up possible hating yourself for letting it all happen. And that is not healthy. I know friendships are hard to find as we get older but a potential toxic friendship is something no one should put up with.
 
That is very well put, MarkinPhx !

My oldest friendship is 78 years old! We met the summer before Kindergarten ,and although she lives in a different state , we still keep in touch and she comes to NY every 2-3 years to visit.

We are on the opposite sides when it comes to politics, but we do not argue about that.

You are right about " nice" people who have manipulative ways. I sure avoid people like that.

And it is harder to find friends as we get older-but they can be found.

As a widow twice, I found some of my friends that were couples, changed the way they interacted with me.


I imagine that is the same for some widowers too. And maybe for many divorced people.
 
My husband used to drive me up a wall with stuff like that. I was raised to be a servant to my parents and brother. Not allowed to say no. Still, even though I was obedient, they found fault with everything I did. I am a target for manipulation. It's like a sign I carry around. I now keep everyone at arms length. It is sad, but necessary.

Good luck with your friend. I'd tell him to get lost unless he had some benefit to you in the relationship. Then I'd use him for that alone. See, it can work both ways. Yes I am really like this, and no, I don't like being this way. It's the only way I've found some peace in my life though.
 

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