When adult children outgrow their respect compassion and gratitude for senior parents

[Warrigal]

Stay in touch with the grandchildren if you can. Social media makes that easier than it used to be.
I'm on Facebook and so are most of my grandchildren.
Even little kids these days have a Facebook page although I don't think this is always appropriate.
I can send them messages in private because they are on my friends list as a subgroup.
I can also chat with them when I see that they are online.
You can send birthday messages, congratulate them on their achievements, all of which seem to be posted these days.
You can also send photographs, see their albums and keep everyone up to date with your husband's health.

As well as keeping in touch with the grandies, this might also be a way of keeping open a line of communication with your children, while at the same time not actually phoning them.

One thing I learned from Marriage Encounter is to try to tell someone how their actions make you feel while simultaneously deliberately not blaming them for those feelings. This is not an easy thing to do. It was suggested that the best way to do this is in the form of a written communication, preferably a loving letter. Facebook might be adaptable to this kind of communication. You can write about your day in general, its challenges and its joys which can be therapeutic in itself but you can also send personal messages to anyone on your friends list.

My only other suggestion, also learned from Marriage Encounter, is never to write in anger. First take time to meditate lovingly on the person who has hurt you. Still yourself to reflect on their best qualities before thinking about the things they do that hurt. Only then should you begin to write. If you are still expressing anger and blame, don't send.

 

[Ina]

Very good advice Warri, I too have started to get in touch with our grandchildren threw FB. I started with a few words at a time, and I try to never make them feel uncomfortable. Maybe someday I'll try to talk to them about their non involvement in our lives. We'll see. :dontworry:

 

[WhatInThe]

Hi ~ and thanks for your words of support. Well, I now know that I am not the only one that has had family disputes and differences; primarily because of money. Little wonder of our society; that scripture 1Timothy 6:10 teaches us that "the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil". It is so especially emotionally gripping when families and relatives are torn apart because of evil. I got the same feedback (so to speak) that money should not have to be repaid because I am mother.

I am not sure to whom you are speaking in your second paragraph ~ regardless, I am a christian woman and believe in doing to others as I want them to do unto me. Thankfully, no one in my family/relatives have been involved with drugs. I feel that the lowest form of humanity is evident in a thief and a liar; of which I am acquainted through my trusting heart and disappointed experiences. That behavior is not a part of my christian life and I have chosen to let God Almighty reveal his word regarding vengance.

If it was my post it was poor wording which I changed. Apologies.

Any abuse of seniors even if it's sticking them financially I find disgusting. The final years of their lives can affected by forcing them into financial hardship. I've scene the scenario play out too many times including with senior family members. Older seniors can't take too many more negative or stressing events in their life. Today's generation of adult children are one of the first of the instant gratification society and they will do just about anything to anyone to get it.

 

[oldman]

W-Va-Mountain-Twin--I did not realize that on top of the situation that is going on in your life now, you also have a very ill husband, which I was sorry to learn. You must feel all alone with handling this issue. Sometimes, when we give to someone, they want more. I give through automatic payments on a monthly basis from my credit card a contribution to a charity that I have supported for years. About every other month, I receive an appeal from the charity asking if I could give extra this month. It really irritates me and I sometimes threaten to stop the payments all together, but I really believe in this charity and so I relent and just let it pass.

As for you, I do completely understand your inability to say NO. For some people, we want to "be there" because we believe it is our job or that because we are able to help, we should. As parents, some of us do not know when our job of parenting ends. A lot of folks think that you are a parent for life and to some degree this is true. We do continue to nurture and share our wisdom and even give guidance in some situations. However, when we reach retirement and begin to live on a fixed income, we need to be a little selfish and think about ourselves. I, along with many others, have some money put away for this time in my life, but that does not mean that I would be willing to continually give it to my children. I want to help them with an emergency, if needed (and I have), but I do not want to be their personal ATM.

You will have to stand up for yourself and say 'NO.' If they get upset and tell you such things as, "You don't love me," or "You're never going to see your Grandchildren" and so on, then so be it. It will be a tough pill to swallow, but hopefully, they will come around and realize that you are doing what you have to do to sustain your life. After all, if your husband should leave you, how will you survive on a single income?

And believe me, if you should say no, God will understand.

 

[drifter]

Welcome.'