When being a nice guy is not enough,....(?)

My mother talked about the virtue of "stickability", an old fashioned virtue perhaps, (could this play a role?)!
Yes, however, perhaps there comes a time when it may become a sadomasochistic relationship in my opinion. Therefore, it becomes unhealthy unless that is the type of relationship sought which I am sure it is at times. Some may feel it is too much trouble to leave or divorce. The relationship becomes comfortable. And, with our Judeo-Christian upbringing forces some to endure for the family, the children and to avoid appearing or feeling like a failure. Sometimes it is a futile effort to hold the relationship together.
Here is a link to a site that explains a lot. Warning, there are a few images of body parts. LOL If you think you may be offended, don't go there.
https://www.dhushara.com/origsex/origsex.htm#bath
 

Yes, however, perhaps there comes a time when it may become a sadomasochistic relationship in my opinion. Therefore, it becomes unhealthy unless that is the type of relationship sought which I am sure it is at times. Some may feel it is too much trouble to leave or divorce. The relationship becomes comfortable. And, with our Judeo-Christian upbringing forces some to endure for the family, the children and to avoid appearing or feeling like a failure. Sometimes it is a futile effort to hold the relationship together.
Here is a link to a site that explains a lot. Warning, there are a few images of body parts. LOL If you think you may be offended, don't go there.
https://www.dhushara.com/origsex/origsex.htm#bath
Unfortunately I can't access links on this tablet, (or is it fortunately?), but as far as your comments goes, not many would have the "stickability" my mother possessed. However I accept too the wisdom of a mate of mine's parents, who told him "both sides have to be trying to make it work for there to be success in a marriage for either of them"! :)
 
There are many different nice guys. I think my neighbor across the street is a nice guy, always out helping someone else. His wife doesn't say much when he's around. So, he could be a nice guy like my husband was. You never really know do you. As my dear spouse used to say, "at least I'm not hanging around the bars like your dad." My point is there aren't any nice guys, everyone has some angle that's driving someone else
My wife has the best retort for nice guys. There was a nice guy once, about two thousand years ago, he really was a nice guy, so nice that they nailed him on a cross for making them all feel so uncomfortable.
 
at all

Is that then the Christmas message in chez "horseless carriage"? :unsure:
Yes, (is she kind of tough on fools your missus? :whistle:).medic
She had to be. Ask any paramedic, assert yourself or be ridden roughshod!
"Is that then the Christmas message in chez "horseless carriage"? :unsure:"
Not at all, the Christmas message is, hopefully, one of peace & goodwill.
 
Unfortunately I can't access links on this tablet, (or is it fortunately?), but as far as your comments goes, not many would have the "stickability" my mother possessed. However I accept too the wisdom of a mate of mine's parents, who told him "both sides have to be trying to make it work for there to be success in a marriage for either of them"! :)
Yes, in a perfect world both people try to make it work. This is traditional thinking. However, in my opinion, it helps to have common ground in religion, raising children, and personal morality off the top of my head. I have noticed often times that common ground is overlooked when two people first meet and "fall in love" and gets pushed aside later and later until it is forgotten and by then it is "too late".
Per the link: Under the heading "What Women Want" by Chris King is this" Google Chris King (Auckland University retired) for the bigger picture and more papers on the following and further neuroscientific info.
"The answer is reproductive sovereignty – a sovereignty that exists from two billion years ago, with the endosymbiosis that made complex life possible and endowed women with the role of carrying the energy bearing mitochondria and maternal ovum, which forms the continuity of cellular life and the matrix for multicellular embryogenesis. This is the holy grail answer to our organismic mortality."
This is deeply significant in the drive of women to find a mate. It appears, in my mind, that this carries on over time even if child bearing years are over. It seems that there is still that drive in some women which overrides common sense, loyalty or anything that keeps them "sticking".
"This means that men have greater variance in intelligence because some significant brain development genes are X-linked and female reproductive choice can weed out the best X linked intelligence genes with their daughters benefitting as well. So women astutely judging men's performance is not just about gender roles, it's a fundamental part of how sexual selection works in mammals."
I hope this makes clear that humans are hardwired in some ways that we are not aware of and the consequences are real.

This has little to do with the male's role in the relationship in so far as "sticking" is concerned. Once the female separates or divorces from the male, he is often left bewildered as to what has happened leaving his head spinning unless there are overt acts that tell the story.

This is why I commented on the fact that common ground in many areas is so important in order for a relationship to stick. This can overcome hardwired issues, in my opinion. I, also, believe that commonality in religion is so important but is not always a sure way to have a cohesive union.
 
Yes, in a perfect world both people try to make it work. This is traditional thinking. However, in my opinion, it helps to have common ground in religion, raising children, and personal morality off the top of my head. I have noticed often times that common ground is overlooked when two people first meet and "fall in love" and gets pushed aside later and later until it is forgotten and by then it is "too late".
Per the link: Under the heading "What Women Want" by Chris King is this" Google Chris King (Auckland University retired) for the bigger picture and more papers on the following and further neuroscientific info.
"The answer is reproductive sovereignty – a sovereignty that exists from two billion years ago, with the endosymbiosis that made complex life possible and endowed women with the role of carrying the energy bearing mitochondria and maternal ovum, which forms the continuity of cellular life and the matrix for multicellular embryogenesis. This is the holy grail answer to our organismic mortality."
This is deeply significant in the drive of women to find a mate. It appears, in my mind, that this carries on over time even if child bearing years are over. It seems that there is still that drive in some women which overrides common sense, loyalty or anything that keeps them "sticking".
"This means that men have greater variance in intelligence because some significant brain development genes are X-linked and female reproductive choice can weed out the best X linked intelligence genes with their daughters benefitting as well. So women astutely judging men's performance is not just about gender roles, it's a fundamental part of how sexual selection works in mammals."
I hope this makes clear that humans are hardwired in some ways that we are not aware of and the consequences are real.

This has little to do with the male's role in the relationship in so far as "sticking" is concerned. Once the female separates or divorces from the male, he is often left bewildered as to what has happened leaving his head spinning unless there are overt acts that tell the story.

This is why I commented on the fact that common ground in many areas is so important in order for a relationship to stick. This can overcome hardwired issues, in my opinion. I, also, believe that commonality in religion is so important but is not always a sure way to have a cohesive union.
I suppose we should all bow to your greater knowledge on this subject, (you do consider yourself a relationship expert don't you?)?
 
I suppose we should all bow to your greater knowledge on this subject, (you do consider yourself a relationship expert don't you?)?
No to both parts of your sentence. My comments are my opinions gleaned from personal experience. I believe I added that caveat in my summary. I happen to like Chris King's research on this subject. It rings true to me. How you internalize what I said is up to you.
 
No to both parts of your sentence. My comments are my opinions gleaned from personal experience. I believe I added that caveat in my summary. I happen to like Chris King's research on this subject. It rings true to me. How you internalize what I said is up to you.
Ahhh, I'm not sure I truly "internalised" anything as it happens, (my comments were perhaps more flippant!).
As far as your earlier post goes then, (the one I failed to read well enough), the guru I tend to follow on human behaviour/relationship issues etc., is Desmond Morris, though if you were to tell me his books and thinking have been debunked and dismissed by those experts you've encountered I won't be surprised.
 
I consider myself to be a "nice guy", but I stand up for myself when necessary. I managed a group of salespeople prior to my retirement, and I had a personal interest in the life and well-being of each one. Happy employees are productive employees. But when they weren't living up to expectations, I could call them out and they still respected me. The primary characteristic of being a good leader is caring, not ruling with an iron fist. So I guess "nice guys" are okay in that respect.

I do help my neighbors when they need it because I know they are genuinely nice people, but I never let someone get the better of me. There is a way to balance it all.
 


Back
Top