When being a nice guy is not enough,....(?)

Gary O' said:
Yeah, we're 30 miles west of it.
Happily, the wind is blowing the other way at present.
My son drove his rig thru it a couple days ago.
No daylight...ever.
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I was wondering the same thing! Be careful Gary! The wind can change and the fire can escalate at any moment!
Stay safe!
 

Gary O' said:
Yeah, we're 30 miles west of it.
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That's still too close for comfort. But being on the west side is better, less smoke. Is your area one at high fire risk?

I used to fight fires for the Forest Service, long ago, 70s. I was based in Wyoming, but got to Oregon for a big one once. My brother was on Weyerhaeuser's fire crew out of Klamath Falls for a number of summers, back in the 70s and 80s. So I have some idea as to what you are seeing.

Best of luck with it, and do be careful.
 
Alligatorob said:
My brother was on Weyerhaeuser's fire crew out of Klamath Falls
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Our house is in K Falls
Not sure how much of a threat here in town.
S'pose, if the wind kicks up too much, it could be an issue

Our cabin is 50 miles north of us
Those lodge pole pines are tinder dry
Don't need much to light up them sticks
 
I've always heard that women are attracted to "bad boys". Lord knows that was true for me at least once. There's also the expressions.."The heart wants what the heart wants" and "Nice guys finish last". I think there needs to be a balance. Men who are too nice get taken advantage of and to use your expression "taken in". Their women might feel they are weak or not enough at a challenge. Of course not all men and not all women fit those molds.
 
Pepper said:
There is no language named Swiss.
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You're quite right, Swiss German I should have said.
Sorry heat getting to what's left of my brain unfortunately, and there's Swiss French, and Swiss Italian isn't there too, (I've been there four times, so should have remembered, even if its a long time ago now).
 
Gaer said:
I've always been attracted to a man with a little "rebel" in him. You know, a man who stands alone in his beliefs and has his own value system; doesn't follow the crowd.
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Some people have this trait in spades don't they!
Not quite the same thing but the author and journalist Auberon Waugh used to apparently "Say the things no one else wanted to say but had to be said" apparently, in a satirical magazine specialising in that kind of thing, (Private Eye).
He was admired for the independence of his thinking, and was from a famous literary family.
Moving back to the point about who we're attracted to, although we may like someone with a bit of devil in them, the contradiction is we don't wish to be totally ruled by them, (or anyone else!), though treat us right, and we're pussycats, or "putty in their hands", (am I right?). :)
 
Chet said:

When being a nice guy is not enough,....(?)​

Not enough for what?
Being nice to me means being civil and friendly in a social situation as long as others are the same way. If others don't reciprocate, it's time to walk away.
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It could be being nice not being enough to suit your spouse or partner, (though I accept what you're saying generally).
 
Devi said:
My husband is nice, and truly kind-hearted.
And no one's patsy.
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Whilst doing some haymaking yesterday, (as I mentioned on another thread), assisting a very nice family, presided over by a guy I think I've met before, and who is a very successful businessman in his seventies. I was struck by yes, just how nice he was, and his large extended family were.

However, dear old dad/grandad had to listen to the teenage grandchildren complaining about his sons (their uncles obviously), being overbearing, (which they were), and the man's two sons were making snide remarks about each other, both to their faces, and behind their backs. The nice old guy only smiled when they did this, and when the sons argued with their father about almost everything, and they told him he never did anything, (he had a stroke ten years ago, and a serious fall recently, resulting in him being taken to hospital, so not doing bad to be helping at all).

I'm telling you all this because in my view, the man I'm describing was no shrinking violet, or anyone's fool either, and this picture of family life I'm describing is quite normal, or even healthy, given the fact no one held anything back etc.

His wife surprised me a little when one of her teenage grandsons came up to give her a kiss as he left, but over did it, so that his grandmother believed he was just doing the emphasised show of affection to impress others, or falsely, and she swore at him and called him a "b'stard"! Everyone however say the humour in the situation, and the very smart and handsome grandson laughed as much as everyone else.

So, as you say nice doesn't have to mean meek and mild, or weak, but maybe you'll agree sometimes it does mean those things, or they can go together(?).
 
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"You are losing your grip"! (no not you, well I hope not anyway)

This was a saying or challenge my Godfather Billy used to use, once when encountering my father, but he was only joking and my father took it as a joke, (as my father wasn't losing his grip on life thankfully, then at least).

"Nice people" (like us), can sometimes "lose our grip" on life. I certainly have, and its so much better when we regain it I must say.

My parents said, "Its a great life if you dont weaken"! This is another way of putting forward the same thing, we should try not to lose our grip on life obviously, though maybe those more tender souls on this earth can get thrown, or our wits may go absent for a while.

The only consolation maybe, is that it wouldn't do if everyone were the same, in terms of "niceness" or anything else! :unsure::whistle:(y)
 
One thing to remember about "nice guys" is that one of the traits of sociopaths is that they often come across as really nice guys - affable, friendly, charming, snooth, etc. In reality, there is nothing "nice" about them. I got acquainted with sociopathic behavior while working with a psychologist rooting out some poisonous behavior in a large corporation. I remember going down this behavioral rabbit hole by reading and studying the works of Hervey Cleckley. I may still have his seminal work, The Mask of Sanity.

All of that said, when you encounter someone who's extremely charming, smooth, friendly, affable, comfortable or whatever; you'd be wise to get your guard up
 
The “nice guy” type is typically considered to be the type who’ll always be available to help, give you the shirt off their back, pleasant and agreeable, easy to talk to, a good neighbor type.

Ron is all that, up to a point….but then no. He’s not selfless and he has appropriate boundaries. We both do. And I think that’s where some folks would consider him NOT nice any more.

I believe the expectation for a “nice guy” is that they WILL be selfless and do anything for anyone and when you fall short of that you’re not nice anymore…at least that’s the opinion of the entitled person who’s trying to get you to help.
 
JonDouglas said:
One thing to remember about "nice guys" is that one of the traits of sociopaths is that they often come across as really nice guys - affable, friendly, charming, snooth, etc. In reality, there is nothing "nice" about them. I got acquainted with sociopathic behavior while working with a psychologist rooting out some poisonous behavior in a large corporation. I remember going down this behavioral rabbit hole by reading and studying the works of Hervey Cleckley. I may still have his seminal work, The Mask of Sanity.
All of that said, when you encounter someone who's extremely charming, smooth, friendly, affable, comfortable or whatever; you'd be wise to get your guard up
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Fakery is everywhere, so just as likely to be as you say, people whose behaviour may appear nice etc., but they hide they real intentions behind the facade of niceness.
No reason therefore not to start out being a bit wary of folks and maybe even hold on to a few reservations, or listen to a few other good judges about whoever it might be's character.
I used to ask a female member of staff to assist when interviewing another woman for a job, as their insight seemed better than ours in some ways, (not so taken in by appearances or whatever it might be?), but a second opinion at least was always useful.
Of course, most people you meet are not looking for a job, so you have to accept all kinds of differing situations.
If you've moved on to form a relationship with someone, but "still dont really know them", (as I'd suggest still does happen, maybe as much today as previously, if not more so perhaps?).
 
Ronni said:
The “nice guy” type is typically considered to be the type who’ll always be available to help, give you the shirt off their back, pleasant and agreeable, easy to talk to, a good neighbor type.
Ron is all that, up to a point….but then no. He’s not selfless and he has appropriate boundaries. We both do. And I think that’s where some folks would consider him NOT nice any more.
I believe the expectation for a “nice guy” is that they WILL be selfless and do anything for anyone and when you fall short of that you’re not nice anymore…at least that’s the opinion of the entitled person who’s trying to get you to help.
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I know someone who is very often a "nice guy", and as you say goes out of his way to be helpful, and show goodwill, (I'd describe him as one of my best friends even), but going along with that side of his character, is a need to control perhaps, and certainly nowadays very serious alcohol related problems too.
I'd say of him, as a young man, and before the alcohol took hold, anyone who married him would more than likely, have been taking on far more that she could chew.
 
I suppose the selfishness present in each one of us I'd guess, means all can in some ways be fairly described as "not nice", though I'm probably overthinking the issue here, because as they do say, "We're all human"! :giggle::rolleyes:
 
oldman said:
The saying “Nice guys finish last” has a lot of truth to it.
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In my experience, with but one or two exceptions at most and only when in public, women absolutely HATE nice guys. As for those few who claim to like nice guys, it's those who aren't their husbands as they would rather kiss poison ivy than them.
 
oldiebutgoody said:
I saw the same in high school, college, and even in law school. While women often deny it, they almost always are attracted to tough guys and, all too often, to trouble makers.
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In a sense, some of us men are attracted to strong women too.

If you wished to have children, you wanted to marry someone capable of caring for or "mothering" a child well didn't you(?).

At the same time I'd say men might be attracted to a woman who is a little vulnerable, or at least a woman who isn't all hard (one might say intimidating/macho).
 
(I know this is an old thread) After reading a couple of comments about how bad some of these husbands were or are I just have to ask,
Why did you stay?
 
IFortuna said:
(I know this is an old thread) After reading a couple of comments about how bad some of these husbands were or are I just have to ask,
Why did you stay?
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My mother talked about the virtue of "stickability", an old fashioned virtue perhaps, (could this play a role?)!
 

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