When people bait you, how do you respond?

chic

chic

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Title. We all know people who are not in complete alignment with us and will try at any opportunity to bait us into an argument. How do you cope with this most successfully?

For me, just avoidance works best. Sometimes if I'm in a temper, and I do have a bad one that likes to react immediately and without thinking something through, I will fall into the trap and argue. I almost always regret it. But just ignoring the person seems to be most successful for me personally. How do you cope?
 

If someone is intentionally trying to make me angry, I can recognise it in an instant… then the best thing is to ignore it because as the old saying goes, no one can make me angry without my permission.
Then you have those who accuse someone of baiting them, because, the other person may be making a perfectly valid observation which the complainer may not like.

Personally, I don’t take much notice of “baiting” because nine times out of ten it’s just whinging.
 
Few people do it intentionally.

Some people set me off with unsolicited lifestyle advice and so on. Or we disagree about certain issues. I have a policy of ignoring or deflecting, e.g., smiling and changing the subject.

Some people online might jump to conclusions and insult me. I remind myself that it takes all kinds, they might be drunk or unhappy, etc.

If I've already stated my case once, I don't repeat myself or get deeper into it.

I have one friend who I disagree with about certain things, but when we discuss it's always respectful and an opportunity to learn. Sometimes a bit of teasing, but never baiting.

Mostly, I just hate arguing and refuse to do it.
 
https://www.wikihow.com/Respond-to-Baiting

How to Respond to Baiting

Some people really have a way of getting under your skin and they'll say or do intentionally provocative things. This is called baiting. Their goal? To make you lash out in anger—and when you do this, it means they have the upper hand.[1] But you don't have to play this game. While you might not have any control over what someone else says or does, you can control how you respond to it.
...Someone who baits you manipulates your emotions by saying or doing something they know will upset you.
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Average persons in casual face to face conversations tend to be unaware of the attitudes they are non-verbally communicating on subtle emotional levels, others are picking up on on similar subtle emotional levels. Most of those that habitually bait others during discussion or argumentation, are not actually aware they are doing so but rather have developed a personality behavior of provoking others during discussion and argumentation in order to elicit emotional responses from others they disagree with.

A good response is if any emotion might be involved, to knowingly suppress whatever with a calm smile followed by a terse statement closing out the willingness to expand any more. For that reason, I will sometimes explain to them how whatever they said is baiting me in order to steer a conversation elsewhere, often off subject. For those that are purposely knowingly playing that game, they will often interject something they know the other person can easily defend and expect them to jump on it doing so. But that is only to put them in their sand box where they can then play their manipulative game drawing the other person into whatever conversation on their terms.

All this can also play out on Internet web forums. Those with political agendas will often quickly jump conversations into their favorite narrow issue by crafting a response to a familiar forum opponent in a way that in the past has resulted in defensive like bashing responses. Others may just name call some politician they habitually cuss at knowing it annoys their forum opponent. That is why I've suggested when folks here are carefully trying to discuss a political issue on this board that they don't use actual names that pops that balloons emotion. For example B is the D president. Don't be easily sucked in. Nor does one need to be silent as a terse response sends a better message.
 
Actually someone tried this yesterday. I had come in the front door of my building and was talking to our maintenance man and had my 2 little dogs. This guy that’s an alcoholic walked in and started complaining that my dogs were barking. I am on the board so know he hasn’t paid his hoa fees in a year.

I picked up the biggest offender and he stops and then he gets the other one going again by approaching her and telling her to be quiet. He is looking at me and starts telling me what to do and I turn my back and keep talking to the maintenance guy until he goes away. I wanted to tell him off but never know if he’s drunk or not and I am on the board.
 
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