When you married did you marry for love or something else?

A friend of mine once was ranting about her husband and how she wished she had never married him.

I asked why she had married him in the first place and she said her father had caught them in a "compromising" situation and told her she had to get married.

I said, "You were 18, you didn't have to do what your father told you to do!"

Her answer...."You didn't know my father...."
 

PeppermintPatty said:
A lot of arranged marriages actually work out.
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Just a question. Don't they work out because there is so much traditional behavior around them to support them? Would such marriages work out if there wasn't the traditional context they typically are in? So the couple are not marrying for love. But, for playing a role and participating in the culture.
 

Married because we had to. Had to was because I knew if I didn't ask her I could miss out on the love of my life. When you know it's right taking a chance of not asking isn't worth it.

Met in Dec. 1961 married in march of 1962. I was right :D
 
Rule #1. ... Pass on Marriage till your 69 years old.
why............ because.

Rule #2. ... What the alternative approach?
Because .. U need not be miserable all of your young life. Wait, be miserable when your are 69 years old.

Rule#3 ... How do I pass all those single alone years without being lonely and miserable?
Easily ....... Hahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha ..... :ROFLMAO:
 
Knight said:
Married because we had to. Had to was because I knew if I didn't ask her I could miss out on the love of my life. When you know it's right taking a chance of not asking isn't worth it.
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In the first sentence of the quote you said 'we' had to. But, in the second sentence you are only speaking for yourself. Maybe the 'we' should be an 'I'. I wonder what her thoughts were. You were fortunate in your guess to not find yourself in love alone later in your marriage. I think many are not so lucky.
 
papa tiger said:
Because .. U need not be miserable all of your young life. Wait, be miserable when your are 69 years old.
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By what has been often testified here in this thread, I don't think it is a guarantee that people are miserable in marriage. They can be. But, many are not. You could have been. But, maybe you wouldn't have been. I don't think it is guaranteed either way. For me, there were many other issues rather than the belief it would be a miserable experience.

The chief reason I never married was because as a child I was taught to be alone. No child should ever be forced to learn that. And, as a result deeply questioned women's motives and distrusted rather than simply be cautious.
 
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Wes said:
Just a question. Don't they work out because there is so much traditional behavior around them to support them? Would such marriages work out if there wasn't the traditional context they typically are in? So the couple are not marrying for love. But, for playing a role and participating in the culture.
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I really donā€™t know. I donā€™t think Iā€™d be told anything if the relationship didnā€™t work out. I just happened to work with a women who had an arranged marriage. Sheā€™d been in Canada for about 5 years.

It may have worked because they moved to Canada. Perhaps if theyā€™d stayed where they were, it might not have. Other cultures marriage practices are so foreign to us but maybe thatā€™s what they are used to. This women basically said she lucked out. Apparently her man was handsome and a good father to their kids.
 
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Wes said:
In the first sentence of the quote you said 'we' had to. But, in the second sentence you are only speaking for yourself. Maybe the 'we' should be an 'I'. I wonder what her thoughts were. You were fortunate in your guess to not find yourself in love alone later in your marriage. I think many are not so lucky.
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The problem with written communication the attempt at humor is lost. This was about marrying for love, "we had to" was supposed to imply shot gun wedding as in "had To" .

We didn't, her mother was old fashioned. A chaperone even on the balcony when I went to see her was present.

So that you don't wonder, her thoughts were like mine. One of those when you know you know for both of us.
 
Wes said:
You see? This is what I mean about no one coming forward with any other reason for marriage but for love. They get so judged so badly. It is seen as a real 'downer' mark against them. But, there is nothing really wrong about it, I believe. Not you necessarily, but those who judge so narrowly are only testifying to their narrowness and limited life experiences.

The most interesting people I've met in my life were often the least inhibited and had not lived their lives only within the confines of 'acceptability'. Rather they lived life dangerously. And, as a consequence they were very interesting to know. I don't think I am alone in this. You may have found them interesting and good companions as well. For them as potential spouses it would not have worked for me nor did love work for me as well. But, that's me.
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We married for love 43 years ago, and remain in love and extremely compatible. We both grew up in the suburbs of a large city, are less than six months apart in age giving us nearly identical cultural and generational experiences, our fathers were both well-regarded professionals (vastly different industries though), our moms stayed at home, our families were of similar sizes (5 kids vs 4), and so forth. Similar bacgrounds.

DH was plenty broke when we started dating - I had more money - but he was determined to run his own business and those were the early days. For the record, I was proposed to by men with a lot more than he had, but I didn't love them.

Could I have fallen in love with someone 15 years older than me, or who didn't finish high school, or worked as a short order cook with no greater aspirations, or drank heavily? Maybe. Would I have married him? Nope.

People don't - or shouldn't - marry just for love, which, let's face it, is often heavily based on physical attraction. Permanently hooking two lives together should take into consideration everything about yourself and that other person.

Our three children are all married. The two whose marriages work well both said to us when they were dating, "OMG, Mom & Dad, you should meet BF/GFs parents. I swear, they're just like you!" My other DIL's family is quite different (not worse, just different) from ours and their marriage suffers for it. Overcoming dissimilar backgrounds can be a daily grind.

So Wes, maybe your being a doctor made you more appealing to those women. That doesn't mean they didn't acutally love you.
 
Love is the only good reason, imo. Without that, I'd not of contemplated marriage.

A lot of responsibility comes with committing to a partner, buying a home, kids, etc. Something's got to hold you together, something immaterial.

Of course, love changes over the years. You adapt, get new habits, hobbies, likes and dislikes. Being an individual, your partner will be doing the same. But disliking someones choices is different than falling out of love with them. It's the love that makes it worthwhile.

Of course, I'm adjusting to being alone again - life can be a cruel mistress.
 
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