Where We Are Today is because of Choices

Lon said:
Irrespective of whether we grew up rich or poor or some where in between we are all in our present state of living because of choices that we have made in the past. We made a choice of a spouse, to smoke or not smoke, to drink or not drink, to save/invest/ or to spend, I am very fortunate to have made many more correct decisions during my life time than poor ones. I maintain that even in the present world in which we live, the unemployed, homeless, the incarcerated,poverty stricken all had choices to make and that their present state is possibly due to choices that they made or didn't make.
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I disagree somewhat. People who acquire many disabilities didn't have a choice much of the time.
 
AZ Jim said:
You just don't get it Lon. Not everyone gets the same cards in this game of life. I could go into great detail about how things might have gone differently for you and things gone different but I shall not. But just consider all the many things that can boost some of us and destroy others. Fortune is NOT all choice...
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What I do get friend Jim is your willingness to make excuses for people.
 
Lon said:
How do we account then for the many people that have experienced extreme trauma and or disability and beat what could have been deleterious effects? Is it just possible that they made some individual right choices?
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Trauma is from others and not the self thus no choice in the matter.
 
Lon said:
The source of the trauma makes no difference.
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How absurd. Many times in life things happen to people, both good and bad, that are entirely beyond their control. No matter how much you plan or how hard you work, you can't avoid fate. A tragic accident, a devastating illness, or a stock market dump can change a person's life forever.
 
It is heartrending enough to have one’s life shattered by events beyond one’s control without the spectre of being judged weak, or lacking in good judgement because the severity of the situation curtails one’s choices. No one should feel shamed by such, sadly, many do. Some of them end up in my office, far more end up dead. Often, the greatest obstacle lies not within the damaged person, but with those who seek only to condemn rather than understand. Judgement kills.
 
Lon,
I don’t mean this in a disrespectful way at all but in this particular topic, I think your stance is far too narrow.

Sure you are entitled to your opinion but in my opinion you are over simplifying trauma. Trauma is far more complex than you are indicating.


Ultimately how we feel about trauma is our choice but there’s also a ‘time’ factor to consider along with many other factors.


If you were suddenly attacked and and were in a coma and became permanently paralyzed, would you be upset?


Yes you have a choice as to how you feel about this but , for most people, it takes stages of recovery to get there.


Not everyone has the same opportunities so how do we compare apples to oranges?
 
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It's that old saying if you could go back again and do things differently. But not everyone is given a good and stable base in life. An 18 year old who grew up in an abusive house may as well be a newborn at that age. They have to go and start figuring it all out from that time forward and may be way behind everyone else. If they can survive at all.

A bit of empathy goes a long way.
 
Kitties said:
It's that old saying if you could go back again and do things differently. But not everyone is given a good and stable base in life. An 18 year old who grew up in an abusive house may as well be a newborn at that age. They have to go and start figuring it all out from that time forward and may be way behind everyone else. If they can survive at all.

A bit of empathy goes a long way.
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Qft.
 
Kitties said:
It's that old saying if you could go back again and do things differently. But not everyone is given a good and stable base in life. An 18 year old who grew up in an abusive house may as well be a newborn at that age. They have to go and start figuring it all out from that time forward and may be way behind everyone else. If they can survive at all.

A bit of empathy goes a long way.
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Sometimes all we learn from our parents is who not to be.
 
I tend to agree....to a minor degree....with Lon, and his assumption that many Seniors are in financial duress due to poor financial decisions they made during their working years. However, there is, IMO, an even larger reason for Seniors living with little financial security....which has NOT been mentioned in this discussion. That reason is DIVORCE. Unless both spouses are lucky enough to have good paying jobs when they decide to divorce, they quickly find that they are both taking a huge "pay cut" by divorcing. Then, if there are children involved, the child support funding, and the need to maintain two households, etc., quickly puts both parties into a "minimum wage" situation....with little hope for building up any reserves for their retirement years.

Marriage, and the ability to remain so, is often the most stressful experience in most peoples lives. Two people cannot live together peacefully, for decades, without having some "eruptions". Choosing a good "life mate", and being able to work through the issues that develop, over the years, is becoming increasingly uncommon. Present statistics indicate that over 40% of today's marriages end in divorce, and I would submit that many of those people are headed for a lifetime of financial problems.
 
Don M, the thought of divorce also came to my mind but I didn't post it. I also think some people will forget how lucky they are. I posted this on another senior forum that my own mother snickered that there were people living in their nice adult mobile community on social security only. She seemed to forget, even with her own background, that her income was less than 600 dollars a month. Their comfortable retirement was all from my stepfather's social security and county pension.

I also think people forget that their lives go on with services provided by people who make low wages and work at menial jobs. For example there are people at Lon's nice assisted living who clean and do the dishes. Their services help make his life what it is. Are they lesser people?
 
Kitties said:
Don M, the thought of divorce also came to my mind but I didn't post it. I also think some people will forget how lucky they are. I posted this on another senior forum that my own mother snickered that there were people living in their nice adult mobile community on social security only. She seemed to forget, even with her own background, that her income was less than 600 dollars a month. Their comfortable retirement was all from my stepfather's social security and county pension.

I also think people forget that their lives go on with services provided by people who make low wages and work at menial jobs. For example there are people at Lon's nice assisted living who clean and do the dishes. Their services help make his life what it is. Are they lesser people?
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Of course they are not lesser people but I know for a fact what staff and workers at my facility earn and it's much more than minimum wage nor is it menial work. Regardless, their working here is by CHOICE.
 
On the last day of school, (I was a teacher) I used to give my kids a pep talk -- the choices you make determine the life you lead. Mostly I wanted them to do the right thing, don't smoke, don't have kids too young, and acquire a skill so they could get a good paying job. I always emphasized that a skill didn't always mean a college degree. if you get all the truly important things right, then it's easier to weather the storms of life. I also told them that in life the playing field wasn't ever level, but hard work can go a long way.

As for the Hubs and myself, we saved for our retirement since we were 25. I give all the credit to him for that. We paid attention in school, showed up on time, worked hard, lived within our income, and stayed married. Neither of us were born to privilege, not even close. Were we just lucky? A little. But we also made a long series of good decisions.
 
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