Which would you rather have- a partner, or your life as it is?

I was very happy and content without a husband. I dated socially, had fun, spent time with kids, grandkids and friends, and thoroughly enjoyed my life just as it was.

I never intended to get married again.

Meeting Ron changed that. Folks ask me what it’s like living with a man after being alone for so long. My answer is always the same. “It’s like living with myself!” We are so similar in so many ways, that our individual habits and routines, our need for order and organization, our fastidiousness, have made as close to perfect a union as is possible I think.

And we’re different enough in other ways that life is never boring!
 

I would like a male friend to converse with and share casual dining and help occasionally. I don’t think most seniors my age are looking to set up new households with anyone; that is a pretty drastic move, but meeing new friends is not off the table. I’m surprised there aren’t more discussions about this. Forbes magazine published a list of the ten top Senior Dating sites, but I haven’t tried one. I tried a dating site years ago. I was looking for great conversation but most of the men could only say “send a pic”. I would have been glad to send a pic before meeting in person if they had sent signs of intelligence first.
 
TabbyAnn said:
I would like a male friend to converse with and share casual dining and help occasionally. I don’t think most seniors my age are looking to set up new households with anyone; that is a pretty drastic move, but meeing new friends is not off the table. I’m surprised there aren’t more discussions about this. Meeting in person if they had sent signs of intelligence first.
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I prefer meeting in person, so I can get an idea of their personality. The rest I agree with.
 
Didn't think I could live alone with no friends, after my husband died but,
my solitude is so blissful. Pure awareness, pure silence of the mind.
It's a refinement that I can't explain; being in your aloneness, being aware
of your inner growth; this sparkling happiness inside me, just an unfolding
of my consciousness. It's as if, FINALLY I'm completely awake and alive!

I study, create, express, am healthy, happy, full of ideas and energy.
It would be nice to have a few close friends but no one seems to
share my values, goals, interests. I see them now in suffering, complaints,
gossip, criticism, even hate. This is no longer a part of my life.

Pepper said, "I don't want "a" partner. I want "the" partner."
That's pretty much how I see it. He would have to enhance what I already
am and I'd have to be deeply in love with him! I AM a rather weird person
so he would have to be tolerant, intelligent, inspiring, self-actualized.
If this happens, great! If it doesn't happen, great as well! Happy alone!
 
This is probably the most ambivalent issue I struggle with. On one hand, I crave my private time enjoying hobbies, interests, and quiet reflection.
Not having to compromise with someone is delicious. On the other hand, I love to share.....dinners, movies, conversation, walks. So there are many lonely times now. Maybe someday I'll meet the right person and start a "LAT" relationship (Living Apart Together). Perhaps I'll reincarnate as an albatross and mate for life☺️
 
I did the online dating thing in my 50s.

I met a woman who made a great "go out and have an enjoyable time" partner. So we went out for 4 years. But it was most important to her that we get married.

I didn't want to be married again. I'm not really the marrying kind even after 25 years having been married.

So she married another guy a few months after I told her.

I miss our getting together, but I don't regret not marrying her.

I only have to worry about myself and I'm the only one deciding money matters.

I felt like my hanging around with her was only because I felt lonely.

So I thought about why I felt lonely and I decided it's all an illusion how you feel.

So I decided to be happy until the day I die.

As long as I can converse with others, I won't be lonely.
 
hollydolly said:
Hell
when-a-woman-says-no-she-means-it-picture-id469893465
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I concur so much with this. I've had dogs and cats, they were ALWAYS happy to see me.
 
I used to "partner up" for reasons like "We both want [marriage or whatever]." Or we'd have sex a few times, and suddenly we were in a relationship. But many long stories short, most of the men didn't really like me. And/or I lost respect for them.

An exasperated relative said, "Get to know the person first." I didn't even know what that meant. How could I get to know the person unless we were in a close relationship?

Now I'm beginning to understand what it means to get to know someone. Platonically. I can see how that could eventually lead to more. But it takes a long time. I don't have enough years left.

For one thing, there are no appropriate men in my life. How many years before I meet one?

For another, at this stage in life, things can change so quickly, e.g., death or nursing home. It's nice to think we could be there for each other in our last years, but it seems unlikely, given interfering relatives, financial plans already in place, etc.
 
I messed up when I didn’t marry the woman I was closest to almost all my life and then she unexpectedly died last July 5. I am lonely and I would like to also have a child, but at this point, I would be satisfied adopting an older son and daughter, if they would agree to take my last name. I will worry about that part if I ever fall in love again. I have dated several women, especially since retirement, but none have rung my bell, if you know what I mean. One woman I dated, I met coming out of a movie theater. We talked snd stopped in at a bar nearby and had a drink and we made a date. Not long after we sat down for dinner, I asked her to tell me a little about herself. I think the first thing she said was she didn’t want anymore children. She had 3 grown kids and 2 of them were a pain by always asking for a loan and never repaying her a dime of it back.
 
Been There said:
I messed up when I didn’t marry the woman I was closest to almost all my life and then she unexpectedly died last July 5. I am lonely and I would like to also have a child, but at this point, I would be satisfied adopting an older son and daughter, if they would agree to take my last name. I will worry about that part if I ever fall in love again. I have dated several women, especially since retirement, but none have rung my bell, if you know what I mean. One woman I dated, I met coming out of a movie theater. We talked snd stopped in at a bar nearby and had a drink and we made a date. Not long after we sat down for dinner, I asked her to tell me a little about herself. I think the first thing she said was she didn’t want anymore children. She had 3 grown kids and 2 of them were a pain by always asking for a loan and never repaying her a dime of it back.
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Think @Mggs11 looking for you.
 
After I got divorced 25 years ago, I didn't even date for several years. Apparently, it's the same for my ex. Marriage is a very low priority for both of us. I've often wondered if I've soured on the idea, but I can't say that for sure. It seems odd that my ex is the same way. Makes me wonder what we might have done to each other to wreck what seems to be a life long goal for so many others.
 
I remember long ago reading that a study showed the happiest people were single women and married men.

ROFL! So true!!

And I say that even though I'm married to my best friend and we have great times together. But absolutely, life would be simpler without him.
 
Under ideal circumstances I would like to have a partner but at this age there are not many choices out there. I still have my preferences of what I like in a partner and I've looked at what's out there and I say no thanks to what I have seen and what they have been like.

A good best friend, be it male or female would be nice. I have several friends but don't know how much I can rely on them. I am still looking for good friends in my area.

I rely on services to get by with most things.
 
Ruthanne said:
Under ideal circumstances I would like to have a partner but at this age there are not many choices out there. I still have my preferences of what I like in a partner and I've looked at what's out there and I say no thanks to what I have seen and what they have been like.

A good best friend, be it male or female would be nice. I have several friends but don't know how much I can rely on them. I am still looking for good friends in my area.

I rely on services to get by with most things.
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Our best family friend was someone that my husband and I both went to high school with, I had known him from second grade. He was there helping, doing anything we needed when my husband was sick. He was just as good a friend to me when my husband died. There we never any romantic feelings, I called him my BIL. He died from a sudden heart attack in April of 2020. I am here alone but I know those 2 are together, having a great time, and both are keeping a watch, leading me the best way through this new stage of life on earth without them. I really do not have any friends, I know many people but none of them know me, grew up with me. I just have a hard time relating to new people.
 
Blessed said:
Our best family friend was someone that my husband and I both went to high school with, I had known him from second grade. He was there helping, doing anything we needed when my husband was sick. He was just as good a friend to me when my husband died. There we never any romantic feelings, I called him my BIL. He died from a sudden heart attack in April of 2020. I am here alone but I know those 2 are together, having a great time, and both are keeping a watch, leading me the best way through this new stage of life on earth without them. I really do not have any friends, I know many people but none of them know me, grew up with me. I just have a hard time relating to new people.
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I think it's hard for many of us to relate to new folks offline. For me there are trust issues. It's hard to know who to trust now a days with scammers about. I chat with a few people on Facebook. I prefer to take it slow to get to know someone. That puts some off to me. That's ok though because often those who would be put off don't have real good intentions or want the things I want.

I don't have my hopes up but maybe some day some good soul will surprise me.
 
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