Who is "The Perfect Person For You"?

Jeannine said:
Thanks Shalimar, people keep telling me I will get over this and start a new life. I laugh at the idea.I don't want a new life, I want my old one back. I am grieving I know that and when he finally goes I will still be grieving but I have truly fantastic memories. We had a bond that doesn't come around very often how could I replace it. I know 4 women in my position and all 4 have new men in their life..I just don't get it, but I draw comfort from what we had and that seems to carry me through.
Click to expand...
Do we really get over the deeply felt portions of our lives, or learn to make peace with them?
 

A good test would be to jokingly suggest a game to play together. Off the top of your head and pencil to paper name the first one hundred books you've read that come to mind. It would be a fun all evening discussion...a like minded person would enjoy it too plus have the Danish ready for the following morning:love_heart:
 
My first wife and I were a great match and were married 32 years when she died. My second wife and I were a 95% match and were married 23years when divorced.
 

There is no way to know if a person is right for you without meeting them, spending time with them and learning about them through actual life experiences.

Online dating sites are really just ways of meeting people you would never meet in your normal day to day activities. In that respect they are good since we often don't know who we don't know.

I once heard marriage counselor recommend to a couple who was worried if they were a good match to "Take a six week road trip, with no fixed plans and stops. If it works out well and you are still friends and lovers after it is over, you are probably a very good match."
 
Jeannine said:
I don't agree, some folks never get used to it, they may go through the motions but they never accept it.
Click to expand...

Well, when I say get used to it, I mean there is a point when we are no longer grieving. I didn't say I like it, but since I cannot change it, I must accept it. It doesn't mean I still don't have moments of sadness or even cry over a thought, picture or memory. Working through grief is one of the most difficult things I have had to do, but I have gotten past it. It does take time.
 
I tend to grieve hard. It takes me years to make my peace with loss. I just learn not to live from there, most of the time. I will always be walking wounded to some extent. Some holes are just too deep to heal properly.
 
Shalimar said:
I tend to grieve hard. It takes me years to make my peace with loss. I just learn not to live from there, most of the time. I will always be walking wounded to some extent. Some holes are just too deep to heal properly.
Click to expand...

It does become a part of who we are. Everyone grieves differently, and it has taken me years! After about five and a half years my emotions leveled out and I felt I was no longer grieving. In less than two weeks, it will be eight years. I still think of him every day but more of the good memories and I am always grateful for the time we shared together.
 
Carla said:
It does become a part of who we are. Everyone grieves differently, and it has taken me years! After about five and a half years my emotions leveled out and I felt I was no longer grieving. In less than two weeks, it will be eight years. I still think of him every day but more of the good memories and I am always grateful for the time we shared together.
Click to expand...
Beautifully put. May I have your permission to copy your post and share it with my clients in the grief group?
 
My wife and I have been married for 57 years. I tell her that the statistics require that she outlive me, she retorts that I am healthier and therefor I will be the survivor.

The matchmakers would probably reject me as overage at 82.
 
I am very envious of you folks who have been happily married for so many years. You are to be congratulated, both of you.
 
My perfect person would be refined and withdrawn in company, and a courtisan when we were alone.

I came close, if only she had got it the right way round!
 
Doesn't the "perfect person" effect last about 18 mos., and then you're deeply in love (if your spouse can read this). OR you're ( I don't want to use the word stuck but.....) not awed anymore by your spouse.

That was the question in the start of the thread.

The 18 months went straight to having a spouse and the kind of relationship that developes. Since in a relationship it takes two to make it work, a mature person understands that perfection is not possible forever. Rather than perfection adapting to the differances in a relationship either works or it doesn't.

But for grins and giggles one of those online Perfect Persons.

A female built like Lonnie Anderson in her prime, drinks beer, keeps her opinions to her self, has her own source of income and spends it on me, cooks, cleans, and sleeps naked. Last but important leaves at the end of a month and is replaced by another Perfect Person.


BTW I did find my soul mate or perfect person 56 years ago and were still discovering each other.
 
Haha. Yesterday morning Wes and I were making the bed and I said "Too bad we didn`t meet earlier in life. We could have had more time together." He cracked up. (We were 15 & 17 when we met). Then last night we got in bed and he was snuggling me because it was freezing,and he started chuckling. I asked "What`s so funny?" He said "Wish we had met earlier in life"-that`s so funny. We probably would have ended up with at least 6 kids instead of 4 LOL."
 
I doubt if I will ever get over my loss, John and I had been together since children and married at 16,it is impossible even to get through a day even an hour without grieving, after going on 58 years we were no longer 2 people, so it feels like half my body has been ripped from me I only need to stick around till his alzeimers finally takes his body, it already has John and his mind , when that happens my job is done, I prayed to be able to stay around till he was gone then with Gods grace I will be able to join him shortly thereafter. That is my hope.
 
Integrity, honesty, compassion. Kindness and lovingness. Must have a sense of humor and love animals too.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top