Why do bad things happen to good people?

I am coming to terms with this illness. Like those wh🎵o have to deal with pain all over the world, and on the SF. I hope I am getting past the "shock" stage. The rainy cold weather has notched things up a bit. I find that staying active is a key to managing pain. I got my Covid booster on Saturday morning. THAT was an experience. It was a drive thru. I got there 3 minutes after it opened and there were already about 100 cars winding through the parking lot. It took about 45 minutes to get to the station, and 10minutes to get the shot. It WAS the last Saturday of their Covid supply for now.

I found an interesting YouTube channel. It is called "The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows"

"Description : A compendium of invented words written by John Koenig, that aims to fill holes in the language—to give a name to emotions we all feel but don't have a word for. The author's mission is to capture the aches, demons, vibes, joys and urges that roam the wilderness of the psychological interior. Each sorrow is bagged, tagged and tranquilized, then released gently back into the subconscious."

https://www.youtube.com/c/obscuresorrows/featured

An example short video...

On a much lighter and more upbeat note...it's Halloween! Finally! :) Have a joy filled day. "Let the sun shine through" 🎶🎼 🥘🎃
 

Good for you for not wanting to host a pity party Paco! There are plenty more topics on here besides those of happiness and joy. In fact, I've noticed that the ones not about those things usually get more replies than the feel good ones. I hope you find solutions that will help ease your pain. I don't know if you believe in prayer but unless you tell me not to, I will pray for you. The other option would be to send up positive vibes. :) I will be interested in reading whatever you care to write about my friend.
 
Yesterday was tough. The pinched nerve was acting up...painful for most of the day. I started using Capzasin on it and it helps. I got an unexpected call from the Orthopedic Center. The referral from the neurologist to examine the MRI is already scheduled for tomorrow morning!! I am looking forward to what they have to say. Misa can go with me ( not working ) so there are two minds there...well 1 and 1/2. She is still cogent. :)

I love November. For me it is a time to relax, and enjoy what ever you like., with moderation. We can see the forest now, not just the trees. I start thinking in broader ways. It also is packed with celebrations for me. My daughter, Tamara, will turn 47 Nov. 27th. My son, Nathan, will turn 45, on Nov. 21st, with Thanksgiving falling in there somewhere. :)
 

I love how you are focusing on things other than your pain. So this is your month to enjoy celebrations. I'm glad you're finding something that helps Paco. Have you tried meditation? I wonder if that would benefit at all....also wondering if acupuncture helps in situations like yours. :unsure: I know you'll keep us posted about your MRI results. Glad you didn't have to wait long at all. And to answer the question in the subject matter of this post...I've been asking the same question for years.
 
The doctor does not think I need surgery but does see how the nerves in my neck are causing pain. I won't get technical about that stuff. He referred me to start Physical therapy. They already called and I will schedule that this morning. I am having quite a bit of pain and not sleeping well, but I am coming to terms with this. So many other people are suffering far worse things than I am. So I am determined to stay positive and then if I need a break, take it and rest. Thanks for all the helpful posts. They do mean a lot to me. I also wondered if talking out loud as if I was talking to a friend might be helpful. So I will be trying that today if needed....another tool in the toolbox. :)
I called my daughter yesterday out of the blue. I had such a clear image of her that I wanted to contact her. We haven't talked on the phone for almost 5 years. I debated for awhile whether to tell my children about this illness, but most everyone I asked said yes you should keep your grown children informed. It is another change in life when you tell your children you have problems with your health. I didn't want her to be too concerned. She has a full plate as it is. But it seems like it is the best thing to do. Not telling her ( and my son ) seemed like I felt more distant from them. She will call at 10 this morning. :)
 
It was more than interesting talking with Tamara. She was concerned about my illness and we talked about that for awhile, and then the bombshell/s. I haven't talked or had any exchange from my son in about 10 years. Tamara told me that is when he had a bad accident that injured his back severely. He couldn't work, or do other regular stuff. Within 6 months of his injury his wife left him and divorced him. She had sent me a holiday picture of him at a get together and he looked downtrodden and not like I had ever seen him before. Now I know why. What a mess, and a delicate situation for me to reenter his life now. I am going to let this develop without pushing any contact. I care for him so much....Then she tells me that my x-wife ( their mother ) who remarried for the 3rd time a few years ago is divorced again and alone on a big farm. The guy just left. So my thoughts about how they all were doing was refreshed into a whole different world. I feel like opening up to my daughter and hopefully my son will open some new doors. I am a little insecure about reentering their lives, but their kids are almost raised now, and so much has changed. Tamara might want my grandkids to talk with me. We have a tentative time to call...the weekend of the 13th.
I just made an appointment to see a specialist for my ears and sinuses ( ENT ). It will January 6th!!!!! She said call my primary, neurologist, or go to the hospital if my pain gets too bad. OK. I don't have very much confidence that this ordeal will be "fixed" any time soon. That is ok with me now. I think I have the tools to ride this out.
Isn't it such a mystery that we have had whole phases of our lives that we almost were a different person. This latter stage is just as challenging and interesting. :)
 
I was wondering if there were new mental tools to apply to my current life style change. I found an interesting article that resonated with me.

"to adopt a new lifestyle change; there are three levels to approach it: one more superficial level that is defined by the outcome that we want to attain, like losing weight, becoming more physically active, or dealing better with emotions. A deeper level involves focusing on the process of achieving that change, like joining a fitness class, adopting a new way of eating or starting a meditation practice. Finally, the deepest level is to change our identity, related to what we want to accomplish. "

When we want to change things in life that are difficult, like living with heavy emotional patterns, a new life situation like a divorce, or the loss of someone we care about, it requires a significant amount of self-reflection about the person we want to become. Once you define the belief you want to adopt, you go back to the question: Am I acting in a way that relates to that belief? Who is the type of person that achieves the outcome I want?

I feel that his approach of paying attention right at the point of contact with life about how our beliefs shape our actions is a way of meditation: A deep observation of life. It goes beyond thinking about how it feels in your body and your gut/heart. Identity-based changes require determination, work, and an environment of silence and nonreactivity.

I feel that true lifestyle change is identity change: if you want something to stick with you, it must be part of who you are. This principle is powerful as it applies to everything: you’re eating, your physical activity, your relationships …everything."

https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog...racing-a-lifestyle-change-in-a-different-way/

We use many ways to adapt to life's changes. I will be experimenting with "seeing" myself as I want to "be". Then playing the part. We are all but actors on a stage. :)
 
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Paco Dennis said:
In the past 6 months I have developed nerve damage that has changed my life around. It developed slowly and now I am confined to a comfort chair. I can exercise for about 1/2 an hour before the pain and fatigue get me to sit down again.

Before this happened I was active. I worked around the farm. I enjoyed friends and family visits. I listened and created music. My life was going ok. Now, all that has come to "pause"...I hope. My disease is usually not curable. One needs to learn how to manage physical and mental/emotional suffering. There are many helpful methods ( many are discussed on this forum ).

If people are interested in my journey, I will be posting to this diary when the spirit moves me. I do not desire any SORROW from others about this. I know that millions of people face suffering all over the world everyday. So this is an account of my life and thoughts that begins in my 70th decade journey.

I decided to start this diary because I have been part of this online community for about 7 months and have enjoyed the people and variety of interests and the variety of views shared openly. I don't like being "self" interested but because of the onset of this illness I have become very self involved.

It is difficult to get beyond the almost constant pain but that is what needs to be done, and it can be. I now have Zoom meetings with others that have "Peripheral Neuropathy." There are about 8 percent of seniors who suffer from this illness. (Misa just said that there was a shooting in Columbia and 3 people were injured. So pain visited them and there friends and family.) Suffering is with us in some ways each day.

I have hesitated to start this diary because this forum seems to emphasize happiness and joy about life. We are encouraged to keep things light hearted. I am needing to express this journey that has changed my ability to enjoy life like I once did. This illness could pass or they might eventually find some cure, but for now this is what it is.

I do want you to post your thoughts/feelings when the spirit moves you. Life is filled with complex issues, and I hear of "management techniques" daily to help keep us going. We post about these issues too here in different form. Different things work for some people but they don't for others.

We all have to find our own way to thrive. I am having a tendency to withdraw into myself and I don't not think that is the best way to go. So I am hoping that this diary will keep me open to telling what is happening in my world on our farm.
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Paco,

My friend and next door neighbor suffers from peripheral neuropathy. It has transformed him from a big, athletic guy to a different person. He gets around with a cane but it is not the same.

I have no medical advice to give. Keep talking, keep posting, stay as mentally active as you can, and keep fighting the problem.

One suggestion -- I don't know if you are a game player -- but I enjoy online bridge and chess. There are classes and lessons for all levels.

Good luck and we will continue the conversation.

JimBob
 
Paco Dennis said:
I debated for awhile whether to tell my children about this illness, but most everyone I asked said yes you should keep your grown children informed. It is another change in life when you tell your children you have problems with your health.
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My dad had lung cancer and I didn't know. The doctor told me when my dad was in the hospital dying of blood poisoning due to another ongoing health issue (one that most of the people on his side of the family suffer from, including me). I was shocked. And then on top of that, I had to make the decision to end his life. It was a truly awful time. When I got home, the first thing I did was ask my children if they would want to know about any eventual health problems I might have. They said yes. I also told them that when the time comes, if they have to make the decision to pull the plug, just do it and don't ever feel bad about it.

I know why my dad didn't tell me about the cancer. He thought he was protecting me. I was angry about that for a long time. I would think to myself that if had known, I could have spent more time with him. And then I would feel angry with myself and guilty because why should I need a health crisis to spend time with my father? He raised me. He was my only parent. He was a great guy and I loved him a lot. I dealt with so many messy emotions after he passed. It took me a long time to work through them. I'd never want that for my children. There are opportunities for knowledge and growth everywhere. Sadly, some of them aren't always pleasant.
 
We are going to talk again this Sunday. :) I am starting to realize that PN is going to be with me for awhile. Also I am finding out how flexible I have to be to let new things happen. If I stay to nervous about change it actually produces a lot of stress. I think I have the schedule that will make my day, but then stuff doesn't go the way I thought it would, then it is time to change plans.
 
I read through the diaries and enjoyed each person's posts. I am trying to stay awake after only geetting a few hours sleep last night. If I nap in the afternoon for 1 or 2 hours, when I awake the pain level is about 9. It is horrible, and I it lasts along time. So today I am staying awake by writing here.
I was thinking about my 35 years as a housecleaner. I was a musician, and carpenter/cabinet maker, and learned to houseclean from a friend. I first charged by the hour, and quickly learned to bid the house by a single price. I do my thing, if you like it, good. I made very good money at some jobs, and some I didn't. The best part about cleaning houses is how different each house is. The neighborhood, the houses layout, the designs and paintings and furniture all told a story of these people. I enjoyed getting to know them through their "possessions", and then talking to them personally. I never pried into anyone's private stuff. I never stole a penny. I did eat some goodies out of the frig, or on the kitchen table. :) I worked for Dr.'s and lawyers. For loads of those with both people working and I worked for very poor people, often for free. It was a very good exercise also. I treated my activity of motions as a way of exercising. Of course there are many positions you can be in to exercise while doing all the sweeping, dusting, scrubbing, polishing, and vacuuming. I was eating well at he monastery and had very good exercise. And then I got old. :)
 
Paco Dennis said:
I read through the diaries and enjoyed each person's posts. I am trying to stay awake after only geetting a few hours sleep last night. If I nap in the afternoon for 1 or 2 hours, when I awake the pain level is about 9. It is horrible, and I it lasts along time. So today I am staying awake by writing here.
I was thinking about my 35 years as a housecleaner. I was a musician, and carpenter/cabinet maker, and learned to houseclean from a friend. I first charged by the hour, and quickly learned to bid the house by a single price. I do my thing, if you like it, good. I made very good money at some jobs, and some I didn't. The best part about cleaning houses is how different each house is. The neighborhood, the houses layout, the designs and paintings and furniture all told a story of these people. I enjoyed getting to know them through their "possessions", and then talking to them personally. I never pried into anyone's private stuff. I never stole a penny. I did eat some goodies out of the frig, or on the kitchen table. :) I worked for Dr.'s and lawyers. For loads of those with both people working and I worked for very poor people, often for free. It was a very good exercise also. I treated my activity of motions as a way of exercising. Of course there are many positions you can be in to exercise while doing all the sweeping, dusting, scrubbing, polishing, and vacuuming. I was eating well at he monastery and had very good exercise. And then I got old. :)
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Interesting Paco. I didn't know you were a household engineer! Gosh, I wish I could have you to help me clean/organize.

Yes, it does feel more painful after we sleep for awhile. Mornings are so difficult. I hope you can get a full night sleep and only have bad pain once.
 
I would of loved cleaning your house @RadishRose! :) I didn't know you had pain while you slept....sorry. I have been using a Capzasin patch that works for 8 hours. It helps. Last night I slept a little better. I will stay up today again...those naps are too much. The weather here is nuts! It dropped 40 degrees in one day! It is going to 19F tonight. We are ready for it. Vehicles, and wood...that is enough to get us through what looks like a pretty tough winter.
I have WNA ( Western Neuropathy Association ) Zoom support group today at 1pm. I will be asking some questions today that I hope will help me find more tools to manage this. I have had many injuries, illnesses, operations, that I have been able to get through. This one is different. I am hoping the constant nerve pain in my neck will get better, but I am not sure it will. There is no cure for this, and we are working to get this classified as a disability. There was a 22 year old that could barely feel his feet and he has to drive to work. This serious pain and debilitation for many people.
 
Paco Dennis said:
I would of loved cleaning your house @RadishRose! :) I didn't know you had pain while you slept....sorry. I have been using a Capzasin patch that works for 8 hours. It helps. Last night I slept a little better. I will stay up today again...those naps are too much. The weather here is nuts! It dropped 40 degrees in one day! It is going to 19F tonight. We are ready for it. Vehicles, and wood...that is enough to get us through what looks like a pretty tough winter.
I have WNA ( Western Neuropathy Association ) Zoom support group today at 1pm. I will be asking some questions today that I hope will help me find more tools to manage this. I have had many injuries, illnesses, operations, that I have been able to get through. This one is different. I am hoping the constant nerve pain in my neck will get better, but I am not sure it will. There is no cure for this, and we are working to get this classified as a disability. There was a 22 year old that could barely feel his feet and he has to drive to work. This serious pain and debilitation for many people.
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I don't have pain while asleep...it's getting up that's painful. I have some arthritis, but you have a nerve condition. I'm so sorry. I hope your zoom meeting is productive.

Your weather is crazy! 40 degree drop in one day, wow. You sound prepared for it, tho'.

Feel better, my friend.
 
I talked to my Tamara, Arthur, and Elliot all at once this morning. They all picked up when I called!:) What a surprise. We talked for about an hour, and now we are going to exchange email addresses. Connecting with voice is really more intimate. The boys new some interesting historical "facts" that surprised me. They must have good teachers. Arthur really likes his piano teacher. He has been playing for about 9 years...he is going to be 16 this Dec.. He gave a performance at his church with full attendance. WOW! He said he is learning some Jazz, and Beatle tunes ( Tamara's favorite group ). He will concentrate his time on School work, piano, and cross country this year he said. He seems like a very engaged dude. :) Elliot is a little blast to talk to. He was Harry Potter the WIZARD for Halloween. He loves reading, especially fantasy adventures. He loves all kinds of sports. He got his tooth knocked out playing football. His Dad was a very good fullback. So me thinks his Dad, though keeping them very safe, keeps his children active. I don't think they are any mass media sites...I will have to ask. Another small step for man, and a giant leap for Paco. :)
 
My son Nathan replied to my text!! We are back communicating also. I couldn't be happier. He is a guitar player. I gave him lessons for about 6 months, and he just took off. He reminds me a bit of George Harrison's style. He does what fits just right for the song. Here is a new song with his band on Spotify...

I have referral for physical therapy. I called and they told me I had to Fax them the order...physically or bring it to their office. ( 40 miles round trip ). I tried an online fax service through my Proton mail account. It cost $2.I sure hope it works. :) ( It did and made an appointment for Dec. 6th.)

I also slept 6 hours straight last night, even though the day was kinda rough. I can't figure this PN out. I have to go with the flow.
 
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I had the EMG study Tuesday. It took about an hour for them to shock a bunch of nerves ( It was OK ), and then the Dr. came in and did some more testing. He then proceeded to tell Misa, not me what he thought was going on. He barely listened to what I was saying and skipped my main concerns to lecture us on what he thought was happening. The information was not unexpected. We knew that my neck nerve being pinched WAS Not causing the numbness in my hands, but that is what he wanted to talk about. Then he offered more Gabapentin, of which I declined. I have heard many a PN patient report that heir visit to the neurologist was/is unsatisfactory. They said you have to shop around until you find dr.'s that really get involved with listening to you. Most just follow some protocol that fits a tidy diagnosis and plan. This is becoming an increasing problem as Dr.'s become scarce and the patient population grows.
 
Paco Dennis said:
I had the EMG study Tuesday. It took about an hour for them to shock a bunch of nerves ( It was OK ), and then the Dr. came in and did some more testing. He then proceeded to tell Misa, not me what he thought was going on. He barely listened to what I was saying and skipped my main concerns to lecture us on what he thought was happening. The information was not unexpected. We knew that my neck nerve being pinched WAS Not causing the numbness in my hands, but that is what he wanted to talk about. Then he offered more Gabapentin, of which I declined. I have heard many a PN patient report that heir visit to the neurologist was/is unsatisfactory. They said you have to shop around until you find dr.'s that really get involved with listening to you. Most just follow some protocol that fits a tidy diagnosis and plan. This is becoming an increasing problem as Dr.'s become scarce and the patient population grows.
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@Paco Dennis
It bothers me that your doctor spoke directly to Misa, rather than to you .. the one with the pain. Some
doctors need to learn to listen better!
 
I have a Neurologist appointment in a week. We will go over the information from the MRI, x-rays, and EMG. I am looking forward to what she thinks is going on. I bought a neti-pot this morning to help with my sinus/ear pain. I am sleeping about 5 hours a night with pretty high pan until I take some meds. It is not easy feeling chipper when my body is hurting. I try not to lose the opportunity when something interesting blows my way though. Life is such a complex mixture of emotions, fragrances, colors, that I don't want to settle into a groove that gets worn to deep to get out of. There are a multitude of different viewpoints about what our world is like, and each of them valid to the beholder.
 


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