Why do some people find pleasure in hurting other people's feelings?

Lara said:
Why do some people find pleasure in hurting other people's feelings?

Some attention seekers who have nothing of value to add to a conversation but still want to be part of the conversation, will resort to mindless stuff like gossip, lies, hurtful accusations, or the art of misunderstanding and twisting words to grab everyone's attention. Their rewards are followers of that train wreck. And surprisingly, there are usually followers.
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Another element added to the recipe: Seeking attention. Yes, I can see that happening a lot. And the followers phenomenon too. The followers are usually people having some sort of a "beef" with the "victim" but not having the courage to express it themselves. They find the chance to be the choir in an attack by the attention seeker, to express their accusations, lies etc.
 

WheatenLover said:
Some people are sociopaths. I figure all of them enjoy hurting people's feelings. Some of them focus on other things that give them more bang for the buck, but those things can hurt people's feelings too, even if that wasn't the sociopath's main goal - I'm pretty sure they don't care about hurting people's feelings. It really is no different than squashing a bug to them.

I remember being in the 2nd grade and telling a boy in my class that he looked like a green bean. I remember feeling mortified that I had blurted that out because it probably hurt his feelings. I apologized. I don't remember why I said it. Certainly he wasn't green, but he was skinny. But for years I felt badly about saying that to him.

A long time ago, my best friend was someone who was morbidly obese. She was 5' tall and weighed 330 lbs. She was afraid to go to restaurants because sometimes she couldn't fit into booths, or she ordered diet coke, and some people made loud comments. She had a particular restaurant she loved because they had the best catheads and gravy she'd ever tasted. So I persuaded her to let me go in and see whether she'd fit into the booth. I determined that she would, she bravely trusted me, and she did fit. Meanwhile, I was willing to go head to head with anyone who made nasty comments, and I had the opportunity a few times. Catheads are big biscuits.

After that, we went to more restaurants because for some odd reason I could always tell by looking that she'd fit in a booth.

Why were some people willing to hurt her feelings, in public? Because they were assholes, plain and simple. Why was I willing to confront those people, because they needed confronting. I enjoyed it. I wasn't rude, but I was determined that they understood what they do to people when they say horrible things to them. A couple of them actually apologized to her.
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You have edited your comment, so I will reply again.

I can relate to you when you say that you inadvertently said something that may have hurt someone's feelings. I have a big mouth and many a time I regret saying something the moment I said it. Especially sarcasm for laughs when it can be misconstrued as snarky comments.

I applaud you for the way you treated you friend. Some people do need support from others to overcome their own demons and pains. It was good for her to have you as a friend!
 
CAKCy said:
You have edited your comment, so I will reply again.

I can relate to you when you say that you inadvertently said something that may have hurt someone's feelings. I have a big mouth and many a time I regret saying something the moment I said it. Especially sarcasm for laughs when it can be misconstrued as snarky comments.

I applaud you for the way you treated you friend. Some people do need support from others to overcome their own demons and pains. It was good for her to have you as a friend!
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People often think I am being sarcastic, when I am not. I don't do sarcasm well. I mean what I say. Maybe letting people think I am being sarcastic is preferable.

Or they think I am joking. Like when The Goodwill Games (Ted Turner) had water polo. I was really excited about that. I told the people in the office that I couldn't wait to see how they got the horses in the pool. I was not joking.

I edited my comment because it was clumsily expressed.

My friend was a wonderful person. She became my sister in law when I married her brother (long ago first marriage). I was really fortunate to have her in my life from my early 20s until she died of a massive stroke when I was 30. She was 15 years older than me.
 
WheatenLover said:
People often think I am being sarcastic, when I am not. I don't do sarcasm well. I mean what I say. Maybe letting people think I am being sarcastic is preferable.

Or they think I am joking. Like when The Goodwill Games (Ted Turner) had water polo. I was really excited about that. I told the people in the office that I couldn't wait to see how they got the horses in the pool. I was not joking.

I edited my comment because it was clumsily expressed.

My friend was a wonderful person. She became my sister in law when I married her brother (long ago first marriage). I was really fortunate to have her in my life from my early 20s until she died of a massive stroke when I was 30. She was 15 years older than me.
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To lose a friend like you did is so tragic and I'm so sorry for that. The finality of death is so overwhelming...

I often get misunderstood because of my sarcasm. To the point that I have to keep picking up after myself by saying left and right that I was just kidding. People who know me, know that I'm only kidding and my intentions are NEVER to hurt anybody's feelings. Unfortunately, not everybody knows me...

I have to either cut down on sarcasm or end every sarcastic sentence of mine with j/k...
 
grahamg said:
We may not be sure why this happens but there is an appropriate word for the phenomenon:

schadenfreude

https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=h...2ahUKEwiMocucyvbyAhVOa8AKHTRUA5kQ3eEDegQIAhAK
noun

  1. pleasure derived by someone from another person's misfortune.
    "a business that thrives on schadenfreude"
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If I'm not mistaken schadenfreude refers to misfortunes of others not caused by the one deriving the pleasure. My question was more focused on people causing the pain themselves.
 
mellowyellow said:
I'm wondering who hurt your feelings that prompted you to start this thread? To me, it's an odd topic.
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I assure you, nobody hurt my feelings.

To be honest, I was deeply disturbed yesterday by an incident that happened with someone who was promptly banned. She wrote unkind things while in some sort of rage. I thought I could help her relax, but I didn't have the chance before she was banned.

The topic may be odd to you but it is part of our reality, isn't it? The thread may serve as food for thought for some to ponder their kindness towards others and make a step in the right direction.
 
CAKCy said:
I assure you, nobody hurt my feelings.

To be honest, I was deeply disturbed yesterday by an incident that happened with someone who was promptly banned. She wrote unkind things while in some sort of rage. I thought I could help her relax, but I didn't have the chance before she was banned.

The topic may be odd to you but it is part of our reality, isn't it? The thread may serve as food for thought for some to ponder their kindness towards others and make a step in the right direction.
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How do you know the person who was banned is female?
 
Shero said:
How do you know the person who was banned is female?
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Because in one of her posts she referred to a man who was unjust to her and she said that he acted like he is smarter than women, including herself.

In any case the incident happened and it's now a thing of the past, although that was what prompted my thread after trying to contact her in private and not finding her.
 
CAKCy said:
Because in one of her posts she referred to a man who was unjust to her and she said that he acted like he is smarter than women, including herself.

In any case the incident happened and it's now a thing of the past, although that was what prompted my thread after trying to contact her in private and not finding her.
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That person was incredibly rude, I am glad that person is gone!
 
CAKCy said:
I will ask you to please define "condition". Is it part congenital or is all due to experiences one had after birth?
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Some people are just bent the wrong way. Some can be straightened out and some can't. I'm not very interested in why or how they got that way. I don't believe the human default is basically good, but I do appreciate those who make an effort.
 
Judycat said:
Some people are just bent the wrong way. Some can be straightened out and some can't. I'm not very interested in why or how they got that way. I don't believe the human default is basically good, but I do appreciate those who make an effort.
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Finding out how they got that way may help them straighten out. In my opinion the human default is basically good and then selfishness is introduced and taught.
 

Why do some people find pleasure in hurting other people's feelings?​


It's usually because they don't have the capacity to say anything pleasant, so they get their 'jollies' from insulting people. Ignoring them gets them angry, so does a swift elbow (accidentally on purpose) in the ribs. :)
 
Many reasons, they do not respect themselves so they show little or no respect for others.

Or in one case I know the meanie became that way when she started to go deaf, striking out because she felt imperfect.

Sometimes physical pain can bring on a person causing mental pain for others.

Any number of reasons.
 
Quite a few members of SF have felt the need to insult other members. Thankfully, this forum is well moderated, so it doesn't get out of hand, but if you look at other forums — especially political forums — it's like an insultfest. Not my idea of a good time.

I think part of it is laziness. It's a lot easier to insult someone than to articulate a cogent argument defining and defending your opinion.

It could also be a power trip. Some people get off on having power over others, and that's what they accomplish by bullying someone.
 
You may not see it immediately but rude people who show no respect for others' feelings or situations, usually end up alone with nobody. If you have someone like that in your life, one day you just say that is enough. I had to do that with my own niece. Sad to say, but she finally learned that due to the way she talked and treated her family members she is now alone. I don't usually fight it out with someone, I just stay away from them. Or on a forum if I see one post or comment going that way with others and I am out of there.
 
If you aren't a decent conversationalist, its easy to focus on just slip sliding into making or posting negative comments. Complaining, for instance, can set the stage for a lengthy discussion that can easily turn nasty.

Personally, I try to focus on the positive in order to avoid that kind of useless banter.
But you have to have a positive attitude in order to keep the energy up, even when someone may attack you for no apparent reason.
 
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