Why does it hurt so much when we get ghosted?

One of the times it happened to me, I wasn't silly enough to think that we were BFFs but I thought we were regular friends; but no, we weren't even that; turns out she just thought of me as an acquaintance she could vent to (in an any-port-in-a-storm kind of way).
One-way "friendship" is no friendship at all. Sometimes we're more invested than the other party is, and it just takes time until it becomes apparent. You haven't really lost anything, Rip. True friendship is a two-way street.
 

Ages ago, I watched a video about rejection. Tried to search for it to share with you but couldn't find it. Anyway, the speaker who was an author of a book about rejection said social rejection is processed by the brain like physical pain. That's why it hurts.
 
Ages ago, I watched a video about rejection. Tried to search for it to share with you but couldn't find it. Anyway, the speaker who was an author of a book about rejection said social rejection is processed by the brain like physical pain. That's why it hurts.
I heard the same thing.
 
It's hard to understand the mind of a ghoster. It's best to understand our own mind and have a clear understanding of what love means to ourself as an individual. If it means being nurturing, available, reliable and consistent, we can conclude the ghoster doesn't love us and move on. You never lose by loving. You lose by being addicted to someone who can't love you back, and you should just let them go.
 
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I went through a lot of what they call ghosting when I was young. I just came to understand that people are fickle or have their own stuff going on. Can't remember more than once or twice that I felt bad about it. Now I prefer to not become involved in the drama. These days, I know people who are glad to see me and I them, but we're not in a relationship and that's fine.
 
I was dating a boy in college who suddenly didn't show up for classes, I asked his roommate if he was sick and he said no. After about three days of this I was getting worried and then found out he wanted to break up with me (the relationship wasn't going in the direction he wanted, if you get my drift.) This is a classic example of ghosting and to me it simply means one person is a coward who doesn't want to go through the awkwardness of a break-up.
 
yes it is hurtful being ghosted - {it's happened to me and I felt hurt for sure ]- emotionally and perhaps chemically but we have to just pick ourselves up dust ourselves down and start all over again - it's a part of lifes challenges perhaps - teaches us to be stronger and wiser and more mature - easier to deal with lifes ups and downs? AND in fact I think it demonstrates lack of love and maturity in the ghoster!
 
I don't think I've ever been ghosted or ghosted anyone else. I've ceased contact with people, but I tell them I'm going to do that.

I mean, unless it's maybe someone I've only just started talking to, online, that I find I don't actually want to get to know, for whatever reasons. But I haven't been in that type of situation in years.

I thought ghosted was a term that arose with the internet and hadn't thought of its application in 3D life.
 
i had a narcissist friend who discarded me and pursued a new "victim"
i ghosted her for awhile and she said horrible things about me. it really hurt and i stewed about it for months.
After i read the book "Let Them" by Mel Robbins, i blocked her and my "friends" in that circle, and never looked back.
 
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I don't think I've ever been ghosted or ghosted anyone else. I've ceased contact with people, but I tell them I'm going to do that.

I mean, unless it's maybe someone I've only just started talking to, online, that I find I don't actually want to get to know, for whatever reasons. But I haven't been in that type of situation in years.

I thought ghosted was a term that arose with the internet and hadn't thought of its application in 3D life.
I had used the term "ghosted" in a very different context before the internet...
while in the Army and subsequent work for Defense Contractors, the term was used
to describe assassination.
For a moment I was a bit concerned about this thread before reading it. 😅
 
I had used the term "ghosted" in a very different context before the internet...
while in the Army and subsequent work for Defense Contractors, the term was used
to describe assassination.
I didn't know that, that's interesting. One thing I was aware of, the internet and IT industry thinks they've invented more than a few words or things that they really didn't, lol.
 
I'm assuming ghosting means stopping all communication with no explanation. No one has done that to me, but I have received unexpected harsh words when I didn't realize the other person was that unhappy with me, and (to me) all seemed to be going reasonably well between us.

If something specific has disturbed me with someone, I'll try to communicate it to them in a polite manner. Maybe we can fix it.

On the other hand, if it turns out that we're constantly at odds with each other over just about everything, I would suggest to them that we stop communicating since we have so many differences of opinion. I wouldn't just leave them hanging.
 
My older sister ‘ghosts’ me when we are exchanging texts on Facebook.

We’ll be having a normal conversation and all of the sudden she is gone, no warning, no apology, just gone.

I find it incredibly rude and annoying but have learned to accept it.

I do wonder if it is something that she does to everyone or just something that she does to me.
 
Getting ghosted bothers me enough that I've just about given up trying to make acquaintances (let alone friends). If a chance for a platonic relationship falls in my lap (so to speak), I may pursue it, but I'm done trying to put myself out there and make it happen; I've been burned too many times.

I think the reason that it hurts most of us so much is that we evolved to be extremely social animals, the most social on earth.
Same here. Except for the relationship part.
 
My older sister ‘ghosts’ me when we are exchanging texts on Facebook.

We’ll be having a normal conversation and all of the sudden she is gone, no warning, no apology, just gone.

I find it incredibly rude and annoying but have learned to accept it.

I do wonder if it is something that she does to everyone or just something that she does to me.
Probably everyone Bea. They do it to me too.
 
What does "ghosting" mean??

this is a good explanation from earlier in thread : suddenly ending all communication and avoiding contact with another person without any apparent warning or explanation and ignoring any subsequent attempts to communicate."
 
Why does it hurt so much when we get ghosted? A psychologist explains

When we act, it is likely and appropriate that we would think about how our actions affect others. For example, we think, “What does X think about what I just said?” Still, our thinking about others’ thoughts can also get more complex. We can widen our scope of inquiry by focusing on what someone thinks about the way we feel about someone else (e.g., “What does Y think I feel about X, considering what I just said?” or “What does Y think X feels about me, considering what I just said?”).

These are not necessarily negative or maladaptive thoughts.

Quite to the contrary, these are complex ways of thinking — employed by the most socially skilled among us — to help us develop and maintain social connections. Although important, this way of thinking is not inborn; it is a sophisticated and critical skill we hone over our lifetimes.

As toddlers, we don’t consider our effects on other people. We make demands, cry and throw tantrums in an egocentric way, wanting only to satisfy our own needs and not caring about anyone else. It is only as we learn more about the world, when we develop something called “theory of mind” between the ages of about three to five, that we begin to recognize that other people have thoughts and feelings, and that our actions might affect them. By definition, the theory of mind is an ability to understand that both you and others have mental states and that others’ mental states might be different from your own and even different from what is reality. More here.
These ideas are old, nothing new. Said by philosophers, and psychologists later.
 


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