So, here’s the thing; I love exercise and even have a room dedicated to it (okay, shared with sewing). I have weights, bands, blocks, balls, mats, a treadmill and the Wii fit and I truly love a good workout.
The thing is that I’m so freaked out by the number on the scale right now and so focused on making that number drop, I’m reticent to do any toning or weight training because I’ll build muscle and it will be heavy and that will show on the scale, initially.
I know that over the arc, it will be a benefit, help with fat loss and the scale will reflect that. But I’m so worried about my current weight --- K, so, disclaimer: I have a small eating disorder and maybe a little body dysmorphia. So, see, the scale can be a scary monster for me.
I’ve just recently confronted the thing again and now I’m on it every morning. I don’t mind the number popping up and down a bit throughout the week, but I’m truly worried that gaining muscle right now will cause a stall out or even a temporary increase I won’t be able to handle at this early stage.
So my plan is to focus on walking (treadmill and dog walks), playing on the Wii Fit and yoga/stretch, saving the weight training for deeper into this journey when I might handle it better.
It’s just -- I don’t want to fall into that familiar hole of caring about nothing but that number going down.
I don’t actually know what I’m asking for here. I think I’m just venting. In which case, if you read this, thank you.
**I almost put this in the accountability thread, but that's expressly not for advice and this seems kind of advice-y.