Would anybody want to go into a nursing home now with the virus here?

Ladybj

Senior Member
My friend's husband had a stroke about 3 years ago. She is in her 70s. She fought hard to get help and get him out of hospital. She gets him up , dresses him, makes dinner etc and puts him to bed. She had many nights getting up and changing bed sheets. He is unable to speak or has sometimes said just a few words. She is allowed a care worker for 4 hours a week. Today she said she's just waiting to die and that she has no life and just want's to go to bed to sleep and not wake up but can't because she has to put her husband to bed. Given what most of you have said about nursing homes, do you have an opinion or any advice I can offer her. I would not want to go in a home myself and understand that she does not want her husband to be in a home but she may start to get ill herself and have no option. She has 2 children but they seem occupied with their lives. I guess I'm her listener and have been for a number of years and hopefully when she's talked it out she can carry on for another day. But the situation with her husband will not get better. Would you suggest a nursing home if one was unable to cope with their o/h if help was limited and one was getting ill trying to cope? Of course the virus situation may not give her an option even if one was available:unsure: Hope I didn't go too off piste ☺ oh and I wouldn't go in a nursing home, worked in them when I was a youngster and the lack of stimulation and care for those in the homes, council or private, was certainly not up to my standards and the phrase 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you' skipped them by.
Sounds like one of those Darn if you don't, Darn if you do situations. My prayers are with her and her hubby.
🙏🙏
 

Liberty

Well-known Member
Location
Texas
Usually the caregiver has to get completely exhausted before they finally give in and admit the loved one. Had an friend of a friend that was a little nurse, she was barely 5 ft tall. She managed to care for her large husband for years, then finally had to admit him. She had a bed lift and wheelchairs and somehow managed to do it. Its a very sensitive issue. Sometimes they are just waiting it out till the person dies.

Honestly don't think anyone can tell another what to do in these situations. Just be a good listener and friend like you obviously are, and perhaps point out things to them now and then to perhaps help them focus on the situation. Maybe help them find those "magic minutes" of enjoyment wherever you can.

God bless her and you for being such a good friend. I'd like to shake her kids to wake them up so they would come to help her on a regular basis. After all, they only have one mother and father!
 

Ladybj

Senior Member
Although I am Anti-Nursing homes, I do understand when a love one has no choice. The Healthcare system in the US is....I can't find the words. I feel in my heart, once we get to a certain age, as someone else posted...they will find a bed for the next person.
 

Aunt Bea

SF VIP
Location
Near Mount Pilot
New York just approved guidelines for opening nursing homes to visitors for the first time since mid-March.

Nursing homes and long term care facilities in New York will be allowed to resume limited visitations for facilities that have been without COVID-19 for at least 28 days.

The new policy allows two visitors at a time. Visitors must undergo temperature checks, wear face coverings, and social distance during the visit. At least one of the two visitors must be at least 18 years of age or older.

Only 10 percent of the residents can be allowed visitors at any given time; for example, in a 100-bed facility, no more than 10 residents can have visitors.

IMO the most important part of this new policy is allowing members of the Long-Term Care Ombudsman Program, which provides additional support to residents of nursing homes and long-term care facilities, to resume visits. Ombudsman staff must utilize appropriate PPE for the duration of the visit and must be screened as if they were a staff person of such nursing home, including having to present a verified negative test result to the nursing home within the past week.
 
If it comes down that I am not being able to live in my home safely then I suppose I have no choice to go into a Nursing Home. I do however believe my first option would be living with my daughter and her family, but if it got beyond that then a Nursing Home it would be.
True for most of us, Rita. We all hope for an easier ending, but not everyone gets to have one.
 

win231

Well-known Member
Location
CA
I had a friend that had medical problems and her only son and his wife had no time seeing about her so she kill herself with a gun. She never told anybody she would do it she just did it.
No surprise. She knew what the typical response would be if she told anyone. Those responses always come from people who aren't in that person's shoes - which makes it very easy for them.
 

Phoenix

Senior Member
Location
Oregon, U S
My mom was in a good one. She loved it there. She even fell in love and made a lot of friends. She had been shy her entire life, but she blossomed in that facility. The staff was wonderful to her. As for me, well, I hope it won't need to come to that. If my husband is in need of care I will do it myself as long as I am able.
 

Geezerette

Senior Member
If you are lucky enough to afford it, there are facilities that under one roof or same grounds complexes that range from independent living with meals & a bit ofhousekeeping to assisted living to skilled nursing. I knew personally 2 couples on that situation. In one it was the husband who had to go to nursing, in the other the wife, but they were able to spend as much time as they wanted with their frailer spouse. This was before the virus, and it turned out that one of the facilities had a very high disease and death rate after the virus struck.
 

Phoenix

Senior Member
Location
Oregon, U S
Some of the staff did call the residents inmates where my mom was. I wouldn't go there unless I could not get around on my own and there was no one else to take care of me. Then I'd think about it. Of course at that point I might not have all my mental faculties.
 
I became very withdrawn and depressed after my husband died and was self-medicating with alcohol, talking 24/7 drinking without eating, I really hoped I just wouldn’t wake up.
Consequently, I got very sick and damaged my heart, if you understand cardiac stuff, my ejection fraction was 15%, I was at risk of sudden cardiac death.
I went into a nursing home, it’s a small one with a very caring staff, in fact, I’m still friends with several staff today.
Anyway, I recovered, with nutrition and meds, and left 4 months later... Would I want to do it again, not on your life but there are times when caring for a loved one with dementia becomes an impossible task and it is a “ necessary evil”
 

Phoenix

Senior Member
Location
Oregon, U S
I became very withdrawn and depressed after my husband died and was self-medicating with alcohol, talking 24/7 drinking without eating, I really hoped I just wouldn’t wake up.
Consequently, I got very sick and damaged my heart, if you understand cardiac stuff, my ejection fraction was 15%, I was at risk of sudden cardiac death.
I went into a nursing home, it’s a small one with a very caring staff, in fact, I’m still friends with several staff today.
Anyway, I recovered, with nutrition and meds, and left 4 months later... Would I want to do it again, not on your life but there are times when caring for a loved one with dementia becomes an impossible task and it is a “ necessary evil”
It must have been incapacitating for you. It's understandable that your turned to crutches. You made it through it all, that takes courage and determination. 🥰
 

Jules

Senior Member
Location
N of 49
I don’t want to put the burden on my children in the event DH predeceases me.

no one else to take care of me. Then I'd think about it. Of course at that point I might not have all my mental faculties.
I fear both of these.

If I’m in such bad shape that I need to go to a home, maybe getting Covid-19 there would be ok. Let me go.
 

garyt1957

Member
Well, assisted living is the way to live when living independently becomes impossible. Help when you need it or want it. No one ever intends to end up in a nursing home, but the homes are full of people.
Exactly. I get the "I want to die at home" posts, but if you become incapacitated that's not an option. Unless you plan on committing suicide, which while many will say they'll do, very very few will actually do it. And even if you wanted to, you may not be able. Of course nobody wants to end up in a nursing home , but it's not really our decision.
 

garyt1957

Member
I'm pretty much an anti tax guy but I'd be willing to pay a tax that would guarantee everyone who needed it, a stay in a nursing home that is modern, with great care. I can't believe it would cost that much per person. Hopefully you never need it, but if you did it would be there.
 


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