Would you let family members put you in a home

[Kathy G in MI]

I had to put my Dad into a nursing/assisted living. He had ALZ and it was taking my mother down. One day she got up and he had taken the kitchen table apart and it was in pieces in the dining room! He would drive off and be gone for hours and she would have to call the police. (BTW, she did not tell me what was happening, a neighbor called me, I live 3 hours away). When I went for a visit Dad wanted to take a walk, Mom said sometimes he walks in the neighborhood. Well, he walked up onto the highway and fell, a good Samaritan and a nurse stopped and brought him home (he told them). Within 2 weeks I had found him a home to go to only 1 1/2 miles from the house. It was a sad day, but had to be done. One day while visiting he said, "I saw this coming". It broke my heart, but I never regretted my decision.

 

[NancyNGA]

Would you let family members put you in a home.

Not only would I let them, I'd insist on it. That's why I will put something in writing now, while I'm still thinking straight.

 

[nonirose]

I was my mom's caregiver for eight years. I also worked full time, was married, had underage children....I became ill myself. I hired people to come in and had to fork out-of-pocket most the time. My schedule was 5 am bathing her, work by 8 am, lunch and give meds, back to work and then the rest of the time with her. My ex husband was good with her as well as my teenage children but our relationships were suffering. Her last two years I had to put her in a facility and I was there daily with her in between work. The guilt was horrendous but she was bedridden, went blind, was on dialysis, and developed dementia.

My youngest daughter who is now turning 30 this year, wants to care for me and is selling her home to move to Oregon. Her husband is for it and wants to build a "Noni's quarters" to give me space but I be close. However, I chose Oregon to transfer to because of their physician assisted suicide law. I know that is controversial to some but for me with my health issues and what I've seen my mom, dad and others go through, I refuse to do that to my kids when the time comes.

 

[Josiah]

I was my mom's caregiver for eight years. I also worked full time, was married, had underage children....I became ill myself. I hired people to come in and had to fork out-of-pocket most the time. My schedule was 5 am bathing her, work by 8 am, lunch and give meds, back to work and then the rest of the time with her. My ex husband was good with her as well as my teenage children but our relationships were suffering. Her last two years I had to put her in a facility and I was there daily with her in between work. The guilt was horrendous but she was bedridden, went blind, was on dialysis, and developed dementia.

My youngest daughter who is now turning 30 this year, wants to care for me and is selling her home to move to Oregon. Her husband is for it and wants to build a "Noni's quarters" to give me space but I be close. However, I chose Oregon to transfer to because of their physician assisted suicide law. I know that is controversial to some but for me with my health issues and what I've seen my mom, dad and others go through, I refuse to do that to my kids when the time comes.

Physician Assisted Suicide isn't controversial on this forum. Several threads have dealt with the subject and if agreement (in favor) wasn't total it was very near total.
I think retiring in Oregon is a very farsighted decision.

 

[Josiah]

Not only would I let them, I'd insist on it. That's why I will put something in writing now, while I'm still thinking straight.

My sentiments exactly.

 

[Skyking]

Couple of thoughts for an aging thread...
1. I saw this a lot, but you don't know how she treated those kids for the past 60 years. Karma has a habit of coming around and paying back what is owed and what is sowed. She looks pathetic now but when she was younger she may have been hell to live with.
2. She may be hell to live with now.
3. If she's 88 then the kids are probably in their 60's. How many kids can lift Mom in and out of the tub or shower? Not all mothers are small (no choice option).
4. Maybe she really needs that Nursing Home and the care they can provide. (good choice option)
5. God bless the Child who has his own ( $$$ money that is and then Mom can go where she wants).
6. But the ultimate best way to avoid the 'Home' is to raise your kids with as much love as possible. Raise them as the Bible instructs and then give your worries to the Lord. He'll take care of the rest.