Would you make a joke to someone about someone's physical characteristic?

debodun

debodun

SF VIP
Location
way upstate in New York, USA
At the weekday Bible study this week, the pastor felt he had to mention that if someone "different" comes to a service, nobody should call them out on it. He's trying to get a woman that is well over 6 feet tall to come to the service and she is very self-conscious about her height. No comments like "How's the weather up there?" or "Could you get in the doorway without having to bend over?" I was surprised he even had to mention it. You'd think he saw the congregation as a bunch of kindergartners.
 

debodun said:
At the weekday Bible study this week, the pastor felt he had to mention that if someone "different" comes to a service, nobody should call them out on it. He's trying to get a woman that is well over 6 feet tall to come to the service and she is very self-conscious about her height. No comments like "How's the weather up there?" or "Could you get in the doorway without having to bend over?" I was surprised he even had to mention it. You'd think he saw the congregation as a bunch of kindergartners.
Click to expand...
I'd look for a different congregation, with a pastor who treats his parishioners with some respect, not like ignorant children.
 
I'm not surprised at all that he had to remind people to be polite, frankly. People are judgemental, and while an individual person might think "Oh I wouldn't say that, how rude" not everyone is like that. He clearly knows his study group and must feel such comments would happen, if he has to remind people. Again, he can't take anyone aside to say this, because it would be deemed personal and confrontational, so he had to make it a blanket reminder to everyone.
 
There are two quotes about things we say that I use as two of the general rules of life.
One is the one our mothers always taught us as children: If you can't say something nice about someone, don't say anything at all.
The other is: "It is better to remain silent and thought a fool than to speak and prove it". This quote has been attributed to both Mark Twain and Abraham Lincoln.
They have served me well all my life.
 
Last edited:
debodun said:
At the weekday Bible study this week, the pastor felt he had to mention that if someone "different" comes to a service, nobody should call them out on it. He's trying to get a woman that is well over 6 feet tall to come to the service and she is very self-conscious about her height. No comments like "How's the weather up there?" or "Could you get in the doorway without having to bend over?" I was surprised he even had to mention it. You'd think he saw the congregation as a bunch of kindergartners.
Click to expand...
Geez, even little kids should know better than that. I guess too many people were simply not taught anything!!
 
I think in these days, anyone that wants to attend church should not be driven away by comments, even if the person they are coming from may think it amusing.

It may also be a shock value thing. People are so used to seeing others in what they consider "normal" parameters, that anyone outside of their comfort zone may elicit an offhand comment.
 
I think that if someone has an unusual physical feature, s/he should figure out a retort. For instance, if someone commented about my unusual height, I might say something true. "I have felt self-conscious about this all my life."

That would put the ones who think it is funny in their place. Believe me, they would feel chastised. Except for the ones who think the tall or short one was "too sensitive", and that would show everyone that those commenters are d*cks, through and through.

No one has ever made a comment about my hair. Not when I was bald, not when it was sticking straight up, and not now that it looks like a frizzy halo unless I use a product. And not when I use a product and it looks stupid but at least lays down.

And why is that? Maybe because I comment first, when meeting someone new -- usually a humorous quip. I figure my hair could be the elephant in the room, especially in small group settings consisting mostly of normal-haired people. I can't wait until my hair gets long enough to go back to normal.
 
WheatenLover said:
I think that if someone has an unusual physical feature, s/he should figure out a retort. For instance, if someone commented about my unusual height, I might say something true. "I have felt self-conscious about this all my life."

That would put the ones who think it is funny in their place. Believe me, they would feel chastised. Except for the ones who think the tall or short one was "too sensitive", and that would show everyone that those commenters are d*cks, through and through.

No one has ever made a comment about my hair. Not when I was bald, not when it was sticking straight up, and not now that it looks like a frizzy halo unless I use a product. And not when I use a product and it looks stupid but at least lays down.

And why is that? Maybe because I comment first, when meeting someone new -- usually a humorous quip. I figure my hair could be the elephant in the room, especially in small group settings.
Click to expand...
I heard a good retort for a weight-related comment:
"I may be fat, but you're ugly & I can diet."
 
Sometimes the person him/herself starts it. In the church I used to attend, there was a woman who was undergoing chemo and had lost her hair. She was always self-deprecating about it. One day I said to her, "At least you don't have to worry about having a bad hair day." She laughed and never said anything about her hair again. She passed away about 6 months after that.
 
debodun said:
Sometimes the person him/herself starts it. In the church I used to attend, there was a woman who was undergoing chemo and had lost her hair. She was always self-deprecating about it. One day I said to her, "At least you don't have to worry about having a bad hair day." She laughed and never said anything about her hair again. She passed away about 6 months after that.
Click to expand...
Gosh, I bet you feel awful now :(
 
I was reminded of a co-worker's insensitivity years ago.
She just got hired & I was told the train her. While we were working in the warehouse shipping area, another male employee walked by. He had some sort of hormonal problem that gave him some feminine physical features, but you could tell he was male.
The new co-worker asked me (in a voice loud enough for the guy to hear) "Is that a man or woman?" I could tell she meant for him to hear her because she timed it just as he walked by, close to us.
I replied, "Why don't you ask him?"
She got my message - & got very angry at me.
 
IMO it says something about the pastor.

He has obviously given some thought to the fact that this woman is different instead of openly welcoming her without hesitation or reservation.

Adults should be responsible for their own behavior without having someone else setting the standard or imposing their views on them.

It reminds me of people who are somehow embarrassed by the actions of a parent or spouse.

Another adult’s behavior is no reflection on me.
 
I'm 6 ft tall, and my ex was also 6 ft. She had this thing about her height. She claimed guys wouldn't date her, etc. I never put that much stock into it. Until we were in the supermarket, and somehow, we got on the subject of her height and men's reactions to it. She said see that guy in line to check out, I can get him to move to another line. I said, "prove it". We got in line behind the guy, Her back was to his back, and she never even looked at him. She was talking to me in a low voice. He put his stuff on the conveyor belt. Then he grabbed all his stuff, and went to the back of another line. I couldn't believe it that guys would be that sensitive to a tall woman. We are all more fragile than we think we are.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top