Wow what a change

C

Cornfused

New Member
Hi, I am hoping someone has some words of wisdom or advice for me. For the last 6 years I took care of my father, he was crippled and blind but still cognizant. During this time I rarely left the house lost contact with friends, and essentially did nothing social.

Now my father has gone home to my mother (that's how I like to think of it) and I am quite suddenly jobless, friendless, and frankly shocked at the prices of housing and even gas.
Yep I was that oblivious, certainly over the last 2 years we had everything delivered and I almost never went outside, and of course I didn't plan for this moment and now I am 60 years old, not a popular age with employers I'm finding.

So any advice that could help me transition, get back to normal life (haha) and just meet some people, I don't even know what to do about meeting anyone or making friends.
Sorry for the long post.
 

let me be the first to say welcome aboard, @Confused. congratulations, you've taken the first step in transitioning by reaching out.

SF is both an active and friendly place, with a global membership. post and participate here and make some new friends.

take small, measured steps in reintegrating yourself, keeping in mind. that this pandemic will probably somewhat limit progress. but, if you're determined, it'll happen.

where are you from? what are your interests?

here's hopin' to see you in the threads...
 
SmoothSeas said:
let me be the first to say welcome aboard, @Confused. congratulations, you've taken the first step in transitioning by reaching out.

SF is both an active and friendly place, with a global membership. post and participate here and make some new friends.

take small, measured steps in reintegrating yourself, keeping in mind. that this pandemic will probably somewhat limit progress. but, if you're determined, it'll happen.

where are you from? what are your interests?

here's hopin' to see you in the threads...
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Thank you, currently in California, I play a bit of guitar, I enjoy researching things online, and I am interested in gardening but only had a tiny patch in the back of the house where I grow tomatoes.
 
Welcome from Los Angeles! Is there any way you can reconnect with old friends? Surely they'll understand your hyper-focus on your father for the past couple of years.

Since you cared for your dad during the past six years you could probably go into the caregiving field if that appeals. Without know your education, career background, type of area (rural, suburban, urban) and approximate financial needs, it's hard to offer more specific job advice.

Wishing you the best and hope to get to know you on these boards!

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Welcome..are you male or female,? hard to tell with the ID.. :giggle:.. Well done on making the first move back into the big bad world.. this is a great place to start.

Please don't feel like you're the newbie in a bunch of established friends, some of us have been here many years, but we've had quite a lot of new members in the last few weeks so you're not the only new one here by any means, so I hope that's of some comfort to you.. feel free to join in any thread or conversation that takes your fancy, there are no cliques here.. :giggle:
 
StarSong said:
Welcome from Los Angeles! Is there any way you can reconnect with old friends? Surely they'll understand your hyper-focus on your father for the past couple of years.

Since you cared for your dad during the past six years you could probably go into the caregiving field if that appeals. Without know your education, career background, type of area (rural, suburban, urban) and approximate financial needs, it's hard to offer more specific job advice.

Wishing you the best and hope to get to know you on these boards!

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It seems I can not reconnect for various reasons, I thought about the care giving field but I would honestly like to do something else, it's difficult to imagine going back to that after my father.
My education is "high school with some college" my financials are OK at the moment, I saved quite a bit but have you seen housing prices lately? I live in norcal and it was always easy to find something inexpensive but over the last 2 years prices spiked way up, for everything too not just housing.
I think based on my job possibilities that California has become to expensive for me to live here any longer.
 
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I'm in Calif, too. I took care of my mom for over a decade. First thing you need to do now is get the rent situation handled. If you can get a job, @StarSong 's Senior Care idea was a good one, and you don't necessarily need a license.

Or you could find reduced-rent housing through this nationwide agency: www.mutualhousing.com. There's a list of cities, and each place has an online application. Apply as a "displaced senior" so you can get priority status, and the waiting period won't be so long. I was on the waiting list for about 6 months but most applicants wait for 18months up to 3 years.
 
Cornfused said:
... I am quite suddenly jobless, friendless, and frankly shocked at the prices of housing and even gas...
So, any advice that could help me transition, get back to normal life (haha)
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Welcome Cornfused. Since you asked for advice, unless you're loaded, it's no longer easy to find a place to live in California..and if you ARE loaded then I'd be happy to be your realtor ☺️. Like half of Californians, you may start thinking about moving. They are mostly moving to Denver and I think Austin Tx so prices are now skyrocketing there too I hear.

Most beach towns on the East coast have also skyrocketed. Are you only interested in the beach life? I just noticed Murrmurr above has some good advice. Florida is a thought....central or the west coast of FL.
 
Welcome! We live in Ventura County in a +55 mobile home park. The homes here have not had that terrible escalation that SF houses have.
I was caregiver for my late wife for 12 years, and understand the feeling of aimlessness after being caring for your father.
 
WELCOME, Cornfused. I'm not sure you missed a lot by being remote and away "from it all." Looks like another war coming between NATO and Russia with China on the other side. Big unrest in the Balkans, masked bandits running around all the stores, high inflation and maybe hyper-inflation coming, crazy prices for houses, etc. The world does seem to be going mad! I sort of wish I could have missed all of this.

My only advice is try to join some sort of organization. You are not that old; I'm 75. Yes, those employers consider anyone over 30 to be too old. Silly if you ask me but that's what happens when you are away. I'm sure we all wish you the best of luck. Go slow and don't give up. Think positive and don't let the buggers get you down!
 
Hi @Confused and welcome. @StarSong's suggestion of getting a job as a caregiver is a good one. I worked as a senior caregiver when I was in my 60's and also worked part time as a teacher assistant at the same age. Employees are needed everywhere.

Give yourself time to adjust to a new way of life. Read and participate in the Forums here and find out about other seniors and their activities. You will be fine. Just be patient with yourself.

 
Welcome Corngiver from an Aussie.

I cannot offer any specific advice from such a long distance so I will pass on something I heard from one of our cricketers yesterday. He said that one of the important things he had learned from his father is to keep your eyes on where you want to be, rather than focussing on where you fear to be. I would add believe in yourself because you have proven your worth to other people.
 
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Welcome @Cornfused :)

You know, aside from the *wonderful* people here; I'm wondering if there are not some support groups (even online) where you can get connected with others in the same situation and very likely some help and advice on where to go from here from people who have been where you are now.

You can't be the only one this has happened to, so there must be groups out there.

I searched a bit and found this site: https://www.care.com/c/caregiver-support-groups/

I didn't, in quick perusal, notice any specifically for caregivers of parents who have died, but some for specifically for caregivers of aging parents and others all inclusive.

So, looked *that* up and found: https://www.caregiver.org/resource/grief-and-loss/
which seems to have a lot of helpful information on their site and also links to more sites that could lend further help.

I hope this wasn't presumptuous and I realize you've probably already thought of and done much of it, but sometimes it so hard, in grief, to do these types of things. And anyway, here you are, doing them. :)

Again, welcome. And I'm sorry for your loss, @Cornfused.
 
welcome to group photo_ Welcome to the group….gif @Cornfused So HAPPY you found SF. So sorry for your loss and what you're going through. I commend you greatly for being the caregiver you were. Now it's time to live your life. I'm sure it's not easy to try and step into the world again. You will have a great support system here, we share....we care. ENJOY your time here.
 
I'm not sure I'm one to give advice, but I can definitely commiserate. (Im a newbie here, we can learn the ropes together)

I had been my late husband's caregiver for quite a while, ignoring my career, work contacts and pretty much life in general. I handled the passing of my brother and both parents by immersing myself deeper into my role as caregiver. He had no life threatening illnesses, so we expected our life to continue as it was into our "forever." Then a bout with pneumonia found stage 4 lung cancer and less than a month after discovery, he was gone.

Suddenly I realized I had no clue who I was. I had gone from being part of a large supportive family and then to my role as a care giving wife. Suddenly I was nobody's daughter, sister or wife. It was hard to adjust to being a widow and an orphan, and although my home was secure, I had no way to support myself. I seriously considered suicide.

But I hung in, because of my dog. I found an online writing job (there are hundreds of legitimate online job websites offering positions in most fields.) and began rebuilding my contact list. I lost my best friend to cancer a year later, which jolted me out of my new groove, but two years later I'm still here.

I totally "reinvented myself" and I think that is one advice I feel safe offering. If funds allow, get a haircut/color and a new outfit. Look at your bucket list and see what you might be doing towards those goals.

I have always wanted to go rockhounding out West. Unlikely to happen, BUT I found a local rock and gem group that does local hunts. I'm dating (ohhhh, what a dearth of interesting men are in my area!) and I joined a local gym.

Every day I find a bit more of myself. I know who I am now. You will too! Its scary as hell...but you can do it.
 

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