You Can't Go Back

L

Lon

Well-known Member
Location
Central California
I have discovered that you just can't go back and pick up friendships where you left off if you have been gone for a long time, like 20 years or more, and in some cases just six months, particularly when you get older. Old friends and aquaintances have died, their lives have moved on separately from yours and you no longer have anything in common, save a few memories.
 

This is very true Lon, it's hard to know where to start with conversation when you have missed so much of somebody's life.Easier to start a new friendship in a way.
 
I agree. Sometimes an absence of a lot less than 20 yrs changes people (or changes the way you see things). There are exceptions, but they are rare.
 
I recently ran into an old flame from high school who was stunningly beautiful in 1959. She is still stunningly beautiful but I noticed she is dumber than a box of rocks. Funny how I didn't notice that in 1959. These days I am only attracted to intelligent women.
 
I don't necessarily agree. My best friend in Kuwait was sent home to boarding school and then went on to teacher training college but we corresponded until losing contact through moving etc. About 30 years later, by a huge stroke of luck, we made contact again via her brother and a mutual friend. We spoke on the phone and made arrangements for me to go and stay with her for the weekend. It was as if we had never been apart, we just couldn't stop talking! From then on we chatted on the phone most weeks and every year we spent a week together either at her house or mine and sometimes we would meet up at a point in between and spend a day together.

Sadly, she died last year and it hit me really hard. I miss her terribly but am so so glad that we met again after such a long gap and had another 18 years of laughter and friendship.
 
The first responders to this thread were male. Pam, I agree with you but I am a woman. I do believe girl to girl friendships can weather the time for ever. Girl's friendships run deep. I think the male friendships with women probably are not as likely to be something that would wear well through years. Possibly a few male to male ones might if they were real friends not just buddies. :)
 
I don't think so... I have looked up women friends that I have had lost contact with.. some I was really close to and went through some landmark times in our lives.. High
school, college, young married years... having our first children... . and I have not been able to rekindle any of them.. and NO we did not have any falling out.. only time and changing life circumstances got in the way. So NO... I don't think women are different from men in that regard. I have to agree with the guys.. if a friendship has had years of distance.. there is no going back. There may be a chance of developing a new friendship, but not the same kind it was.
 
I agree with you. Pam and Lenore, I think friendship often means something different to men than it does to women. Many men are buddies, but do not engage in the emotional investment than frequently characterizes female relationships.
 
~Lenore said:
The first responders to this thread were male. Pam, I agree with you but I am a woman. I do believe girl to girl friendships can weather the time for ever. Girl's friendships run deep. I think the male friendships with women probably are not as likely to be something that would wear well through years. Possibly a few male to male ones might if they were real friends not just buddies. :)
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meh....I don't think it's a gender thing. Some female friendships last, and many don’t Same with men.
 
I don't see it as starting a new friendship with my friend, we really did meet up and simply carried on where we left off all those years ago.
 
An old friend of mine from the late 80's looked me up last year. He was one of my best golf beer drinking buddies. But he divorced and moved to another state. Last year he called out of the blue and I met him and his family on the gulf coast during his kid's Fall break. He hadn't changed a bit and has a great family. We went out to dinner several times and now stay in contact via emails and an occasional phone call. Just got through corresponding with him earlier today. I have no doubt we will stay in touch from now on. Plan to meet again this Fall.

In many cases it probably is hard to reconnect with old friends. But not always.
 
Life circumstances and experiences change us and I find it hard to reconnect with old friends after not seeing them for decades, both male and female. It makes me wonder how close we even were to begin with or if it was just all about doing things together. I still have a female friend who I had lost contact with and reconnected with recently, but I'm not even sure I like her anymore, or if I ever did.
 
Cookie said:
Life circumstances and experiences change us and I find it hard to reconnect with old friends after not seeing them for decades, both male and female. It makes me wonder how close we even were to begin with or if it was just all about doing things together. I still have a female friend who I had lost contact with and reconnected with recently, but I'm not even sure I like her anymore, or if I ever did.
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Exactly.. I recently reconnected with a woman I first met when we were in first grade.. we were friends all through school, and part of our young adulthood, but divorces and changes in location had us lose contact for nearly 25 years. We met several times and had a great time reliving the past and talking about what happened to mutual acquaintances, but on the last meeting, the conversation seemed to wane.... and like you, I'm not sure I really like her now.. we don't seem to have anything in common now.... other than our history.
 
I'll be attending my 50th high school reunion this summer. It will interesting to see whether I can reconnect with anyone. I do have two friends who I have stayed in close contact with during the last 50 years and they will be there. I went to the 30th reunion and, except for those two friends, did not feel that I had anything in common with the rest of my old school friends. Of course, the vast majority of attendees at the 30th reunion had remained in the area; very few had left town. That might have a lot to do with it.
 
Perhaps I am odd? (well, more odd than I thought). Lol. I find that if the connection was deep enough, time and space don't seem to have much of an affect(effect). Never could discern between the two 'ffects. So much for an English teacher's daughter. I am, by definition, a depth junkie. Perhaps that might explain it. I love to touch souls, best gift ever. Better than sex.(just).lol.
 
Louis said:
I recently ran into an old flame from high school who was stunningly beautiful in 1959. She is still stunningly beautiful but I noticed she is dumber than a box of rocks. Funny how I didn't notice that in 1959. These days I am only attracted to intelligent women.
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I had the same experience with a guy I used to know. I think it has something to do with hormones.
 
Shalimar said:
Perhaps I am odd? (well, more odd than I thought). Lol. I find that if the connection was deep enough, time and space don't seem to have much of an affect(effect). Never could discern between the two 'ffects. So much for an English teacher's daughter. I am, by definition, a depth junkie. Perhaps that might explain it. I love to touch souls, best gift ever. Better than sex.(just).lol.
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No, it's not.
 
When I went to my 25th high school reunion, I found out that the kids I disliked, I still disliked.. I'm interested in going to my 50th in 2 years.. wonder how many are still alive..
 
I never went to any high school reunions, I think it could be pure hell. Although there would be lots of people I would love to see .... but it would take a lot of booze to get me through a night like that. Some of my good high school friends have already passed away too, unfortunately, but come to think of it, if I were still living in the same town, I would really love to see some of the ones that are still around.
 
Cookie said:
I never went to any high school reunions, I think it could be pure hell. Although there would be lots of people I would love to see .... but it would take a lot of booze to get me through a night like that. Some of my good high school friends have already passed away too, unfortunately, but come to think of it, if I were still living in the same town, I would really love to see some of the ones that are still around.
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:laugh:

I have nothing in common with my fellow graduates so I had the reunion committee remove me from the list.
 
oakapple said:
This is very true Lon, it's hard to know where to start with conversation when you have missed so much of somebody's life.Easier to start a new friendship in a way.
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You know, that hasn't been our experience at all with a couple of friends from our teens/early twenties. Like someone said, we really don't have anything in common anymore, but when our two friends who are sisters came for a long weekend, it was like the years in between didn't happen. Has to be almost 30 years. We have chatted via email and one meet for coffee a few years back, but other than that total silence. And yet, we had a great time reconnecting. By the end of the weekend we were all talked out. It was great but exhausting.
 

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