You either love me or you don't, you can't have it both ways!

grahamg

grahamg

Old codger
Location
South of Manchester, UK
We hear quite a lot about "different kinds of love" on forums such as this one, and I've always thought it was "a load of old tosh"!

However, whether it is as I've described or not, when it come to our intimate relationships, you may be familiar with the scenario where your intended beats about the bush concerning their feelings for you(?).

If so then you'll maybe appreciate how easy it is to be made a fool of, and maybe we should be prepared to put whoever it might be on the spot in the manner laid out in the thread title(?).

What do you think? :)
 

I think people either love me or they don't and I can live with that. In intimate relationships it took me time to develop the self respect to let an unsatisfying relationship go. It's healthier for both parties in so many ways. Separation and divorce can be so antagonistic. It's better to come to terms with this as early as possible. Just IMO. šŸ¤”
 
chic said:
I think people either love me or they don't and I can live with that. In intimate relationships it took me time to develop the self respect to let an unsatisfying relationship go. It's healthier for both parties in so many ways. Separation and divorce can be so antagonistic. It's better to come to terms with this as early as possible. Just IMO. šŸ¤”
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Oh yes, I certainly agree with you, "BUT JUST TO PLAY DEVILS ADVOCATE" for a moment, what kind of "love" is it you're referring to, that others can either feel or no?
(apologies in advance, just trying to twist your mind, obfuscate/confuse, or "whatever" here, even if you don't deserve it! :) ).
 

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I think I know what you mean. My current partner and I say it often to each other because it is REAL. Before that the last time I can remember, after 2 divorces, is when I was in my teens engulfed in making out. :ROFLMAO:
 
Paco Dennis said:
I think I know what you mean. My current partner and I say it often to each other because it is REAL. Before that the last time I can remember, after 2 divorces, is when I was in my teens engulfed in making out. :ROFLMAO:
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My dad used to ask, "If you could have your time over again what would you do differently"?
or "Would you marry me again Mrs G., if you knew what you know now?", (to my mother).

Its probably the most unanswerable question because you dont live your life with the benefit of hindsight, and it wouldn't be much of a life if you did, with nothing unexpected to look forward to, or ponder.

Whether we'd have loved the exes as we did is obviously very unlikely, ("no matter what kind of love anyone's talking about hey!!!! šŸ˜šŸ˜‡šŸ™ƒ ).
 
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Somewhere I came across something called Five Love Languages, and each person has their own preference. Below, it explains it more:

According to author Gary Chapman, there are five love languages. Our "love language" describes how we receive love from others. They are:

Words of Affirmation - Saying supportive things to your partner

Acts of Service - Doing helpful things for your partner

Receiving Gifts - Giving your partner gifts that tell them you were thinking about them


Quality Time - Spending meaningful time with your partner

Physical Touch - Being close to and caressed by your partner

Each of us differs in the ways that we receive love. By learning to give love in the ways that our partner can best receive it, and by asking our partner to give us love in the ways that we can receive it, we can create stronger relationships.


Learn more about each of the love languages​

Want to find out which love languages you speak (or speak to you)?

Love language 1: Words of affirmation​

Ask yourself, how do you feel when you hear your partner offer encouraging, positive and affirming words, and compliments?

Examples: Your partner congratulates you, tells you "great job!", tells you that you look attractive, or thanks you for something?


If these things make you feel the most loved and happy, words of affirmation may be your primary love language.

Love language 2: Acts of service​

Ask yourself, how do you feel when your partner helps you with tasks that reduce your burden or ease your stress?

Examples: Your partner does a chore for you, runs an errand for you, or takes care of something without having to be asked?


If these things make you feel the most loved and happier, acts of service may be your primary love language.

Love language 3: Receiving gifts​

Ask yourself, how do you feel when your partner gets you thoughtful or extravagant gifts?

Examples: You get a gift or a small treat from your partner that tells you he/she was thinking about you.

article continues after advertisement

If these things make you feel the most loved and happy, receiving gifts may be your primary love language.

Love language 4: Quality time​

Ask yourself, how do you feel when your partner gives you their undivided attention and you engage in meaningful conversation or activities?

Examples: You and your partner have a date night, go on a trip together, or have a deep conversation?


If these things make you feel the most loved and happy, quality time may be your primary love language.

Love language 5: Physical touch​

Ask yourself, how do you feel when your partner shows you affection through touch?

Examples: You and your partner hold hands, kiss, hug, or sit/lay close together.

If these things make you feel the most loved and happy, physical touch may be your primary love language.

How to use love languages in your relationship​

If we want to build healthy relationships, we have to work at it. We have to tell our partner what makes us feel loved and we need to show our partner love in the ways that they want to receive it. That's how we can use love languages to improve the quality of our relationships.


Love language quizzes​

Want to know your love language. There are a bunch of love language quizzes available. Check out https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/
 
It is very easy for me to love people but if it isn't returned I can move on. For instance, when I was 15yrs old and going out with a friend and her friends I saw a guy walking to the car and he looked like Buddy Holly. I fell instantly in love and now we are married over 50yrs.
As far as other people if I have been good to them and they turn against me I can just walk away.
 
Sassycakes said:
It is very easy for me to love people but if it isn't returned I can move on. For instance, when I was 15yrs old and going out with a friend and her friends I saw a guy walking to the car and he looked like Buddy Holly. I fell instantly in love and now we are married over 50yrs.
As far as other people if I have been good to them and they turn against me I can just walk away.
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It is perfectly reasonable for someone to be strong enough to make such decisions, just as you see fit. :)
 
grahamg said:
Time for a song and video to liven up the thread, (shortened version):

(Lyrics "I'm goina love you every kind of way" sort of fit topic too)

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Pretty banal lyrics, and singing not to my taste either, (youngsters will no doubt love it though, and yes I admit I hadn't listened to the lyrics being sung before posting!). :)
 
palides2021 said:
Somewhere I came across something called Five Love Languages, and each person has their own preference. Below, it explains it more:
According to author Gary Chapman, there are five love languages. Our "love language" describes how we receive love from others. They are:

Words of Affirmation - Saying supportive things to your partner

Acts of Service - Doing helpful things for your partner

Receiving Gifts - Giving your partner gifts that tell them you were thinking about them


Quality Time - Spending meaningful time with your partner

Physical Touch - Being close to and caressed by your partner

Each of us differs in the ways that we receive love. By learning to give love in the ways that our partner can best receive it, and by asking our partner to give us love in the ways that we can receive it, we can create stronger relationships.


Learn more about each of the love languages​

Want to find out which love languages you speak (or speak to you)?

Love language 1: Words of affirmation​

Ask yourself, how do you feel when you hear your partner offer encouraging, positive and affirming words, and compliments?

Examples: Your partner congratulates you, tells you "great job!", tells you that you look attractive, or thanks you for something?


If these things make you feel the most loved and happy, words of affirmation may be your primary love language.

Love language 2: Acts of service​

Ask yourself, how do you feel when your partner helps you with tasks that reduce your burden or ease your stress?

Examples: Your partner does a chore for you, runs an errand for you, or takes care of something without having to be asked?


If these things make you feel the most loved and happier, acts of service may be your primary love language.

Love language 3: Receiving gifts​

Ask yourself, how do you feel when your partner gets you thoughtful or extravagant gifts?

Examples: You get a gift or a small treat from your partner that tells you he/she was thinking about you.

article continues after advertisement

If these things make you feel the most loved and happy, receiving gifts may be your primary love language.

Love language 4: Quality time​

Ask yourself, how do you feel when your partner gives you their undivided attention and you engage in meaningful conversation or activities?

Examples: You and your partner have a date night, go on a trip together, or have a deep conversation?


If these things make you feel the most loved and happy, quality time may be your primary love language.

Love language 5: Physical touch​

Ask yourself, how do you feel when your partner shows you affection through touch?

Examples: You and your partner hold hands, kiss, hug, or sit/lay close together.

If these things make you feel the most loved and happy, physical touch may be your primary love language.

How to use love languages in your relationship​

If we want to build healthy relationships, we have to work at it. We have to tell our partner what makes us feel loved and we need to show our partner love in the ways that they want to receive it. That's how we can use love languages to improve the quality of our relationships.


Love language quizzes​

Want to know your love language. There are a bunch of love language quizzes available. Check out https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/
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I liked reading the list of things we should consider, but youll appreciate why I suggest its slightly at odds with the old saying, "All's fair in love and war"! :)
 
Grahamg - good to hear from you - love you brother, keep posting my friend.

Love me if you will or for some strange and demented reason, maybe not - but it's your loss, not mine. Harsh, sad or simply just the truth, love one another or the universe dies.
 
Gardenlover said:
Grahamg - good to hear from you - love you brother, keep posting my friend.
Love me if you will or for some strange and demented reason, maybe not - but it's your loss, not mine. Harsh, sad or simply just the truth, love one another or the universe dies.
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"No, you don't love me, don't be sillly", (although, well I am open to offers,.....! ). :)
 
grahamg said:
Shakespeare would be my first guess, though I'll check, (you've not heard it before though, that's a surprise
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John Lyly I've discovered, in a romantic novel almost five hundred years ago, (someone tell us they've read it, that would be good wouldn't it! :) ).
I stand corrected, not Shakespeare after all, though from his time, and in my view much truth in "the concocted saying"! :)
 
Shero said:
.The origins of this idiom came from John Lyly, a poet from the novel "Euphues: The Anatomy of Wit," published in 1579.
He wrote ā€œThe rules of fair play do not apply in love and war.ā€ It is often used to justify cheating.
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I can see why you say the phrase is "used to justify cheating", though it could equally be a phrase used to "explain cheating" on your lover/partner/spouse, couldn't it(?).
 
Shero said:
I am not sure I know what you mean. Do you mean you are afraid to love in case it is not returned? Love should be given unconditional, like a gift, expecting nothing in return (for me anyway).
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I did a bit of research using the enquiry "How many types of love are there really"?

Confusingly, experts seem to disagree, (anywhere between four and eight they see to suggest, (make your minds up! :rolleyes: ).

Anyway, here is one view, an opinion you'd agree with I guess, (whilst I'm still a one kind of love guy), quote:
https://www.quora.com/Are-there-different-types-of-love

"Iā€™ve come across four types of love.

  1. Platonic love: This is the love you have for friends and family. This is the love that makes you care for them, value them, want the best for them and feel a strong connection for them. It doesnā€™t involve sexual feelings and creates an unbreakable bond between the two.
  2. Romantic love: This is the type of love you will have for a bf/gf or spouse. You want to build a future with them. You share sexual feelings with one another. You explore these feelings together. Itā€™s a selfless type of feeling, where you do your best to stay happy with this person.
  3. Unconditional love: This is the love good parents have for their children. No matter if your child is struggling or making bad decisions in their lives, you donā€™t abandon them. You donā€™t insult them and put them down. You help them back up to their feet. You ensure you can help them when they need it. This isnā€™t based on their income, social status, looks, or reputation. Your feelings for them isnā€™t dependent on the person they are.
  4. Conditional love: This love is transactional. You receive love and praise, if you meet standards. These are the type of parents that give you a cold shoulder for not getting perfect grades, not making as much money as ā€œXā€ child. But as soon, as success comes your way, all of a sudden you are the pride and crowning accomplishment of your parents. They brag about you nonstop how they never for a second doubted your success. But the moment, things go south, the love goes away."
 
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