Your input on some family drama

I'm with GardenLover on this one: fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

If you have already made the choice to keep him out of your life, I see no indication in anything you said that should change that decision unless you want more of the same treatment.
 

You could tell you brother & his wife to get royally bent. That might satisfy some of your anger issues. But how does that get you those cherished family photos? And then, if you are only civil to them to get something, that doesn't say much for you, either.
 
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How do you feel about the wife? Is she as bad as your brother? If so, I agree with those who are saying, "Write them off." But if you think her motivations might be better, friendlier, more honest, whatever, maybe give her (without him present) a chance to make amends. In other words, are you sure they are all "takers," or is it only him?
 

Sunny said:
How do you feel about the wife? Is she as bad as your brother? If so, I agree with those who are saying, "Write them off." But if you think her motivations might be better, friendlier, more honest, whatever, maybe give her (without him present) a chance to make amends. In other words, are you sure they are all "takers," or is it only him?
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She has always been rather cold and distant, and yes, also a taker. I was supposed to get my mother's sterling silver flatware after her death, but that never happened, and I never saw it again. Apparently, having her (my SIL) own and her grandmother's wasn't quite enough. I haven't missed it, really, but it's the principal of the thing. Pretty sure we aren't going to be BFF's.
 
Victor said:
I would not forgive or forget. Leave them alone. Sure they are chatty but it is probably a false sincerity, a veneer,
a front. My sister stole important things from a condo and we never got them back. Ironically, she doesnt even have the space to store them in. I have seen family and friends turn on the charm, then off again. It is half-hearted gesture (a mask) with guilt attached. Sorry for your trouble. The old saying how family is important should not be taken literally. In your case, this family is not. I'd write them off.
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Ditto.
 
@CarolfromTX Don't feel bad for unloading.....i think what many of us are here for is Friendship, sharing, supporting, and listening. You have every cause for feeling the way you do. The saying goes " Family First " but not if you're on the receiving end of hurt feelings, broken heart, dismay. I don't really have anything different to say, that hasn't already been said. How some family members have the nerve to do and say what they will, and just carry on with your hurt and values under their feet, No guilt, no remorse. I'm sure we all have family skeletons in our closet, me as well. Another saying " Forgive and Forget ". Pretty hard to do when you're on the receiving end, sadly, and for thoses family members who are on the issuing end, not another thought and see nothing wrong as to how they conduct themselves. Do what you think is the best for you.
 
Keesha is right in saying, @CarolfromTX ......That you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family. I know this may not be the best thing that any of us would ever want to do, but, i'm sure we've all done this out of need, when we have acquired friends that are just not good for us either for our minds or hearts, we will house clean our list.....hoping that we wouldn't have to do that with our family list, but in some cases there is no other choice, what you are having to deal with is so hurtful, somehow, maybe you can find a way out of this testy situation, not saying to forgive or forget, but you deserve much better from some family members, if they lose you and your kids, it's their loss.
 
When I can't decide whether to keep someone who may have treated me in a bad way , or accept someone back into my life who has..... I always imagine that if the phone rings and I find myself hoping or dreading that it's not that particular person, then it's time for those ties to be cut with very sharp scissors , and for them to be persona non grata

No room any more in my life for toxic relatives or smiling assassins
 
hollydolly said:
When I can't decide whether to keep someone who may have treated me in a bad way , or accept someone back into my life who has..... I always imagine that if the phone rings and I find myself hoping or dreading that it's not that particular person, then it's time for those ties to be cut with very sharp scissors , and for them to be persona non grata

No room any more in my life for toxic relatives or smiling assassins
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Oh, very wise!
 
terry123 said:
Be very careful. He should be making the first move. Not his wife.
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Not always. My dad and I never got along. I left home as soon as I finished school. I have had no contact with anyone in my family as we were scattered to the 4 winds. Fast forward a lot of years and the wife told me it wasn't right for me to deprive the grand parents the right to see the grand children. So, we patched things up, and a side benefit was I was able to make contact with my sister and my brother. I'm glad my dad got to spend time with me and the family before he passed.
Now, me being a stubborn hard headed jack a$$, this never would have happened had it not been for the wife. Just saying...
 
I don't know what I'd do either, but I'm slow to forgive and slower to forget.
 

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