Your Obituary Photo

[Jules]

My mother was adamant that she hated seeing a photo of someone in their early years rather than a fairly recent one. This is how people know you.

A friend’s memorial picture popped up. She was 40 or 50 years younger. We nearly deleted the email because we though it was a hoax.

What would you expect for yourself or someone you’re writing about?

I can’t even see any reason for a youthful photo. Even if your children remembered you like that, they would have stronger memories as you aged.

 

[hollydolly]

I've never given it a thought, on reflection I think I'd want a photo that my family would know I particularly liked of myself....the last wish should be the deceased surely...

 

[Pinky]

No photo. If they know/knew me, they know/knew what I looked like.

 

[Jules]

I

No photo. If they know/knew me, they know/knew what I looked like.

That’s how I feel too. I did tell my husband that no matter how long I last, no photos of me after 70. My bad eye is now only 2/3 open and I can’t wear makeup. I’d rather just have a few lines in some small town places where I lived.

 

[Aunt Marg]

I've already nailed this aspect down in my will.

No obituary.

I quite like obituaries where 2-3 photos are posted, seeing the person in their early years to late.

 

[Murrmurr]

I wrote my mom's obituary and when my brother sent it for publication, he sent along a recent photo. The publisher asked if he had an earlier one. Their reasoning was that (generally) most people you knew during your life are people you lost contact with years ago - people and family close to you know your face, someone reading the obit might recall your name but can't put a face to it.

 

[Jules]

No obituary.

Can I ask why.

I feel sad when I learn by chance that someone I know passed several weeks earlier. I think it makes it easier on the family left behind. They don’t have to tell the same story every time they run into someone.

I’m not a funeral chaser. Some people love to go to any funeral even if they didn’t know them.

 

[hollydolly]

I wrote my mom's obituary and when my brother sent it for publication, he sent along a recent photo. The publisher asked if he had an earlier one. Their reasoning was that (generally) most people you knew during your life are people you lost contact with years ago - people and family close to you know your face, someone reading the obit might recall your name but can't put a face to it.

That's a very good point

 

[Murrmurr]

No obituary.

I quite like obituaries where 2-3 photos are posted, seeing the person in their early years to late.

Me too, and yeah, me too.
Everyone in my life who cares won't need to read somewhere that I'm dead, they'll know.

 

[Aunt Bea]

To me, it is a personal decision.

I've known people that select a youthful photo of themselves in the military or some other important period in their life and others that select a current photo.

I've arranged to have a brief legal notice of my death with no photo and no recap of my life or listing of surviving relatives.

 

[Sassycakes]

In my parent's obituaries, I put in their recent pictures and I would think my children would do the same for me. One of my Mom's sisters passed at the age of 102yrs old and looked almost exactly as she did 50yrs before that.

 

[Ruthanne]

If they find a nice one of me they can put that in my obit. Hard to find one these days--

 

[Gaer]

After you pass into spirit, you can be any age you like, so in my Mother's obit, I put a picture of her young and one of her in old age. I hope they do that for my obit too!
interesting question, jules!

 

[Aunt Marg]

Can I ask why.

I feel sad when I learn by chance that someone I know passed several weeks earlier. I think it makes it easier on the family left behind. They don’t have to tell the same story every time they run into someone.

I’m not a funeral chaser. Some people love to go to any funeral even if they didn’t know them.

With me, Jules, I feel once my life is over, it's over, I don't want people carrying on in relation to me. I don't want people bringing flowers, travelling to attend my funeral, posting comments under my obituary as to what a wonderful person Aunt Marg was, and how they're going to miss me, I just want to go the same way I came, quietly and without notice.

They'll be no obituary for me, no funeral, and no gravesite.

I plan on getting cremated, with my ashes spread in a mountain clearing a few miles from where we live, a place where me and my husband have frequented over the years.

What I like about making a quiet exit, is it provides less opportunity for people to talk.

 

[Gaer]

With me, Jules, I feel once my life is over, it's over, I don't want people carrying on in relation to me. I don't want people bringing flowers, travelling to attend my funeral, posting comments under my obituary as to what a wonderful person Aunt Marg was, and how they're going to miss me, I just want to go the same way I came, quietly and without notice.

They'll be no obituary for me, no funeral, and no gravesite.

I plan on getting cremated, with my ashes spread in a mountain clearing a few miles from where we live, a place where me and my husband have frequented over the years.

What I like about making a quiet exit, is it provides less opportunity for people to talk.

I think a quiet exit is a gracious way to leave. i wouldn't want a funeral either, just an obit in the paper.

 

[IrisSenior]

My daughter can do what she wants, I am dead so I don't care. She knows I don't want her spending too much money; it should go to the living (family) that are left.

 

[hawkdon]

No funeral, no notice in paper, cremation and delivery of
ashes to cemetery guy is it for me....then so long.....

 

[Aunt Marg]

I think a quiet exit is a gracious way to leave. i wouldn't want a funeral either, just an obit in the paper.

I'm glad to know there are others who feel the same as me, Gaer.

Over the years I have watched family scramble... scramble to buy dressy clothes for such, take time off work, get on dangerous, busy highways to make the trek to attend funeral services, and from the time I was old enough to understand, my thoughts were, and always have been, what for. Who are you doing this for.

I've heard people say, "we're here for the family". I say rubbish. In fact, speaking for myself, I can't remember attendees of my own parents funerals outside of my own siblings, a few cousins, and a few close friends, so if people are under the belief that attending funerals supports the family, they're sadly mistaken, because reality tells me I'm not the only one who conducted myself in a fog when I lost my parents, and looking back on it now, I couldn't care less who attended my parents funerals, and at the time I for surely couldn't have cared less as to who was in attendance, because I noticed very few around me.

 

[Leonie]

After you pass into spirit, you can be any age you like, so in my Mother's obit, I put a picture of her young and one of her in old age. I hope they do that for my obit too!
interesting question, jules!

Ooh, I like that idea Gaer, now it's got me thinking, "What age would I choose?" But I guess that's an idea for a whole other topic.

As for this one, I've never really given it much thought either. I guess in reality it becomes someone else's decision no matter how much we might wish differently. I've seen last wishes fail to be granted too often to have much faith in expectations of that sort. Que Sera Sera!

 

[horseless carriage]

 

[tbeltrans]

Here is my obituary photo...











...since by the time an obituary notice is published, I am long gone, unless it is published BEFORE I am gone in which case I am sure the police would get involved.

Tony

 

[ProTruckDriver]

I don't want people carrying on in relation to me. I don't want people bringing flowers, travelling to attend my funeral, posting comments under my obituary as to what a wonderful person Aunt Marg was, and how they're going to miss me, I just want to go the same way I came, quietly and without notice.

They'll be no obituary for me, no funeral, and no gravesite.

I plan on getting cremated, with my ashes spread in a mountain clearing a few miles from where we live, a place where me and my husband have frequented over the years.

What I like about making a quiet exit, is it provides less opportunity for people to talk.

My wife and I talked about this a few months ago. We feel the same as you Aunt Marg. Our ashes will be spread in the Atlantic Ocean.

 

[Aunt Marg]

My wife and I talked about this a few months ago. We feel the same as you Aunt Marg. Our ashes will be spread in the Atlantic Ocean.

So simple, Pro, and for me I find peace in it, the whole cremation thing and having ones ashes scattered.

I find a sense of calm in it.

 

[Jules]

I think a quiet exit is a gracious way to leave. i wouldn't want a funeral either, just an obit in the paper.

No funeral or celebration of life for me either. I will permit a small obit, no photo. I think my husband will oblige, but who knows if he wasn’t here to make the decision. My kids were shocked. Since they live 2000 km away, I think they’ll change their minds. I told them they could go out to dinner on my credit card.

@Murrmurr I disagree with the newspaper’s idea that everyone will know you’re gone. When I spot a photo of someone I don’t know by full name, I feel sad. You’d be surprised how sharp much older people are about reading the details. Still don’t want my photo in the paper.

 

[tbeltrans]

So simple, Pro, and for me I find peace in it, the whole cremation thing and having ones ashes scattered.

I find a sense of calm in it.

That is what my wife and I are signed up and all paid for...cremation. What I want instead of any sort of funeral is a big BBQ, at which it will be announced that I was cremated, leaving the guests to wonder...

Tony