Your Parents

My elder sister married young due to our mother’s scathing disapproval of her boyfriend. By that disapproval and condemnation, she drove her right to him, but could never see that. My mother was emotionally abusive to both my sister and I, and my father was loving but sought to placate her constantly in the interests of peace. This only made her more demanding and narcissistic.

My mother wanted me to be popular and athletic, both things that I wasn’t. She used to yell at me to “get (my) nose out of that book,” and while I did well academically, both of my parents would have been happier had I been a ball player. My parents were polar opposites in personalities, and I took after my father…
 

Are there any of you a "middle child".? I was and I found it difficult to show my true feelings. I was rather shy as my older sister and the younger one were extroverts. Always showing off and here was I sitting in the corner. This continued over the years but when I left school at 15 to work in an office my confidence grew. I had lovely girlfriends and we used to go to dances and out to restaurants, much to my parent's disapproval. When I was 21 I met a handsome young South American who worked on cargo ships. He wanted me to join him in America where he lived with his Uncle. Unfortunately, I didn't have the funds to travel, and this romance slowly faded. Within the next year I met a fantastic man whom I eventually eloped with. We had 2 beautiful sons, both successful and our marriage lasted 46 years until my husband passed. People ask if I had any regrets, but I always say No. If you follow your dreams and don't be persuaded by others, trying to talk you out of things, it will be a lovely life.
 

Mommy Dearest give my older sister up at birth...does that give you a clue about her disdain for daughters? I was never able to find her but often celebrate that she was able to escape. My parents divorced when I was four, Dad died six months later but not before she seared into my memory her screaming, childish fits yelling at him that she wished he were dead. She got what she wanted, but never had me, left when I was 17 and never looked back.
I wonder whether my sister is on this platform?
 
I was the youngest of three. My parents were kind, fun and loving. They were always very supportive. I had 3 kids and they were excellent grandparents.

I learned in my thirties that I was an accident which is why there’s a 5 year gap between me and my brother. My mom told me and it was obvious how much both my parents loved me so no big deal.

When my dad had a massive stroke I helped my mom care for him and she helped with my kids so I could go to college at 31. I love and miss them very much.
 
My parents were considered cool by my friends. My dad never missed a football games during my 4 year career and even when I had a great game, he gave the credit for the win to other players, which was fine by me. We were a team and everyone was part of the win. In my best game ever, I rushed for over 200 yards. The paper the next day played it up big. All my dad said to me was “Good game last night.” My mom would tell me don’t worry. “Your dad is your biggest fan.”

When I was offered a tryout with the Eagles and Redskin, my dad never said a word to anyone. I was prepared to go to my first tryout with the Eagles, until I found out they were going to use me as an OLB, or Outside LineBacker. I didn’t want that position and I knew there was no way I was going to make the team, so I declined the invitation and joined the Marines to get on with my life.
 
Happy Heart said:
Mommy Dearest give my older sister up at birth...does that give you a clue about her disdain for daughters? I was never able to find her but often celebrate that she was able to escape. My parents divorced when I was four, Dad died six months later but not before she seared into my memory her screaming, childish fits yelling at him that she wished he were dead. She got what she wanted, but never had me, left when I was 17 and never looked back.
I wonder whether my sister is on this platform?
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what is it with some women and daughters I wonder ?... My Maternal grandmother gave up all her daughters as babies.. sent to live in orphanages while she and my grandfather kept the sons.. loads of them... yet they were physically abusive to the boys..from what I was told..

My mother and her sisters grew up in an orphanage run by Evil Nuns where they were beaten on a regular basis, and made to attend church services every day.. and 3 times on Sundays.,... then literally was sent out into the world age 16.. with nowhere to go, and no money..

When she became a mother at 21... she was fine for the first 2 years of my life.. but as she had more children she couldn't cope.. she had never experienced how to be a mother.. or how to treat children the way they should be cared for...

My father who was an evil man.. older than my mother by 8 years.. and older by her mentally by about 20 years... ..I never learned anything about his childhood.. yet we had everything to do with my paternal grandparents who were long time separated.. and living separate lives.. No-one spoke about his childhood least of all him... the only thing I knew about my father was where he went to school.. the fact he left school at 14... and that he started smoking cigarettes at age 9.. ( and that he'd been married and had a child before he met my mother) and had gone to prison for a Horrible crime ( I only learned that not long before my mother died) .... To this day I don't know whether nurture or nature made him such a Heinous human
 
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hollydolly said:
what is it with some women and daughters I wonder ?... My Maternal grandmother gave up all her daughters as babies.. sent to live in orphanages while she and my grandfather kept the sons.. loads of them... yet they were physically abusive to the boys..from what I was told..

My mother and her sisters grew up in an orphanage run by Evil Nuns where they were beaten on a regular basis, and made to attend church services every day.. and 3 times on Sundays.,... then literally was sent out into the world age 16.. with nowhere to go, and no money..

When she became a mother at 21... she was fine for the first 2 years of my life.. but as she had more children she couldn't cope.. she had never experienced how to be a mother.. or how to treat children the way they should be cared for...

My father who was an evil man.. older than my mother by 8 years.. and older by her mentally by about 20 years... ..I never learned anything about his childhood.. yet we had everything to do with my paternal grandparents who were long time separated.. and living separate lives.. No-one spoke about his childhood least of all him... the only thing I knew about my father was where he went to school.. the fact he left school at 14... and that he started smoking cigarettes at age 9.. ( and that he'd been married and had a child before he met my mother) and had gone to prison for a Horrible crime ( I ony learned that not long before my mother died) .... To this day I don't know whether nurture or nature made him such a Heinous human
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Holly……The more I read about your early years, the more I feel sad for you and the fact that you had to endure such treatments. Now that you are older and have grown in many different ways, I am sure you are more appreciative of what life has to offer than many of us who never shared in the demises that you had to. You are in some ways very fortunate to have survived, not just physically., but also emotionally and now are able to enjoy some of what life’s finest has to offer. So, congratulations for being a survivor.

BTW, I have known people like you who didn’t survive. Some of them are now in prison.
 
Holly, I don't have an answer about why have so much conflict with their daughters but I suspect they like to visit their problems on them. For me, I can see now that she tried to pass along her fears to me, which has become a life long battle to retrain my brain. My Grandpa was reasonably well off for the time, my brother and I were used as pawns so she never had to work, but she resented our existence. Her second husband couldn't hold a job for more than a few months. I was expected to work after high school to support her lazy ---, but fortunately I had some good people around to show me a better way of life, helping me to not allow yesterday to interfere with today or tomorrow.
 
My dad had infinite patience, and things didn't bother him. My mom, on the other hand had, "issues". I hated holidays, because there would always be a fight. Vacations were weeks long fights. And she used to beat me with a broom when I was a little kid. The first time I ran away from home was when I was 4. My mom had psych. problems. My younger brother married a woman, who is a carbon copy of my mom. But I do admire both parents, in they always told me that "colored' people were just a good as whites. For the 1950s, in the USA, that was not at all common.
 
So I was hiding under THEIR bed when I was supposed to be in MY bed, asleep; but there I was snooping and I heard my mother say to my father "Don't praise Pepper so much" and I felt a part of me die.

Aside from that they were the greatest parents; generous and fun loving and always there when I needed them. Always. Never let me down except for that one incident that I carried with me to my great disadvantage.

The last time I saw my mother, and I didn't know it would be the last time, we discussed that among other things. She was so honest, so forthcoming. She remembered saying it, so I feel she must have told Dad that more than once. I am so grateful we were able to have that last talk. In fact, I feel lucky we did.

I miss them both, every day, several times a day. I feel my mother is trying to call me. Uh oh.
 

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