My mother disowned this brother when I was in high school. She never spoke with him again. Borderlines need supply. Bad. But she could let him go, she had other supply left. I won't get into the circumstances, but do I ever remember that day.That's awful. Yes, hardest for younger kids left in a relentlessly miserable household. It can mean siblings turn on each other because all that pain is stored.
Maybe it's possible you might talk to your brother one day and explain how it was for you. However, it's absolutely your decision and it may by now be impossible. I can not only imagine but I know how you must feel. Similar things happened in our family. Bad marriages spread ripple effects that gain power over years until everyone is left damaged.
You need a driver's license but unfortunately no license for being parents.Over the years, I have seen so many examples of people who should never have procreated.
True, but that doesn't mean that when it comes to things like trusting others or how words impact us, isn't a direct result of how our parents treated and talked to us when we were kids.Regardless of how things were at home growing up, good or bad, I think as we mature we have to take ownership of ourselves.
Regardless of how things were at home growing up, good or bad, I think as we mature we have to take ownership of ourselves.
When I found out they believe childhood abuse and trauma rewires that child's brain, it explained a lot. I also believe much of my issues is due to essentially zero resiliency. My mother isolated me. She was an immigrant so none of her family here. I never met one relative of my bio-dad. He as from back east somewhere and retired from the military in California. Fort Ord to be exact. I don't have any bad memories of my stepfather's family. They were nice to me. They could have been my family but my mother hated them and isolated us kids and my stepdad from his own family. Diabolical.Why just blame the moms? What about dad? Or siblings? Or Uncle Chester?
My point is I think children raised in a dysfunctional environment can easily carry problems forward into adulthood. I don't think mothers are the primary cause of all lifelong problems, but will concede one destructive person can scar us for life, but that person can be anyone.
I always preached that once an adult you make your own decisions and should no longer blame problems from childhood issues. Now that I'm older and wiser I no longer think that way. I've come to believe our childhood wires us a certain way, emotionally and intellectually, and it takes a lot of self awareness to recognize those negative issues and re-wire ourselves to be different.
That is true.When I found out they believe childhood abuse and trauma rewires that child's brain, it explained a lot. I also believe much of my issues is due to essentially zero resiliency. My mother isolated me. She was an immigrant so none of her family here. I never met one relative of my bio-dad. He as from back east somewhere and retired from the military in California. Fort Ord to be exact. I don't have any bad memories of my stepfather's family. They were nice to me. They could have been my family but my mother hated them and isolated us kids and my stepdad from his own family. Diabolical.
She defiantly had a hand (and very stern at times) in it. Just this passed weekend she camped out with us 4 days in her little van...Do you think your mother shaped who you are today? Mine certainly did.
Pax will never be the person he could have been, and that breaks my heart.@Murrmurr I feel so bad for Paxton and for you. The truth is, Paxton could be seperated from his siblings and still visit them. Kids are beyond resilient as long as they are treated well.
I completely agree with you. When I mentioned the resiliency, I meant that Paxton would not have been terribly damaged not living with his siblings. As long as he had good caregivers and parent figures like you. It sounds like he's in a household of poor parenting and I know the damage that can do.Pax will never be the person he could have been, and that breaks my heart.
And, yes, kids are resilient. But without someone to guide them to form good ways of coping with trauma and bad parenting, they often adopt unhealthy methods of coping.
You have to search long and hard (because states don't want you to know) to find articles and studies about the alarming number of kids in and out of the foster system who become addicts and repeat criminal offenders. Prison becomes a foster home to way too many of them. All due to bad parenting in their early childhood that was never addressed or somehow resolved.
In fact, my friend Melanie fostered Paxton's younger siblings (the twins) while I was already foster dad to Paxton (twins were born 11 after Pax), and she brought the twins to my place every week and we'd sometimes meet at a park or whatever. Then COVID hit and so we had the kids do face-time instead. By then, they were learning to talk.I completely agree with you. When I mentioned the resiliency, I meant that Paxton would not have been terribly damaged not living with his siblings. As long as he had good caregivers and parent figures like you. It sounds like he's in a household of poor parenting and I know the damage that can do.
Years ago a therapist told me I should be dead, strung out on drugs or in prison. I paid little attention to it. But I believe the prisons are full of abused kids and foster care kids.
Thousands of people, mostly foster parents, have demanded reform, but they're ignored. Someone needs to make the (hidden) relative studies, reports, and articles public. Really splash them everywhere. Maybe then more people would get angry and CPS and some politicians would get embarrassed enough to do something meaningful.They do @Murrmurr they really do. I sure wish I knew what the answer was.