Dating After 50

I’ve dated several men I’ve met online at dating sites. By the time it got to meeting them in person we’d been chatting online/thru email/in text and on the phone for several weeks. The men who weren’t interested in that kind of getting-to-know-each-other runway weren’t worth my time.

I enjoyed my relationships with each of these men. We ended things for a variety of reasons but I’m still friends with the ones who are still alive

Keep going Ruth. There are plenty of worthwhile men out there, searching just like you for the right fit. It’s unfortunate that you have to wade through so much crap but persistence will pay off in the end!!
 

I think online dating sites is one of the best inventions after the wheel, it could let you find that perfect needle in the haystack. If it works!

It would work perfectly if the posters did not post old photos, lied about what they are like, and lie about what they're looking for. I tried a few times and the last time, when I was 59, this guy said that he liked to hike and ''explore'' and had no problem in the sex department. Exactly what I was looking for! After I met him, all he wanted to do was drink coffee and talk and had no libido and was impotent and had no desire to hike or explore. He was attractive physically and had a nice shape, tall and slim, but had no teeth and refused to wear dentures, I had trouble understanding him. He was too lazy to clean his small apartment or wash dishes and paid his daughter to do it for him. After a few dates I ended it and gave up trying to find someone and have never dated again. That guy was the ''straw that broke the camel's back'' as far as I was concerned.
 
Ruthanne, did you ever meet that guy you were thinking of meeting back in August sometime? How did it go? Just curious, if you don't mind.
 

PVC said:
It would work perfectly if the posters did not post old photos, lied about what they are like, and lie about what they're looking for.
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I don't get it. That can be somewhat solved by video chatting with someone that appeals to you before meeting in person. Just about all devices these days come with a camera and microphone. And chatting that way can reveal better what each person is really like.
 
Olivia said:
I don't get it. That can be somewhat solved by video chatting with someone that appeals to you before meeting in person. Just about all devices these days come with a camera and microphone. And chatting that way can reveal better what each person is really like.
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Well, the last time I used a dating site was in early 2002 (with that toothless guy), I don't know if all those tech gizmos were available at that time.
 
Olivia said:
I don't get it. That can be somewhat solved by video chatting with someone that appeals to you before meeting in person. Just about all devices these days come with a camera and microphone. And chatting that way can reveal better what each person is really like.
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This. And if they decline, that’s a deal breaker right there.

I weeded out a couple of potentials after several weeks of chatting with them because they wouldn’t send me a selfie. (Another deal breaker for me) if their profile Pic was so out of date that they didn’t want me to see a current pic of them them then hmmm...nope.

A couple claimed ineptness with cell phones/didn’t have one/didn’t know how. Riiiight. 😒 The fact that you’re on the computer to access the dating site to begin with shows some facility. Get a friend to take a pic of you. Go to a photo booth and post that one. Make the effort. Otherwise nope.

I was also leery of only one photo. I posted many, doing what I loved, in a variety of different venues and settings, some quite unflattering. 😉 Full disclosure, y’know? The one time I broke that rule, AND the one about a selfie first, I was shocked at the disconnect between picture and real life. At least a 100 pounds of disconnect. 😱 The gentleman looked somewhat overweight in his picture but that didn’t bother me. Even all that extra weight wouldn’t have bothered me visually but he had trouble with mobility as a result and was largely housebound. You know me well enough here now that you know I’m very active. While it wasn’t imperative that I be with someone who did everything I did, I also did not want to have them living life 100% vicariously through me. That is actually what happened. I decided to date the man because I had more in common with him than anyone else in my entire life. That part was wonderful! But when it came right down to it, a little while in, I realized that I did not want to go out and do everything I do by myself, then come back and sit on the couch and recount it all to him for his enjoyment. That just wasn’t working for me.

It was after that that I decided no more dating somebody with just a single profile pic, and who wouldn’t send me at least one selfie or more current one.
 
I’m sooo lucky. My guy was an electrician who came to our house while my husband was dying. After my husbands death, I had him come back for another job, when he was done, he asked me to go out. Said he’d been there with his wife and knew what I was going through. Also assured me it was only coffee and to ‘talk’. Took me almost a year to call him and say yes. I’m so happy I did. He’s wonderful and couldn’t be kinder and all that stuff. Now that I know him as well as I do, he is actually a really shy guy, so asking me out must of been such a big deal to him. Sometimes I wonder if all the stars were lined up or divine intervention for us to meet the way we did.
 
NUMBER 1- men seem in a hurry ?
2-- keep trying there is some honest men around.
3 - ask qs about them before any meets ……...
4 if u do meet - just coffee cafe'' just incase he looks like Quasimodo lol :eek:
 
PVC said:
Ruthanne, did you ever meet that guy you were thinking of meeting back in August sometime? How did it go? Just curious, if you don't mind.
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No I haven't met him @PVC He stopped chatting with me and I thought he lost interest because I wasn't wanting to meet right away. I wanted to chat some to get to know him. But all of a sudden yesterday he wrote to me and told me he is feeling better now after falling and hitting his head. I'll see if he writes back.
 
Ronni said:
I’ve dated several men I’ve met online at dating sites. By the time it got to meeting them in person we’d been chatting online/thru email/in text and on the phone for several weeks. The men who weren’t interested in that kind of getting-to-know-each-other runway weren’t worth my time.

I enjoyed my relationships with each of these men. We ended things for a variety of reasons but I’m still friends with the ones who are still alive

Keep going Ruth. There are plenty of worthwhile men out there, searching just like you for the right fit. It’s unfortunate that you have to wade through so much crap but persistence will pay off in the end!!
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You're so right @Ronni Sometimes I've taken breaks from it.
 
Ruthanne said:
I was chatting with a man at a dating site and I guess I took too long, in his opinion, to try to get to know him. He quit chatting with me. I find many of the guys who contact me want to go off the site right away. The site warns not to do go off the site with the person too quickly.

So, now I am chatting with 3 other guys there trying to get to know them and decide if I want to meet any of them.

I want to meet someone but am not desperate and do okay on my own, too.

Is anyone else dating or trying to date at this age?
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I am never going to stop dating. I like men. I like being around men. I'm a pretty good judge of character and if I feel as if I can trust someone I'll most definitely spend time with them. Just because I'm aging doesn't mean that I am done with men. Never!
 
A males point of view - I'm 61 and have used internet dating. I agree with exchanging several messages before meeting. Many people don't like the messaging thing but for me it does help identify certain traits that are show stoppers.

Many females are looking for a free meal with no commitment while many of the males are just looking for sex. This destroys the trust between those that are truly looking for a person to spend time with. I respect a lady that offers to pay her share on the first or second date and after a few dates she asks me out and makes all the plans and picks up the tab...a home cooked meal shows me she's serious. It's not that I'm cheap but that we both are working towards something.

In many ways the sex issue hasn't changed much since college. The men still want it right away while the female would like to know she has more value than sex. The downside to this is the females that are looking for free meals; the guy takes his time to plan a date and spends his money but when the relationship arrives at the sex or no sex point she gives you the "I like you as a friend" line. I don't mind spending time and money but if I wanted to hang out with a friend it would be with my buddies that pay their own way.

I have dated individuals that discuss every aspect of a date with their daughters or girlfriends. They then bring those points of view back to our next date and question why I did or didn't do something. I feel like I need to impress several people instead of just one and I'm being judged on material things instead of my values and qualities.

I know ladies that will have two or three female friends on the same dating site and make a play for the same guy. They then discuss how he responds and begin to play games with him.

My bottom line is the online dating is bad for older people that are true and honest. The sites are for deceitful people who are trolling for easy targets. This has shown me the negative side dating and it's taken the fun and trust away from it.

Gary
 
Gary, I understand what you're saying but this isn't true of all who are on dating sites. I'm self sufficient and I find men who are looking for me to pay. Not going to happen on first date. I'll leave the tip but that's it.

Sex? I'm all for it.

I was on dating sites for decades and got pretty good at filtering out those who were misfits, for me, or downright bad guys.

I feel like I'm maybe a bit old to be on sites like that now but that doesn't stop me from looking.

Happy hunting. Ouch! That didn't sound good.
 
Again, I had given up on this site due to the doom and gloom lack of optimism of some responders. Those folks, for their reasons, don’t want to accept that people over 60, 70, 80 can and do find other loving relationships and those relationships are no less joyful and blissful than those made at any other age.

When my wife of 53 years and I retired to Florida, we found a large portion of the retiree population got off their butts and dated, socialized frequently and even enjoyed that horrible activity SEX 😊 A common life theme here is “we’re going to die soon, let’s decide to be happy”.
 
Ruthanne said:
I was chatting with a man at a dating site and I guess I took too long, in his opinion, to try to get to know him. He quit chatting with me. I find many of the guys who contact me want to go off the site right away. The site warns not to do go off the site with the person too quickly.

So, now I am chatting with 3 other guys there trying to get to know them and decide if I want to meet any of them.

I want to meet someone but am not desperate and do okay on my own, too.

Is anyone else dating or trying to date at this age?
Click to expand...
No, but I am desperate to find a legit site...with legit folks...I also, because of privacy and security reasons - I too would prefer to be off of a dating (surveillance ) site because of the privacy issues...much private chit chat- fiction or not goes on and right into everyone one in the world that you would prefer not to have your information- and we voluntarily give it to them...they then steal it.

no matter, they have it and for no good reasons... and, as aside, I would much prefer to talk on the voip phone or cam skype than try to convey nuances by text..-

seems there are a lot of seniors that could use the social contact- politics religion family issues aside..but where? same neighborhood, town, county, state !--church? maybe? churches need money? casinos maybe? smoke , booze and not very bright folks -senior centers? gossip etc..bars hahha worse.--so, meetup hook up site then phone for me then go from there make any sense to anyone or I am to george carlin?-

I am betting lots of comments ...none new or original or useful- but thanks- good day for all- healthy warm fed and safe here...so alone has its perks..happy friday
 
I was divorced for 21 years, before I met my wife. I absolutely hated being single, did meet a number of ladies, including one online, before my wife, but none had the interests that I had. Then, in March 2000, I placed a Personal Ad in a local magazine, telling the truth about my looks/age and what I liked. We met and the following March we were married. Here it is 2020 and getting ready to celebrate 19 years of marriage this coming March.
 
My husband and I met on a matchmaking site. Actually, I only put my profile up on a dare from a friend. LOL Hubs messaged me and then wouldn't go away no matter how much I tried to make him. :ROFLMAO: I would just encourage you to be careful. Always meet in a public place for awhile. Also, you can google the person if you have their full name and see if anything unsavory pops up.
 

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