Conversations with my husband, yes, he really says stuff like this, and my various mishaps
- Thread starter Aneeda72
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Aneeda72
Well-known Member
Yup.
Aneeda72
Well-known Member
Thanks and I am short, getting shorter all the time. Who knew first you grew up and then you sink down.Thanks for the laugh(s), Aneeda! You are a marveous writer!
And I especially like your phrase "I'm short for my weight." I'll have to remember that one!
you thru the wrong thing away lolI disagree. He normally doesn’t eat jelly beans, he was eating them because they were mine. He keeps his candy in his room so I can’t have any of it. When we moved into this house we each got a cupboard for our private not to be shared food. He filled his and then put his coffee, which he didn’t have room for, in my cupboard. I don’t drink coffee.
He is terribly jealous of anything I have, it’s so strange. He’s always been that way, and has gotten worst over the years. Good thing I don’t wear dresses.
Knight
Well-known Member
Aneeda72
The continuing explanations helps me understand the why of your hanging on. Adapting to a life situation that works for you is all that matters. Like others I'm seeing the humor you put into your posts & is good to read. I hope you are able to keep the kind of uplifting spirit you show in your posts.
The continuing explanations helps me understand the why of your hanging on. Adapting to a life situation that works for you is all that matters. Like others I'm seeing the humor you put into your posts & is good to read. I hope you are able to keep the kind of uplifting spirit you show in your posts.
The conversation was about food. You said you had your own cupboards of food, which you then denied and I said I can’t relate to that because my husband always puts me first which doesn’t mean he always comes second because I always put him first also. That’s where the ‘mutual loving relationship comes in so nobody ever plays second fiddle and while I’m not as old as you, I’ve never in my life considered this a bad thing nor have I ever heard any other couples with mutually loving relationships suggest otherwise either. You are the first person I’ve ever met in my life who considers a mutual loving relationship a bad thing.
I’ve never demanded to be put first nor has he ever demanded to be put first. That’s just the way a mutually loving relationship is. Not once did I suggest leaving. Not once did I suggest you live in a cave. Once again, we were discussing food since that’s what ‘this’ particular argument was about.
That’s all I touched on. It’s only now that you’ve brought up the fact that your husband has ptsd that he suffers from. This wasn’t mentioned before and not once have I ever whined and complained about my lack of freedom or that I have to wear a mask. For the record I haven’t once whined and complained about the virus or pandemic. Another topic you’ve thrown in. Once again, our conversation was about ‘food,’ but since it was brought up, I’ll have you know that my man served in the military for years also and I most certainly don’t take my freedoms for granted.
My conversation with you was about food. That’s all I was discussing. These other topics you brought up after the fact. Your last paragraph you state you want an equal relationship. Well that’s what my husband and I have. That’s what most couples want which is what I was discussing with you; even said you deserved it , which got taken as a bad thing.
I refuse to feel bad for having a mutually loving relationship with my spouse where we are viewed as equal. Its what you are longing for and I wish you the best in achieving it but have no suggestions how to reach that.
Aneeda72
Well-known Member
Keesha I am not just responding to you. I said that. Why would you think I was just responding to you when other people wrote other things. Since you read the posts, I guessed you would notice this.
No place did I say I thought a mutually loving relationship was bad. Nor did I say I wanted that type of relationship. In fact I think I said I didn’t even know what you meant by that. I still don’t. You and I have two different types of marriages. We can not compare them! Mine involves 4 disabled now adult children.
The experiences I’ve had and the stresses in my marriage are completely unknown to you. You don’t have children. You don’t have disabled children. You don’t have 3 children that died, one that was found in his crib, early in the morning, by his dad, my husband. And the thread is about my husbands odd behavior which involves food issues.
Children change a marriage and the people in it. It divides the loyalty of oldest adults. Thus Ronni’s and Ron”s issues. They love each other deeply and are trying to figure it out. Just because “love” is involved, that doesn’t mean a relationship can be successful.
As for military service, yup, I was in the army as well. But I didn’t slog through a jungle and try to kill someone who was trying to kill me. I tried to kill my typewriter, but they didn’t let me have a gun.
.It’s not about you.
I was making a point that my current husband was not a terrible person. That has nothing to do with your husband, and in fact, since you are in Canada and I’m in the US nothing I wrote effects anything your husband has ever done. I never brought your husband up. Why did you?
I responded directly to what you were discussing.The first part was about the separate food cupboards which you wrote about. When I brought it up you told me I was confused however I showed you the post.Keesha I am not just responding to you. I said that. Why would you think I was just responding to you when other people wrote other things. Since you read the posts, I guessed you would notice this.
No place did I say I thought a mutually loving relationship was bad. Nor did I say I wanted that type of relationship. In fact I think I said I didn’t even know what you meant by that. I still don’t. You and I have two different types of marriages. We can not compare them! Mine involves 4 disabled now adult children.
The experiences I’ve had and the stresses in my marriage are completely unknown to you. You don’t have children. You don’t have disabled children. You don’t have 3 children that died, one that was found in his crib, early in the morning, by his dad, my husband. And the thread is about my husbands odd behavior which involves food issues.
Children change a marriage and the people in it. It divides the loyalty of oldest adults. Thus Ronni’s and Ron”s issues. They love each other deeply and are trying to figure it out. Just because “love” is involved, that doesn’t mean a relationship can be successful.
As for military service, yup, I was in the army as well. But I didn’t slog through a jungle and try to kill someone who was trying to kill me. I tried to kill my typewriter, but they didn’t let me have a gun.
It’s not about you.
I was making a point that my current husband was not a terrible person. That has nothing to do with your husband, and in fact, since you are in Canada and I’m in the US nothing I wrote effects anything your husband has ever done. I never brought your husband up. Why did you?
I wrote that I can’t relate to that. Clearly not a smart thing to say so yes I brought my husband into it because he is my significant other. You criticized the relationship saying that if someone puts me first then that person is always second so I stated that in a mutually loving relationship each person puts the other person first so how can that be unfair.
Now you come back with why I even mentioned my husband. It’s because of the post you wrote below. You DID bring it up. That part I’m not confused about.
The only thing I first wrote about was about the food which I regret talking about. The only reference I can think about is from my own life experience and the relationship I’m in. That doesn’t mean the relationship is perfect and without fault or that we don’t fight and bicker at times. We do.
That was my attempt to try and connect with you to the best of my ability. No I haven’t had children. No I haven’t had to deal with disabled children. No I haven’t had to deal with a man suffering from ptsd. All I was commenting on with the food thing, not all the other stuff. I never said ‘you’ should come first. My main message was to work it out amongst you. Maybe make a chicken dinner together. You didn’t like that suggestion either. How about white cake?
I’m not good at connecting with others. Never have been but I still try. My intention wasn’t to belittle you or make you feel bad . My intention was to offer support but I’m clearly not good at that either. Like yourself I have my own issues and unfortunately these issues interfere with proper communication so on that note I’ll end trying to do this communication thing.
Take care Aneeda.
Ronni
Well-known Member
- Location
- Nashville TN
Hmm, he has sabotaged me in the past to make himself look better, but the need for that kind of activity is long gone. As you get older and family and friends fade away, for various reasons, and sabotage goes away. No one around to look better for. We just moved and then the virus hit.
When he started changing, about five years ago, with the name thing, there were issues. What’s interesting is my little guy, with DS, notices the changes as well. He will tell his dad not to speak to me that way, to respect me, she’s your wife, be nice, etc. Disabled people get a lot of input on how to conduct relationships.
So that’s another change, Ronni, he’s become more public with his comments which have made me more public with mine. I am very reactive. OMGosh, we are becoming THOSE people.
One of my favorite sayings is "Don't let your reaction become your response." From what you've related here, it sounds like you don't do that...you don't respond just from reactivity. Because of my own past, I am very supportive of people who refuse to be punching bags. I was one too. I won't do that any more, and so sometimes my responses are more aggressive or challenging than would be considered normal.
But see, notice I said responses, because they are responses and NOT reactions. Even if they're a bit aggressive, they're still responses. My reactions might be out the frigging roof, but I most always recognize that I've been triggered and so I just won't respond till I'm a little more balanced. MY go-to is "I'm not going to have this conversation right now" which is code for STOP TALKING OR I WILL EXPLODE! I only had to explain that to Ron once thankfully. He is good at giving me space when I need it.
Sorry...wasn't meaning to make this about me. My point is that just because you respond aggressively (I don't know if you are or not,) it doesn't mean you're being reactive. You may be in complete control of your response, it's just a harsh one because that's what you feel the situation calls for.
OK, so not afraid, just uncomfortable. That's still a red flag, y'know? Or at least a very pink one. He's gotten worse in the last 5 years, by your statement, there is some kind of change, behavioral or personality-wise, even your son has noticed it so you know it's not just you.
I don't know what resources you have available to you, but I would encourage you to give this some serious thought and see what is available to you in terms of .... I'm not even sure what? I guess encouraging him to get some kind of new evaluation, get him to see a doctor for an exam (potential physical causes for his changed behavior) or at least to get a sense of what other options may be available to you.
He's escalating Aneeda. That much is obvious. I worry for you, and for the child(ren?) you have living with you.
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A friend of ours used to tell her husband (also a friend) "If you want to argue you right ahead and look up your ex-wife, as this Texas gal you're married to now don't argue!"...lol.Yes, in an ideal world that would be how it works, but it doesn’t. I have no control over what he does. He is a grown man. I am not his mother. But, yes, I now take the easy road. He can do as he likes for the most part. As long as I can do as I like as well.
Any attempt to “control” him results in emotional abuse. Always has, always will. It just is not worth it anymore. It’s not a question of what is better, or who deserves better. I am no great shakes myself. I give as good as I get.
It’s a question of getting through what remains of my life in the best way possible for me.
His need to argue over ever little thing drives me crazy and I refused to do it. i hold up my hand, tell him to stop, and refuse to listen or engage. If he wants to eat himself to death that is his choice, I am not the food police. If he wants me to leave his cereal alone fine. But, the oddness of his behavior is, lol, odd.
As for me, do I have food issues, yes. But I don’t over eat, ever. Could not over eat if I wanted too. I have a terrible weakness for sugar. Not chocolate. Just sweet. I don’t eat well, there are so many foods I can’t eat. A couple of months ago my doctor told me that I should probably switch to baby food. It was time.
OH MY Gosh, I refused. She said the time was coming. I have to face facts. No, no I don’t. The fact is, I am, as all of us are, dying. Just doing it a bit faster perhaps than some others and I’d like to do it in peace. Not concerned about why, all of a sudden, he has to eat jelly beans.
As for the chicken, lol, it’s just an example of his continuing strangeness over food. And no, I’m not buying and cooking a chicken.
Understanding anyones situation is impossible. You are only hearing my side.
I eat mostly canned meats, digestible. Hot dogs. Very few veggies. Eggs, cheese. Too much bread. Bread is a downfall. Ice cream when my stomach hurts to much. It is what it is. No holding hands on the front porch sharing jelly beans.
Aneeda72
Well-known Member
Just us at home now.
Yup, whatever is wrong is escalating, but I talked to his doctor about it, to my doctor, did the testing, so I just watch, give him his space, and agree as much as possible with what he wants. Nothing else I can do.
Aneeda72
Well-known Member
I have asked to have this thread moved here, and it was, so thanks to the moderator.
I was writing something, on another thread, and realized the person had totally misunderstood what I wrote. I decided I would vent her about my husband, and keep track of his oddness here as well. Also, make some clarifications, for anyone reading this thread.
For the first time, I am going to request that people keep their negative unhelpful responses to themselves. Helpful responses are, of course, welcome. Why am I willing to share this information?
While most people here seem to have perfect marriage, some don’t. Or maybe someone has a friend of relative whose husband is “loosing it”, or maybe, like me, there a way to measure what is normal behavior and what it getting out of hand.
Husband and I have been married over 48 years. I love my husband. Our relationship has become very complicated. Honestly, I often can’t stand to be around him because of the way he treats me. I often dislike him greatly because of the way he treats me.
I often say I stay because I can’t afford a divorce. I stay for his money, his paycheck, as I have only 800 a month from social security. It amazes me that no one realizes that also I stay because leaving would not only make me extremely poor, but it would make him poor.
He does not want me to leave for a variety of reasons. Money, of course, is only part of the issue, but it’s an important part. By staying, we both can maintain a decent standard level of living. He is, mentally ill, and dealing with his declining behavior is hard. I begin to think while it is not Alzheimer’s, it is certainly some kind of dementia.
But, I have hit on a new plan and have started it today. We shall see. So far he does not like it, and he’s a bit angry, but too darn bad. It does seem to be working though.
I was writing something, on another thread, and realized the person had totally misunderstood what I wrote. I decided I would vent her about my husband, and keep track of his oddness here as well. Also, make some clarifications, for anyone reading this thread.
For the first time, I am going to request that people keep their negative unhelpful responses to themselves. Helpful responses are, of course, welcome. Why am I willing to share this information?
While most people here seem to have perfect marriage, some don’t. Or maybe someone has a friend of relative whose husband is “loosing it”, or maybe, like me, there a way to measure what is normal behavior and what it getting out of hand.
Husband and I have been married over 48 years. I love my husband. Our relationship has become very complicated. Honestly, I often can’t stand to be around him because of the way he treats me. I often dislike him greatly because of the way he treats me.
I often say I stay because I can’t afford a divorce. I stay for his money, his paycheck, as I have only 800 a month from social security. It amazes me that no one realizes that also I stay because leaving would not only make me extremely poor, but it would make him poor.
He does not want me to leave for a variety of reasons. Money, of course, is only part of the issue, but it’s an important part. By staying, we both can maintain a decent standard level of living. He is, mentally ill, and dealing with his declining behavior is hard. I begin to think while it is not Alzheimer’s, it is certainly some kind of dementia.
But, I have hit on a new plan and have started it today. We shall see. So far he does not like it, and he’s a bit angry, but too darn bad. It does seem to be working though.
Hugs to you, Aneeda.
I don't envy the situation you're in, but I commend you for sticking it out, and your husband needs you more than anything now.
In all my days, I've never met any couple that shared a perfect marriage, and my marriage is no different. I see nothing as ever being perfect.
I also know what it's like to be tight financially, though since we paid our mortgage off, life has become much easier.
I don't envy the situation you're in, but I commend you for sticking it out, and your husband needs you more than anything now.
In all my days, I've never met any couple that shared a perfect marriage, and my marriage is no different. I see nothing as ever being perfect.
I also know what it's like to be tight financially, though since we paid our mortgage off, life has become much easier.
sadie123
Member
- Location
- Central Coast, California
Aneeda
I see that you have a complicated life. I am sure you are doing your best to make correct choices for you and your family. Best of luck!
I see that you have a complicated life. I am sure you are doing your best to make correct choices for you and your family. Best of luck!
Judycat
Well-known Member
- Location
- Pennsylvania
I noticed a decline in my husband's behavior after he was put on a highest dose of anti-cholesterol medication. He became odd to the point that I didn't know either whether I could stand to live with him much longer. Having him go off the medication was out of the question according to the doctors. He wasn't wrapped too tight to begin with, but he was definitely more paranoid on that stuff. Ah what can ya do. I know. I know.
Ronni
Well-known Member
- Location
- Nashville TN
You mentioned you had a new plan that he’s not real pleased about but too bad. Can you elaborate on that a little bit?
Aneeda72
Well-known Member
Sure, Ronnie. But first how I deal with a major issue.
It is hard for anyone to understand how complicated my husband is and how hard it is to explain. He is a pathological liar. This is part of the issue. I was many years into the marriage before I realized this. He always must be right, and you must always believe he is right. Because he is always right. Plus he likes to play mind games, and he likes to upset me.
This, needing to be right, led to a great many arguments as I tried to force him to see that not only was he lying to me, but he was wrong. Caused a great deal of heartache for me, and frustration, and I got no where. Then, one day we went to Subway.
One of the days I could not walk much so he went in. He brought the sandwiches out, I took mine, and it had no mustard. Now, he always jokes that I like a little hog dog with my mustard. He knows I want mustard on a sandwich. i always remind him, get mustard.
No mustard. Why no mustard, I ask. They were out, he says.
I know they are not out. So I say, why are you lying? They can not be out of mustard. Yes, they are out. Then he elaborated, they ran out, they don’t get any in, and they can’t spare the time to go anywhere and get some.
He just digs himself deeper and deeper. Finally, when he’s done I say, the store is right next to a grocery store. You are telling me that someone can not go next door to the grocery store and buy mustard. Yes, he says.
Hmm.
So I say to him, if I go I to the subway and ask for mustard will they still be out. No, he says. Try having conversations, like this, a billion plus times. Try going in the store, getting the mustard, bringing it out, showing it to him, and having him saying “oh, good, they found some, cause they didn’t have any when I was there“.
How do I live with his never ending lies, not very well, still. But now, when he starts, I tell him to shut up, or don't start, or I repeat the many excuses that he gives, for not doing something, until he shuts up. Now when he starts his whining that I don’t understand and I never believe him, and I never listen to him and why don’t I believe him.
I tell him, I listen, and I don’t believe you, cause you lie. You are lying now. Every now and then I end up in a back and forth, but not very often. I’m just, your lying, end of conversation.
It is hard for anyone to understand how complicated my husband is and how hard it is to explain. He is a pathological liar. This is part of the issue. I was many years into the marriage before I realized this. He always must be right, and you must always believe he is right. Because he is always right. Plus he likes to play mind games, and he likes to upset me.
This, needing to be right, led to a great many arguments as I tried to force him to see that not only was he lying to me, but he was wrong. Caused a great deal of heartache for me, and frustration, and I got no where. Then, one day we went to Subway.
One of the days I could not walk much so he went in. He brought the sandwiches out, I took mine, and it had no mustard. Now, he always jokes that I like a little hog dog with my mustard. He knows I want mustard on a sandwich. i always remind him, get mustard.
No mustard. Why no mustard, I ask. They were out, he says.
I know they are not out. So I say, why are you lying? They can not be out of mustard. Yes, they are out. Then he elaborated, they ran out, they don’t get any in, and they can’t spare the time to go anywhere and get some.He just digs himself deeper and deeper. Finally, when he’s done I say, the store is right next to a grocery store. You are telling me that someone can not go next door to the grocery store and buy mustard. Yes, he says.
Hmm.
So I say to him, if I go I to the subway and ask for mustard will they still be out. No, he says. Try having conversations, like this, a billion plus times. Try going in the store, getting the mustard, bringing it out, showing it to him, and having him saying “oh, good, they found some, cause they didn’t have any when I was there“.
How do I live with his never ending lies, not very well, still. But now, when he starts, I tell him to shut up, or don't start, or I repeat the many excuses that he gives, for not doing something, until he shuts up. Now when he starts his whining that I don’t understand and I never believe him, and I never listen to him and why don’t I believe him.
I tell him, I listen, and I don’t believe you, cause you lie. You are lying now. Every now and then I end up in a back and forth, but not very often. I’m just, your lying, end of conversation.
Aneeda72
Well-known Member
So when I ask him to do something his responses for not getting it done are: I didn’t hear you (his number one lie); I did not understand what you said; I missed hearing-the critical word, I will do that after I do this. Course he doesn’t. And a million other excuses.
Yesterday, I told him to put a board in a certain place on the yard. Took him out, showed him where I wanted it, made sure he knew exactly what I wanted. This morning I look out the window, and he has started work in the wrong place and destroyed 3 hours of the work I did in the garden yesterday. Told him to just go in the house, just go.
And yes, he was aware of my project, he watched me do it. I throughly explained it to him yesterday. I am trying to prevent water draining onto the sidewalk and still seeing that my baby $6 Russian sage still gets water. I asked him why he was destroying 3 hours of my work.
His reply, Oh, don’t you want it here? Games he loves to play games.
So, in order to make sure he hears me, and he does have a SLIGHT hearing loss, I am having him stand 2/3 feet in front of me when we talk. I notice he often turns away from me when I talk. In fact, sometimes he will turn around and walk away. As if I finished, and I have not.
I have seen him, lately, do this with other people as well. Clearly, it’s a focus problem or cognitive problem. Today, when I was talking to him, if he turned his head away, or looked down, or presented any type of avoidance behavior, I cupped my hand under his chin and gently got his attention back to me and the conversation again. (As I used to do with my DS son when he was young.)
When we were done, I asked him if he had any questions. This treatment has made him angry, but it’s less frustrating for me so there you go.
Next, if I ask him to do something he puts it off, which means I nag nag nag and it still never gets done. His excuse, I forgot. Testing showed his memory is extremely good. I’ve decided that when I want him to do something he will do it right then while I watch. This also makes him angry and results in a lot of “dirty” childish looks. But i get those looks anyway.
When I asked him to go to the store, I made a list of what we needed, he asked did I want a drying rack for the dishes. Game playing. He wants to set me off because he knows the dryer is broken. He knows he could not put together the drying rack I got from amazon yesterday.
He knows we went to kohl’s and returned the rack. (I learned how to download an app, scan the return code from amazon, and delete the app before I got charged for the app. YAY, me,.). So he knows I want a clothes rack not a dish rack. But I merely took the list, wrote for clothes, and handed it back.
My doctor has said repeatedly, I need to learn how to deal with him, cause he’s never changing-at least not for the better. It’s a lot of work on my part, time will tell if I can keep it up.
Yesterday, I told him to put a board in a certain place on the yard. Took him out, showed him where I wanted it, made sure he knew exactly what I wanted. This morning I look out the window, and he has started work in the wrong place and destroyed 3 hours of the work I did in the garden yesterday. Told him to just go in the house, just go.
And yes, he was aware of my project, he watched me do it. I throughly explained it to him yesterday. I am trying to prevent water draining onto the sidewalk and still seeing that my baby $6 Russian sage still gets water. I asked him why he was destroying 3 hours of my work.
His reply, Oh, don’t you want it here? Games he loves to play games.
So, in order to make sure he hears me, and he does have a SLIGHT hearing loss, I am having him stand 2/3 feet in front of me when we talk. I notice he often turns away from me when I talk. In fact, sometimes he will turn around and walk away. As if I finished, and I have not.
I have seen him, lately, do this with other people as well. Clearly, it’s a focus problem or cognitive problem. Today, when I was talking to him, if he turned his head away, or looked down, or presented any type of avoidance behavior, I cupped my hand under his chin and gently got his attention back to me and the conversation again. (As I used to do with my DS son when he was young.)
When we were done, I asked him if he had any questions. This treatment has made him angry, but it’s less frustrating for me so there you go.
Next, if I ask him to do something he puts it off, which means I nag nag nag and it still never gets done. His excuse, I forgot. Testing showed his memory is extremely good. I’ve decided that when I want him to do something he will do it right then while I watch. This also makes him angry and results in a lot of “dirty” childish looks. But i get those looks anyway.
When I asked him to go to the store, I made a list of what we needed, he asked did I want a drying rack for the dishes. Game playing. He wants to set me off because he knows the dryer is broken. He knows he could not put together the drying rack I got from amazon yesterday.
He knows we went to kohl’s and returned the rack. (I learned how to download an app, scan the return code from amazon, and delete the app before I got charged for the app. YAY, me,
.). So he knows I want a clothes rack not a dish rack. But I merely took the list, wrote for clothes, and handed it back.My doctor has said repeatedly, I need to learn how to deal with him, cause he’s never changing-at least not for the better. It’s a lot of work on my part, time will tell if I can keep it up.
Aneeda72
Well-known Member
Yup, that’s what the testing I made him do a couple of years ago showed.
Treacle
Senior Member
- Location
- Swindon Wiltshire UK
@Aneeda72
I have lived with someone for 15years. It has not been an easy realationship because of his temper/anger etc. He was sent to boarding school and I think he felt rejected by his mother who attempted to make up for it in later life but when she met me she said 'I thought I'd handed him over to you' (He was 43 plus then). I think she hoped he would eventually make something of his life. There is Alzheimers in the family, his uncle and mother had the 'disease'. He has mood changes and I report back to my friend to let her know that we are in 'normal' phase or I will phone her if he goes into one of his 'outbursts' which would not make any sense to others. My friend is my monitor in case something seriously goes wrong. I am stuck financially, but there is a part of me that does actually care for him despite what he has done to me. It is his house and,he often tells me he wants me to go and when I say i'm going he doesn't like it. I have developed a coping strategy by staying out of his way when he's 'in one'. I believe the Alzheimers is starting to show itself. He does forget things ( we all do that) but the mood swings are greater, decision making fluctuates, he says one thing and then changes him mind and then changes again. He also says I have said things to him which I clearly did not. The point is Aneeda look to yourself to find a strategy to cope. I hope I am not seeming unconnected emotionally , but I think I am dealing with something similar and I would say in my case it is the start of Alzheimers / Dementia'. Try to find a way YOU can cope - it's not easy.
Don't know if I'm making sense. 
Bless you and Take good care of Yourself.
I have lived with someone for 15years. It has not been an easy realationship because of his temper/anger etc. He was sent to boarding school and I think he felt rejected by his mother who attempted to make up for it in later life but when she met me she said 'I thought I'd handed him over to you' (He was 43 plus then). I think she hoped he would eventually make something of his life. There is Alzheimers in the family, his uncle and mother had the 'disease'. He has mood changes and I report back to my friend to let her know that we are in 'normal' phase or I will phone her if he goes into one of his 'outbursts' which would not make any sense to others. My friend is my monitor in case something seriously goes wrong. I am stuck financially, but there is a part of me that does actually care for him despite what he has done to me. It is his house and,he often tells me he wants me to go and when I say i'm going he doesn't like it. I have developed a coping strategy by staying out of his way when he's 'in one'. I believe the Alzheimers is starting to show itself. He does forget things ( we all do that) but the mood swings are greater, decision making fluctuates, he says one thing and then changes him mind and then changes again. He also says I have said things to him which I clearly did not. The point is Aneeda look to yourself to find a strategy to cope. I hope I am not seeming unconnected emotionally , but I think I am dealing with something similar and I would say in my case it is the start of Alzheimers / Dementia'. Try to find a way YOU can cope - it's not easy.
Don't know if I'm making sense. Bless you and Take good care of Yourself.
Aneeda72
Well-known Member
Nope and a few years back I made him get rid of the bayonet (huge knife) from his marine corps days. I saw him getting worst and I’m not stupid.