Finding Love in the Era of Covid

Murrmurr said:
Actually, her income is quite a bit better than mine. I can see it would be pretty convenient for her if I moved in her place or her in mine, but honestly, I like my place, like my space and my alone time, plus my former foster son sometimes spends weekends with me and my 2 youngest grandkids stay up to a week a couple times a month and there's certain things we like to do; watch off the wall movies and stuff. So, nah. And yes, it moved too fast.

I like Michelle really a LOT, I just don't want to live with her.
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oh goodness me you've barely just met, I wonder what her rush is ?.... If I were you I would stick to my guns.. and just wait until she's had a think and her feelings aren't bruised...
 

That you like living alone should tell her something my friend. You, smartly, are moving cautiously. It's only a short time that you've known one another and even though you've talked and talked about your likes, dislikes, etc. and are obviously great in bed, it still could turn out badly to make a commitment so soon. Give it time. If she really cares, it will work out. But if it's just the sex she's after, she'll have another bed mate soon enough.
 

You might be overthinking this. Maybe she was in the bath or something and did not hear you. Maybe she was outside. Send No flowers-- it is too forward and suggests that you want forgiveness. Wait and call her. No text or visits.
Something very peculiar is going on from the start. If she flirted with you in an aggressive unladylike way to provoke you then she may have done so with others. Maybe she is teasing to get attention. Maybe she is looking for a free place to live for a while, someone to look after her. Be very cautious! Women accuse men of this, but the situation could be the reverse.
 
Murrmurr said:
Yeah, we really haven't known each other for very long so I was surprised she even brought it up. But in any case, I like living alone. Seems unreasonable for her to be angry at me for that.
Actually, the more I think about it the more I figure it worked out the way it was supposed to. Sure a bummer, tho.
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You deserve better Frank! That kind of drama so soon in a potential relationship? Not a good thing. Plus, wanting to move in and live with someone this early in the relationship, makes her sound like a teenager. Glad you were against that, you don't need any chains around your neck, a relationship for you should feel good and you should be respected and appreciated. Sometimes fate works in our favor, don't feel too bad. ;)
 
Having recently lost her job, maybe she was looking for a place to live. You were wise. Too much too soon.

Sorry to lose some of the romance but you are obviously a keeper (intelligent, kind, good hearted and single) and she had/has plans. Be very careful. She may not give up soon.
 
I would be very curious as to why a guy I was dating would want to move in with me a month after we started seeing one another.

In your case, I don't understand Michelle's rush. And if she did move in with you, would she quickly push to get married? This has red flags all around it. How much do you know about her background? How can you be certain that her income is higher than yours? Why is she uncomfortable living on her own?

The title of your post is "Finding Love in the Era of Covid". Have you and she exchanged "I love you"?
 
Leann said:
I would be very curious as to why a guy I was dating would want to move in with me a month after we started seeing one another.

In your case, I don't understand Michelle's rush. And if she did move in with you, would she quickly push to get married? This has red flags all around it. How much do you know about her background? How can you be certain that her income is higher than yours? Why is she uncomfortable living on her own?

The title of your post is "Finding Love in the Era of Covid". Have you and she exchanged "I love you"?
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We have.

She works and gets an annuity from FICA over her husband's death that isn't counted as income, which is partly why she can live here. And marriage is partly why I'm not open to living with her or anyone, bc yes, that seems like it would be the next step.
 
MarciKS said:
Are you divorced or just opposed to marriage or something else? (Answering is optional)
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Divorced a long time ago, 20+ years, and then my ex wife died about four months or so after the divorce in a car wreck. She was an alcoholic but not when I married her. She started drinking soon after our daughter was born (child #3) and started carousing soon after she started drinking. So, history/baggage, but I don't feel like that has to do with this situation. I stayed single for a really long time and I like it. I've had girlfriends who turned out to be complete A-holes so that probably has a lot to do with it.
 
Murrmurr said:
Divorced a long time ago, 20+ years, and then my ex wife died about four months or so after the divorce in a car wreck. She was an alcoholic but not when I married her. She started drinking soon after our daughter was born (child #3) and started carousing soon after she started drinking. So, history/baggage, but I don't feel like that has to do with this situation. I stayed single for a really long time and I like it. I've had girlfriends who turned out to be complete A-holes so that probably has a lot to do with it.
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I am twice divorced with a couple ahole boyfriends and I finally gave up. I figure if the good Lord wants me to be with someone it will happen. I haven't even been on a date in 20 yrs.
 
Lewkat said:
That you like living alone should tell her something my friend. You, smartly, are moving cautiously. It's only a short time that you've known one another and even though you've talked and talked about your likes, dislikes, etc. and are obviously great in bed, it still could turn out badly to make a commitment so soon. Give it time. If she really cares, it will work out. But if it's just the sex she's after, she'll have another bed mate soon enough.
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If it was just sex she's after I'd have it made. Except it felt like a great friendship too. That's why I'm kind of bowled over.
 
MarciKS said:
If someone wanted to move in with me after a month of dating that would be the last they'd see of me. I'd become a ghost.
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One of the things I wanna talk to her about is why the rush. I'm hoping we can come to an agreement to just keep things as they are. We only live 3 units away from each other. Personally, I think that's convenient enough. :p
 
Murrmurr said:
It’s insane but I recently discovered it can be done and in a lot of ways it’s actually better than it was in the pre-covid era.

I met Michelle at the mailboxes about a month ago. I was aware that she’d just moved into an apartment here 3 months before and so she was a relatively new resident but I’d not run into her yet, and we were both wearing masks which you don’t see everyone doing here, so when she walked up to the mailboxes that day I said hi, I’m Frank, and I asked if she liked it here okay and if she needed anything. She said she just needed one thing and then she sort of patted my bottom.

She explained (at some length, fortunately, bc I was struck dumb for a few minutes) that she was sitting at this table they have near the mailboxes where a lot of the ladies who live here sit to chat and she mentioned to them that I have a cute butt and the other ladies dared her to “go check it out” 😂 . So anyhow, she’s very cute and has a great smile, and she had the kahunas to touch my bottom, so my first impulse was to ask her out to dinner, right? Except I couldn’t bc it’s the Covid Era. So I thought of take-out and that we could eat at one of the picnic tables here so I asked her if she liked Chinese.

She likes Chinese, but to take a relationship beyond sitting outside 6 feet apart (bc you can’t eat through a mask) takes a lot of thought and planning and talking. We had to talk about the people we come into contact with. She lost her job due to covid, and I’m retired so neither of us have contact with fellow employees. She said she hasn’t dated since this thing started and you’re just stuck with believing that or not. We had to talk about the precautions we take, how we clean our apartments, where we do our laundry (the laundry rooms here get sanitized twice a day and I suppose that’s as good as it gets). And that was strange.

The next phase was to check out each other’s apartments via a brief tour; does it look and smell clean? We both got good marks there so we had a few more meals outside, appropriately distanced. So this went on for a while and during that phase there’s no kissing, no hugging or cuddling not even hand-holding, there’s just talking. Talking over meals, talking over the phone, talking on 6-ft apart lounge chairs out by my back door.

Three weeks later I felt like we’d known each other for years. I felt like I can trust her and I knew I liked her a lot and vice-versa. We’re pretty different but we have a lot of important things in common. Still, another week (so a whole month total) of “having to” get to know each other went by before we had actual physical contact and the waiting was actually very nice. Excellent, tbh. It felt kind of old-fashion but all this caution and waiting and creative effort was worth it, and it was kind of fun.
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Now that's how to truly get to know someone. Sounds like an old-fashion romance. Love it!!!! Wish you guys all the BEST!!
 
Murrmurr said:
Michelle is easy to get along with and she says I am too. I usually go to her place but she’s come to my place a few times too. We have dinner, chat and laugh, stay a night or two. She met Collin and they seem to really like each other, and she was totally cool with me not sleeping with her when he’s here. Everything’s been working out great. Until.

Last week she said we ought to move in together and I told her I don’t want to. She hasn’t text me since and hasn’t answered my texts. I went to her place today and she didn’t answer the door. Her car was in the lot.

This is a bummer. :(

Send flowers?
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If she is ready to move in..flowers may not help but worth a try.
 
Murrmurr said:
Divorced a long time ago, 20+ years, and then my ex wife died about four months or so after the divorce in a car wreck. She was an alcoholic but not when I married her. She started drinking soon after our daughter was born (child #3) and started carousing soon after she started drinking. So, history/baggage, but I don't feel like that has to do with this situation. I stayed single for a really long time and I like it. I've had girlfriends who turned out to be complete A-holes so that probably has a lot to do with it.
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Hopefully you will find someone special that will respect your boundaries. God forbid anything happen to my hubby..I would like a special friend..he has his place and I have mine. Would not want to live with anyone at this point in my life. FYI - You are a nice looking gentleman. I am sure you will find that special someone.
 
Ladybj said:
Hopefully you will find someone special that will respect your boundaries. God forbid anything happen to my hubby..I would like a special friend..he has his place and I have mine. Would not want to live with anyone at this point in my life. FYI - You are a nice looking gentleman. I am sure you will find that special someone.
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I know we're not alone in that way of thinking, that preference. During covid social restrictions it's almost impossible to meet people, but it won't last forever. Even if it does, we'll find ways.
 
This is an interesting story so I'll add my "2 cents" worth of wisdom. Of course, we are only getting 1/2 of the complete story. There are always 2 sides to every story. I wonder what her side would be? Anyway, I'm from the old school so I still believe that old fashioned dating is the way to go. Ya, Ya, I hear you! Old fashioned is out! It's no longer the cool thing to do. Nobody wants to wait for anything & everyone wants it NOW! Even the books on love, sex & romance for seniors keep telling us that the dating game has all changed now & most seniors who's spouse is gone or whatever have a hard time "getting into the dating game" again. I just want to make 2 points:

1. Dating allows you to get to know the real person you are interested in. Dating should be over an extended period & it should involve different activities. For example, men who want to "drag" you to the bedroom on the 1st date are a definite red flag. Men who ask you to marry them on the 1st or 2nd date are another red flag. They are desperate. Take my advice, run for the hills!
2. I'm a big believer in conversation, negotiation & compromise. You would be surprised what you can find out about the real person after a couple of glass of wine or 2 or 3 rums & cokes! After a few drinks your date might let the "cat out of the bag" about things that they might not want to say when completely sober. If you are an American, your rum is cheap; Canadians must consider it a "financial investment for a good return."

Apparently, the lady in this posting was not interested in long term dating. I know the "new woman" can be forward & aggressive but if she wants to move in ASAP before you know what baggage she is bringing along, you best to go to plan B. As that old song says, "There's more pretty girls than one." Also, keep in mind, "There's more fish in the sea where that one came from. Best of luck & I hope you find you "true love" or something pretty close to it. Remember, your never too old to find love.
 
Packerjohn said:
This is an interesting story so I'll add my "2 cents" worth of wisdom. Of course, we are only getting 1/2 of the complete story. There are always 2 sides to every story. I wonder what her side would be? Anyway, I'm from the old school so I still believe that old fashioned dating is the way to go. Ya, Ya, I hear you! Old fashioned is out! It's no longer the cool thing to do. Nobody wants to wait for anything & everyone wants it NOW! Even the books on love, sex & romance for seniors keep telling us that the dating game has all changed now & most seniors who's spouse is gone or whatever have a hard time "getting into the dating game" again. I just want to make 2 points:

1. Dating allows you to get to know the real person you are interested in. Dating should be over an extended period & it should involve different activities. For example, men who want to "drag" you to the bedroom on the 1st date are a definite red flag. Men who ask you to marry them on the 1st or 2nd date are another red flag. They are desperate. Take my advice, run for the hills!
2. I'm a big believer in conversation, negotiation & compromise. You would be surprised what you can find out about the real person after a couple of glass of wine or 2 or 3 rums & cokes! After a few drinks your date might let the "cat out of the bag" about things that they might not want to say when completely sober. If you are an American, your rum is cheap; Canadians must consider it a "financial investment for a good return."

Apparently, the lady in this posting was not interested in long term dating. I know the "new woman" can be forward & aggressive but if she wants to move in ASAP before you know what baggage she is bringing along, you best to go to plan B. As that old song says, "There's more pretty girls than one." Also, keep in mind, "There's more fish in the sea where that one came from. Best of luck & I hope you find you "true love" or something pretty close to it. Remember, your never too old to find love.
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One of the things that felt special about this relationship was that it did start slow. It had sort of an old-fashion feel because we social-distanced, and while distancing we had nothing much to do except talk. We did that for a few weeks or so and didn't get *closer* until we were both confident that it was safe. Part of the problem could be that she's only 38. I'm 65. We did talk about this (a lot), but she said the age gap wasn't an issue for her. It isn't for me, either because we do have a lot of interests in common and we were very comfortable with each other.

I sent her flowers today and will wait and see what happens.
 

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