Ronni
The motormouth ;)
- Location
- Nashville TN
Because I’ve spoken here a few times about being an abuse survivor, and also because I tend to get irritated when people minimize both the fact, and effects of emotional abuse on victims, I thought I’d start a thread about it to help educate those who aren’t informed.
Victims of Emotional Abuse
“While staying in an abusive relationship the victim uses coping strategies. These coping strategies tend to be self-protective in nature; they include denial, minimization, addictions, arguing, defensiveness, rationalization, compliance, detachment, and dissociation.
Because abusive behavior tends to be cyclical and inconsistent, the victim learns to wait it out over time. Victims learn to block out abusive events, which is much easier to do with emotional abuse because it is so elusive. The victim may not even realize abuse is happening.
Just like drug addiction or alcoholism is progressive disease, abuse is a progressive disease as well. This is not to say that emotional abuse will progress to physical abuse, but that the occurrences of abuse will increase, and the existence of chronic disrespect and even cruelty will become commonplace in the relationship. The relationship will end up being a system, where the abuser does whatever the hell he or she wants and the victims become programmed to cope with it in some way. Victims may comply, numb out, take anti-depressants, live in a detached state of being, pretend that everythings fine, etc. Sometimes in family systems you hear of the scapegoat, the golden child, the family mascot, etc. These are examples of how children can act out their unspoken hurts within their dysfunctional family system.
Victims are notorious for being conditioned to walk on eggshells in the relationship in order to try to prevent or minimize any future occurrences of upsetting the abuser; this rarely works, and when it does, its only temporary. But there is great damage caused to the person who does the walking on eggshells. Victims will slowly lose their sense of self because they are being continually conditioned to only focus outside of themselves. They have learned to be hyper-vigilant to the feelings and reactions of others and have stopped focusing on their own internal feelings. Their feelings and thoughts are invalidated so often that victims stop listening to their own inner voices. This causes victims to become personal shells of who they really are.
Victims also tend to be compassionate themselves and will offer empathy and forgiveness to their abusers, and will put the matter in the past each time an abusive event occurs. Usually, it is the victims strengths and assets that keep him or her in the relationship; traits such as, forgiveness, empathy, compassion, long-suffering, self-control, stick-to-it-iveness, loyalty, etc. While these are all awesome character traits, an abuser will use them to his or her advantage.”
Victims of Emotional Abuse
“While staying in an abusive relationship the victim uses coping strategies. These coping strategies tend to be self-protective in nature; they include denial, minimization, addictions, arguing, defensiveness, rationalization, compliance, detachment, and dissociation.
Because abusive behavior tends to be cyclical and inconsistent, the victim learns to wait it out over time. Victims learn to block out abusive events, which is much easier to do with emotional abuse because it is so elusive. The victim may not even realize abuse is happening.
Just like drug addiction or alcoholism is progressive disease, abuse is a progressive disease as well. This is not to say that emotional abuse will progress to physical abuse, but that the occurrences of abuse will increase, and the existence of chronic disrespect and even cruelty will become commonplace in the relationship. The relationship will end up being a system, where the abuser does whatever the hell he or she wants and the victims become programmed to cope with it in some way. Victims may comply, numb out, take anti-depressants, live in a detached state of being, pretend that everythings fine, etc. Sometimes in family systems you hear of the scapegoat, the golden child, the family mascot, etc. These are examples of how children can act out their unspoken hurts within their dysfunctional family system.
Victims are notorious for being conditioned to walk on eggshells in the relationship in order to try to prevent or minimize any future occurrences of upsetting the abuser; this rarely works, and when it does, its only temporary. But there is great damage caused to the person who does the walking on eggshells. Victims will slowly lose their sense of self because they are being continually conditioned to only focus outside of themselves. They have learned to be hyper-vigilant to the feelings and reactions of others and have stopped focusing on their own internal feelings. Their feelings and thoughts are invalidated so often that victims stop listening to their own inner voices. This causes victims to become personal shells of who they really are.
Victims also tend to be compassionate themselves and will offer empathy and forgiveness to their abusers, and will put the matter in the past each time an abusive event occurs. Usually, it is the victims strengths and assets that keep him or her in the relationship; traits such as, forgiveness, empathy, compassion, long-suffering, self-control, stick-to-it-iveness, loyalty, etc. While these are all awesome character traits, an abuser will use them to his or her advantage.”
Then sometimes he'd be jovial but make comments out of the side of his mouth. I loved the pleasantry when we had visitors.
, stings like a bee.
.. a little of my story has been told on this forum over the years. I've never gone into detail in any great length, and I won't today... but for the snippets I have told, people get to know enough of the type of life I've had, not just my childhood either... I have no intention of telling my tale here, it would take reams... and perhaps to many unbelievable...
