You shouldn't have to take this kind of rubbish...tell them to go fly a kite! There are other amazing things to do than over populating the world!
Inappropriate personal questions you’ve been asked?
- Thread starter Ronni
- Start date
When it was family members I had a hard time telling them to go fly a kite. They made it seem like it was my duty to supply offspring. With one family member in particular, it stuck with me and haunted me for years. In fact I even began to feel guilty about it. In hindsight I now realize it was selfish on their part to push their own agenda on me; especially something so personal. We are all allowed to create our life to suite us personally. The moment we start living our life for others, is the end of our freedom, liberty and self esteem.
tbeltrans
Senior Member
An issue with family that I have learned is that when growing up in a family, we all had some sort of role in that family. Even though we left home and went out on our own, and function as normal rational adults most of the time, when we go back to any family situation, we tend to be put back in those original roles either by family members or by ourselves. It never turns out well.
Tony
Very good points tbeltrans, especially we tend to be put back in those original roles either by family members or by ourselves. It never turns out well.
Somehow I missed your basic message in this but you’re right. Thank you for the reminder.
Last edited:
As someone childless not by choice, the inappropriate personal question I always hated was, "When are you going to have children?," later to become, "How many children do you have?" The assumption that anyone can have children who wants them does not apply to 18% of the population. Years later, the same type question has been posed to me as, "How many grandchildren do you have?" Personal and intrusive assumptions should not be made as they can be potentially hurtful. We are not all dealt the same cards in life, and a wound is never so old that it can't be reopened...
peramangkelder
Well-known Member
- Location
- Fleurieu Peninsula South Australia
peramangkelder
Well-known Member
- Location
- Fleurieu Peninsula South Australia
@Glowworm exactly right and my husband and I always say 'common sense' is the last great super power
At one place I worked, a married couple did the payroll, so they knew what everyone was paid. Their favorite question to me whenever I bought anything - even a new pair of sneakers - was "How much you pay for dat?" (They were Philippine). I loved chatting with them & their questions never annoyed me; I liked their accents & I had lots of fun entertaining them with my fake stories of wealth; it was fun seeing how excited they'd get.
Did he ask for phone numbers, too?
Well, maybe he wanted to find out if you were causing your back problems with too much....activity.Not these days, surely. At least in the US an employer can't ask about your religion.
I felt it was inappropriate for my back surgeon to ask me if I was sexually active. My expression must have spoken volumes because he rephrased the question: Would you characterize yourself as physically active?
Did he ask for phone numbers, too?
Last edited:
How about "Yes, I did kill people, but they were all nosy."
When I was married, I tried to fly a kite, but I didn't know why it wouldn't fly; it didn't have that tail on the end.
My wife came outside & said, "You need a piece of tail."
I said, "Make up your mind, woman. Last night you told me to go fly a kite."
officerripley
Well-known Member
- Location
- Porlock, Calif
Maybe, "Did you?"
peramangkelder
Well-known Member
- Location
- Fleurieu Peninsula South Australia
Wow!
You just made my day, Ruby!
I've always been really hard on myself for feeling bad that I can't write well, even though I try so hard, so getting a boost from yourself who writes and writes oh so very well, has me sitting on cloud-9 right now!
Thank you so kindly for your warm words.
As for wanting to write, for as long as I can remember I have had a dream to write children's books. Was a dream of mine long before I became a mother. I believe having a helping-hand in the care and upbringing of baby siblings set in motion my dream, because aside from the associated baby-care that surrounds little ones, I got to experience them play, have fun, witness their firsts (walking, talking, etc), and so always felt I could write to the point where children (and mothers alike) could easily associate with their own upbringings and childhood through my books and writing.
Problem is, I've always lacked confidence in myself
@Aunt Marg I am one of many forum members who thoroughly enjoys reading all your postsWow!
You just made my day, Ruby!
I've always been really hard on myself for feeling bad that I can't write well, even though I try so hard, so getting a boost from yourself who writes and writes oh so very well, has me sitting on cloud-9 right now!
Thank you so kindly for your warm words.
As for wanting to write, for as long as I can remember I have had a dream to write children's books. Was a dream of mine long before I became a mother. I believe having a helping-hand in the care and upbringing of baby siblings set in motion my dream, because aside from the associated baby-care that surrounds little ones, I got to experience them play, have fun, witness their firsts (walking, talking, etc), and so always felt I could write to the point where children (and mothers alike) could easily associate with their own upbringings and childhood through my books and writing.
Problem is, I've always lacked confidence in myself
So think on it....write down all your thoughts and collate them
I reckon you'll be pleasantly surprised
officerripley
Well-known Member
- Location
- Porlock, Calif
I happen to be childless by choice and I swear the next time somebody says, "Wow, you CHOSE not to have kids?! So you hate kids, huh?", I'm gonna reply, "No, not all kids; probably just yours."I was once asked how long I had been married (five years) and if I was childless by choice. I made some sort of non-committal reply hoping he would just back off, but it didn't deter him. He went on (at great length) to explain that if there was a medical reason for my not immediately producing offspring that was okay, but if not, well I was actually living in sin.
Awww... thank you so much for your ever so kind words, Peram, and your support!@Aunt Marg I am one of many forum members who thoroughly enjoys reading all your posts
So think on it....write down all your thoughts and collate them
I reckon you'll be pleasantly surprised
Have to say that you and Ruby, have definitely inspired me to think differently now.
officerripley
Well-known Member
- Location
- Porlock, Calif
Asked me many times by my sister when we were growing up: "Who the HELL cares what you think?!"
Or......"I didn't want kids because I was afraid they'd be like you."
Absolutely, if we strive to live our lives according to what others dictate, we are always going to be unfulfilled..
oldiebutgoody
Senior Member
When on a date the first question women often ask is "how much money do you make?"
When they learn they made more money than I did they would immediately lose all interest in me.
As a Hispanic who is college educated, I often went to business or suburban locations to seek work or to visit friends. I've been stopped by security guards or cops who demanded to know why I am in that part of town when I belonged in the ghetto. On several occasions security guards or cops would demand to inspect my carry bag but they would not do this to any white person entering a building or business.
On many occasions whenever I used a credit card to pay for groceries or anything else the cashier would demand ID to prove that the card was mine. Again, the cashiers would not make any such demands of white customers. Now with security cameras around where all proceedings are recorded you don't see this quite as much as in the past.
When they learn they made more money than I did they would immediately lose all interest in me.
As a Hispanic who is college educated, I often went to business or suburban locations to seek work or to visit friends. I've been stopped by security guards or cops who demanded to know why I am in that part of town when I belonged in the ghetto. On several occasions security guards or cops would demand to inspect my carry bag but they would not do this to any white person entering a building or business.
On many occasions whenever I used a credit card to pay for groceries or anything else the cashier would demand ID to prove that the card was mine. Again, the cashiers would not make any such demands of white customers. Now with security cameras around where all proceedings are recorded you don't see this quite as much as in the past.
oldiebutgoody
Senior Member
I forgot to include above a couple of other incidents in which someone demanded that I present a green card to prove I (a Hispanic) was qualified as a citizen or resident to work at a certain job despite speaking perfect English and presenting a superb resume'. On another occasion I applied either for a state ID or driving license, presented my birth certificate which was written in Spanish since I was born in Puerto Rico, and had to prove that we Puerto Ricans are American citizens in order to get that ID.
Or... not that anyone should ever feel obligated to answer some self-serving individuals pointed questioning, but how about, I chose not to have children, because I chose to exercise my individuality.
Or... I chose not to have children, because I wanted to approach life as a leader, not a follower. In other words, I didn't want to be like all the rest.
I appreciate your words more than you'll ever know, Keesha.
So you mean that it's quite OK to approach a total stranger and ask them personal questions like how much do they earn or as in my case by someone I'd never seen before can you have sex?
Once you get to know someone then you can ask personal questions but I and most others object to these kinds of questions being asked by total strangers
hollydolly
SF VIP
- Location
- London England
what's more Pera, that of the many people who demanded to know the answer , one of them was my ex M-I-L
Ruby Rose
Location: Canadian Prairies
Being asked over and over again whether you are having children or not (this being a personal matter between husband and wife)...if you will, is a form of abuse that has to be nipped in the bud even if it means losing a friendship which probably is not a friend...nosy Parker, more likely. Then again, if you have a sincere close friendship and this question is asked, I see no reason why you cannot reply and affirm your wishes that it is a closed subject.
Aneeda72
Well-known Member
I personally hate when someone says “I am sorry for your loss”. I didn’t lose my children, they died. Decades later, I still hate this saying.