Brother died no family

The money my brother left me from his accounts will not last that long and the house will need a new roof and the wiring is not up to code. My brother did tell me that they would only want the house for the land and location.

My sil has a small house and she said she Would add on an extended room for me.

His former boss from one job is a young girl and she thinks because I am 75 I should be in a retirement community so I can be cared for. So does his former major boss who is the executor. I am youthful and my health is pretty good. I feel awful because I feel that I am just their old person they want care for. It is a sickening situation. I miss my brother and now I will lose my family home.
 

The advice I got, when my husband died, was to not make any permanent decisions for at least one year because one is in shock that first year and can make some bad decisions. So many people sell their homes right after a spouse's death and then regret it. Tell the executor that you will make the decisions about your life. Your brother was not your guardian. The executor is just supposed to make sure your brother's will is settled. Not to take over your life.

If you can't handle the house on your own, you decide what to do about it and when.
 
I still recommend what has been suggested earlier in this thread.

You could contact any type of Senior Area Agency on Aging,
and every other possible local resource of information,
that might be able to direct you, to services that might help you with the cost and labor,
of the repairs your house needs,
so that you could possibly choose to stay in it.

It is possible that you might find some service or funding available in your area. Non-profits or government agencies.
Social services.... any possible leads, to see how you might stay there.
There is also help for paying for utilities and winterizing, in many places.
 
Do you know what the land is worth? Maybe it’s valuable and you’ll have enough to rent or buy a small apartment. Check that out on your own. Get three estimates from realtors. You don’t have to act immediately.

I’d definitely go slowly about putting any proceeds in with your former SIL unless your name is on the home too.
 
The ideas in this thread, might also help other people,
in addition to the original poster,

to come up with ideas, each of us, in their/our own situations.

There are times to make decisions, and times to delay making them.

There are times to stay in your home,

and there might also come a time
when we need, or are better off, to go through the difficult transitions of leaving it.

It is very difficult to reach out for help with either, but sometimes, we do need to at least try to see if help is available.
 
Tara said:
The money my brother left me from his accounts will not last that long and the house will need a new roof and the wiring is not up to code. My brother did tell me that they would only want the house for the land and location.

My sil has a small house and she said she Would add on an extended room for me.

His former boss from one job is a young girl and she thinks because I am 75 I should be in a retirement community so I can be cared for. So does his former major boss who is the executor. I am youthful and my health is pretty good. I feel awful because I feel that I am just their old person they want care for. It is a sickening situation. I miss my brother and now I will lose my family home.
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The trouble IS, Tara, that retirement communities can be VERY expensive -- a lot more so than staying in your own home. So you need a good idea of what it would cost to fix up your home, as well as what your house/land is worth so you can make an intelligent decision that doesn't leave you out on the street or in some dump of a nursing home. You need to be very careful here.
 
Tara said:
My brother died. We shared a house together. I am a youthful 75 yr old lady. His friends are trying to help me with the financial worries. The executor wants me to move to retirement home in a few months because he says the wiring is too dangerous. I own the
House now and I have no family left. Brother died on memorial day.

I am alone in the world. He is like rushing me. He wants me to look at different homes with him.i do not want to do this. I am interested in the Moravian manor in Lancaster. Pa.
I am in good health. What do you think? I do not think that there would be a fire here even with the old fuse box. Is there a waiting time for the. Moravian manor?
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If he is rushing you, bad idea. Don't be rushed. Get another opinion outside his knowledge. Do not be rushed, he may be taking advantage of you in a way he is not letting you know about.
 
The advice you've gotten about seeking advice from senior agencies is important. There are programs and help out there for seniors we don't even know about until we seek them out.

I would also like to add that people who tell you that you should be in a retirement home because you are in your 70's are way off base. I know people who are living on their own who are in their mid to upper 80's. Because of medical advances, being in your 70's is like being in your 50's - 60's decades ago. Go by what you believe you can handle. No one knows you better than you do. You know what you can handle and what you can't.

No matter what, don't let anyone rush you into decisions you might regret.
 
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Good advice here. Do not be pressured into a "retirement home" prematurely.

Not sure what is meant by retirement home. There are independent residences for seniors, which are regular homes but you have to be a certain age to live there. And there is assisted living, sort of midway between independent living and a nursing home. And then there are nursing homes.

What does retirement home even mean? Some people retire in their 50's, and very few are ready for any kind of a care facility at that stage of life.
 
Tara said:
His former boss from one job is a young girl and she thinks because I am 75 I should be in a retirement community...
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William "Captain Kirk" Shatner is 90 years old and is still highly active and still working and living in his own home. So is Nehemiah Persoff (who is 101) shown here appearing on Gilligan's Island playing an escaped dictator from South America. And he's still with his wife, ever since their marriage back in 1951. Both actors are 15 to 25 years older than you and yet are still living and in their own home.

MV5BMTQ3MDc1ODcyMl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwNzYzNDUyMjE@._V1_.jpg
 
Hey Tara, I am late coming to this and I can see you have already gotten some good advice, I will try not to repeat it.

First of all my condolences on the loss of your brother, the combination of losing him and having to make some big life decisions has to be tough. You have my sympathy. And secondly you are doing the right thing thinking about this and trying to find a reasonable solution now, best not to let things go until you are forced into something. A few observations for your consideration:
  • Hard to know about your executor, I would hope he is doing what he thinks best for you, but without knowing a lot more its hard for us to judge. The best you can do is use your common sense, and get second opinions on things, and I think you are doing that.
  • Also hard to know what dangerous electrical means. Lots of houses are not up to code and not wired as well as they should be and never have a problem. Actually dangerous situations leading to fire or shocks are much rarer, but do happen. If you can get the opinion of someone with good electrical knowledge that would help. If not unless something has changed I think you have lived with this a long time, a little longer will probably be fine.
  • Same for the roof, if you do not have ongoing leakage fixing the roof can be safely delayed. If you do it should be addressed, but sometimes a simple fix, well short of replacement, will work.
  • Figuring out something with your sister in law sounds like it might be a good idea, sharing expenses and taking care of each other could help both of you. But again this is only something you can figure out, it depends on you, your sister in law, and your relationship, we don't know much about that.
  • One suggestion I have not seen is the possibility of a reverse mortgage. I am no expert and do not have one myself, but I do know a few people who do and in your situation sounds like it might be something to consider.
  • Asking others for help and advice is good, a really good idea, but don't get overwhelmed with the diversity of advice you get, and try to weigh it all and make your own decisions. I know you seem to be doing that, just keep at it.
  • Finally 75 is too young to assume that just based on age you cannot continue to live alone. My grandfather lived on his own to 95, and we had a neighbor lady who made it to 99 still by herself in her house. It is possible, it depends on you, your health, your resources, and what you want. You know the answers to that better than anyone, I am sure you will make the right decision.
Best of luck with all this, and let us know how it goes.
 
I am so sorry for your loss and all the distress the executor is causing you. One thing that is a temporary fix for a leak in the roof is to pour a little powdered Metamucil on it. It will harden into place. My doctor told me about this.

Please wait to make the decision if you at all can. It is recommended at least a year after the death. Once you've sold your house, you can't go back and change your mind.
 
@Tara
So sorry for your loss......i'm sure it's life changing for you.
Sounds like you're highly capable of taking care of yourself.
PLEASE......don't let anyone rush you into any decisions that you're not ready to make.
Take all the time you need to grieve......no rush.
Take all the time you need about relocating......that's a big change to be rushed into.
Take care of yourself.....Your future is #1 on your list.
 
MickaC said:
@Tara
So sorry for your loss......i'm sure it's life changing for you.
Sounds like you're highly capable of taking care of yourself.
PLEASE......don't let anyone rush you into any decisions that you're not ready to make.
Take all the time you need to grieve......no rush.
Take all the time you need about relocating......that's a big change to be rushed into.
Take care of yourself.....Your future is #1 on your list.
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Aza do
 
Thanks so much . My finance lady good friend said if my sil built an addition to her home and something happened to her down the line,. Her daughter and her boyfriend could kick me out. I guess if I got like to 89;. They would put me in a nursing home. Could a lawyer help with that?
 
Tara said:
finance lady good friend said if my sil built an addition to her home and something happened to her down the line,. Her daughter and her boyfriend could kick me out.
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I don't know and am not a lawyer,
but my guess is that this is correct. You'd be kicked out then,
and this could happen even a very short time after you moved in.

There's nothing saying it wouldn't happen, a month later, and long before you are much older than you are.
Myself, I would find that too insecure,
but you have to weigh your own options.

If you do it anyway, then
You'd need a plan, ahead of time, in case it happens at a time you don't expect.
I mean, it would happen at any unexpected time, that might be a bad time for you.

Again, these are my guesses from life experience. I am not an expert.
 
Tara said:
Thanks so much . My finance lady good friend said if my sil built an addition to her home and something happened to her down the line,. Her daughter and her boyfriend could kick me out. I guess if I got like to 89;. They would put me in a nursing home. Could a lawyer help with that?
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Tara, welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear of your brother's passing and your current dilemma.

To begin with, people don't generally wind up in nursing homes unless their health is quite poor.

If placed in your shoes I'd immediately take a long hard look at my finances.

$633 a month in SS will not go very far anywhere in the US. Your savings, the money your brother left you, and whatever can be gleaned from the sale of that property will need to sustain you for the long haul. If the house is a money pit that will eventually need to be torn down, I'd be disinclined to put money into it.

I'm a bottom line type person - I try to strip the drama and emotion from any crisis I'm facing to get a 20-20 view.

You'd probably do well to separate your affection for the memories of this home and look instead at the practicalities of your next steps. That might be this executor's motivation.
 
There are so many unknowns that could happen. Don’t count on the word of a good friend - anything could change. If she died or decided to sell, you might have no legal say whatsover.

Have you checked out small rentals?
 
Tara, sorry for your loss. It must be so hard for you and I have no advice since you have already received good advice.

My mother lives in a senior apartment complex which is based on income so she has low rent. She is 96 years old. She lives alone and likes it that way. If she can live my herself so can you. Make your own decisions, and don’t be rushed into anything, as everyone else has already said.
 
Hi Tara, I hope things are going smoothly for you at the moment but you're doing the right thing to think of the future. The plan to move in with your Sister-in-Law could be a good one. I would suggest you sit down and talk to the mother and daughter about what could happen in future. An attorney could draw up a proper lease agreement that gives you the option to stay for life. Then, all three of you sign it. --For those of your out there with better sense than I, will that work in her favor?
 
Aneeda72 said:
Tara, sorry for your loss. It must be so hard for you and I have no advice since you have already received good advice.

My mother lives in a senior apartment complex which is based on income so she has low rent. She is 96 years old. She lives alone and likes it that way. If she can live my herself so can you. Make your own decisions, and don’t be rushed into anything, as everyone else has already said.
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Please tell me more about your mother.s senior apartment complex. Is it in a good neighborhood? I live in pa. Thanks.
 

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