Connecting with someone of a different color, race or culture

CinnamonSugar

CinnamonSugar

A Quiet American
It’s easy to fall into the trap of looking at statistics and making broad, sweeping statements about population demographics (ie white/non-Latino population decreasing and Asian, black, Hispanic populations gaining ground). Important for voting political maps but also fostering a “them against us” mentality.

how about we share positive (maybe not completely successful but meant with a good heart) interactions with people of other races/cultures? After all, few of us will deal with whole populations of a race or culture. We will meet people or families; how do we make a connection, build a bridge and foster harmony rather than antipathy?

One example from my own life: as a hospice nurse, I’ve met and served people of various races and cultures. I’m never going to learn fluent Spanish or Toisenese or Yugoslavian, but I made an effort to learn at least how to say “thank you” in their language; gratitude is appreciated world wide.

I have other stories but look forward to hearing your experiences.
 

I don't have a problem with any race, but I do have a problem with loud cultures since I'm an introvert and don't especially like being around people who invade my space.

For example, when I go to the grocery store and there is a family with kids running around screaming and taking stuff off the shelves, and their parents are yelling at them but not really controlling them, I have to admit that I get a bit annoyed. And then there are people at the park who throw their chicken bones on the ground and I have to continuously watch my dog to make sure he doesn't try to eat any of them. And I don't care for cultures that blast their music (unless it's music I like), and that includes pop music.

As long as people leave me alone when I want to be left alone, I don't have any problem with them.

That said, all cultures have something of value or interest such as literature, music, poetry, art, low riders, food, drink, architecture, language... The list goes on.
 
I happen to enjoy people with different accents, languages and appearances. I think it's boring when everybody looks & talks the same & is the same color.
It's rather interesting that I'm like that because I was raised by racists - especially my mom.
 

My neighborhood is a mix of races and ethnic groups (and sexual orientations) and nobody thinks much about it. If you've got a problem with one group or another, you're not going to get along very well here.

The only time we've ever had a any fuss was years ago when a gay couple with a child moved into one of the houses up the block. There was one elderly couple who got their panties all in a bunch about it, but they soon figured out that nobody cared about all their huffing and they soon shut up about it.
 
One example of meaning well and trying to connect but it didn’t go as I hoped:

When my kids were grade school age +, there was a family that lived around the corner. They were East Indian (not sure what part, we didn’t really ever have a chance to talk) and they had the cutest little girl, about kindergarten age

I would drive by and see her playing in the front yard. She had lots of energy and seemed to have a really good imagination

well, a couple years before I had made my youngest daughter a “super hero” costume, which included a red cape with gold lame lining. She had out-grown it, so I took it down the street and (hoping for an opening to friendship) offered it to the mother to let her daughter play with in her pretend-play

I don’t know what faux pas I made but she refused it and seemed very cold about it. Idk if she thought I was trying to get her to pay me for it or if she thought I was giving charity.

maybe I should have just introduced myself and asked the mom her name instead of trying to bring the daughter into the mix.
 
I’ve mixed with a couple and his parents quite a bit who are from Pakistan .
They moved to Australia shortly after being introduced / married ( arranged marriage )
he is a professional and was away from home quite a bit leaving her and a young baby alone with no transport or contact with anyone for hours, she asked me if I’d help her learn to drive so she could get a drivers licence which I did and after about 6 months she obtained her licence .

His mother ( who along with her husband lived in Pakistan but spent 6 months of the year in Australia) she took pleasure in altering and giving me her traditional clothing which was beautiful but way to hot for this country .

The whole family moved away to a city shortly before COVID hit but we are still in contact.

The young wife wanted to move ahead with her profession of a dentist which she haven’t yet worked at since moving to Australia, one of the reasons they moved to a city as well as providing a good education
for their young children who already have their future careers mapped out by their parents.
 
My dad and I had many things in common: both left handed, very good sense of humor, were very good baseball players, read many books (and I do mean MANY), both largely self taught, love to cook, etc. One thing we also had in common was/is that the vast majority of our pals were always white. Mind you, we are both Puerto Rican born.

Dad taught himself English and spoke it very fluently. I have a BA in English. Also taught myself some Italian, Portuguese, and Ladino.

I guess the common thread being that we were both always open minded and receptive to a wide variety of ideas.

Once had an Italian pal who loved food from his culture. But he didn't know a darn thing about the language or its culture. One time we were eating antipasto before we had an Italian dinner. He wondered how peculiar it was that this dish was somehow "anti" or against pasta. I told him anti means 'before' in Italian. Sorta like "anticipate" or something you do or think beforehand. He was quite surprised at that.

I've had similar experiences with pals who were Jewish or Irish. Many discovered that I knew more about their cultural/historical backgrounds than they did. They always ask, how did you know about all that? Very simple, I tell them: just keep an open mind and read lots of books. It sure widens your horizons.
 
CinnamonSugar said:
One example of meaning well and trying to connect but it didn’t go as I hoped:

When my kids were grade school age +, there was a family that lived around the corner. They were East Indian (not sure what part, we didn’t really ever have a chance to talk) and they had the cutest little girl, about kindergarten age

I would drive by and see her playing in the front yard. She had lots of energy and seemed to have a really good imagination

well, a couple years before I had made my youngest daughter a “super hero” costume, which included a red cape with gold lame lining. She had out-grown it, so I took it down the street and (hoping for an opening to friendship) offered it to the mother to let her daughter play with in her pretend-play

I don’t know what faux pas I made but she refused it and seemed very cold about it. Idk if she thought I was trying to get her to pay me for it or if she thought I was giving charity.

maybe I should have just introduced myself and asked the mom her name instead of trying to bring the daughter into the mix.
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it also may have had nothing to do with you necessarily. she just might not have wanted her child to wear something like that.
 
I once asked my Commander why we didn’t have any black pilots in our squadron. He told me to never ask that question again. I never asked it again, not even to any of my teammates, but I kept wondering why he said that and why we never had any blacks in our group. The reason that I asked was because we had three very capable black people (2 male and 1 female) pilots in our training group. Once we were assigned to our different Squadrons, I never saw or ran into any of them. This really perplexed me.

When I left the Marines and got into the Pentagon, I asked a friend I had made about this and he said he thought maybe the Commander didn’t want the question asked was because it may have been a touchy issue among all the brass and he didn’t want to pursue the issue. Didn’t sound logical to me, but maybe?
 
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I grew up in a white, Christian neighborhood composed of people of European origin. I'm of eastern European lineage, and when they settled here, they tended to form their own communities. It was the same with Italians and Irish. Because we were all white, European Christians, melting together was not much of a problem. We sometimes called each other by ethnic slur names, but it wasn't malicious.

My first experience with others outside of what I grew up with was in the service. Since we were all in the same boat as enlistees, we got along.

Now I'm back in the same area I grew up in and it has not changed substantially but it is still changing. In our nearby cities, crime is on the rise and primarily it is from certain cultures and races concentrated in those areas. It would not be PC to identify.
 
My Dad didn't discriminate against, any race and I remember when he worked at the Philadelphia Mint They had a place where you could see the workers doing their jobs. One day my brother came to visit the family with his 3 kids. We all went to see my Dad at his job. He was driving a thing that picked up boxes. When we were watching all the other workers Bowled down and saluted him like he was someone very important. Most of them were black and they wanted to show us how they respected him. I thought they were wonderful to do that.

My husband also has never been prejudice against any race. He worked with a young man that was Black and my Husband helped him a lot. The fellow and my Husband are still friends and he calls my Husband Dad and so does his wife. We were also the only white people at his wedding. We were honored to be invited.
 
oldiebutgoody said:
My dad and I had many things in common: both left handed, very good sense of humor, were very good baseball players, read many books (and I do mean MANY), both largely self taught, love to cook, etc. One thing we also had in common was/is that the vast majority of our pals were always white. Mind you, we are both Puerto Rican born.

Dad taught himself English and spoke it very fluently. I have a BA in English. Also taught myself some Italian, Portuguese, and Ladino.

I guess the common thread being that we were both always open minded and receptive to a wide variety of ideas.

Once had an Italian pal who loved food from his culture. But he didn't know a darn thing about the language or its culture. One time we were eating antipasto before we had an Italian dinner. He wondered how peculiar it was that this dish was somehow "anti" or against pasta. I told him anti means 'before' in Italian. Sorta like "anticipate" or something you do or think beforehand. He was quite surprised at that.

I've had similar experiences with pals who were Jewish or Irish. Many discovered that I knew more about their cultural/historical backgrounds than they did. They always ask, how did you know about all that? Very simple, I tell them: just keep an open mind and read lots of books. It sure widens your horizons.
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This is true, for the same reason people often haven't seen famous places near where they live---they take it for granted, when others travel long distances to see it. Often the curious outsider makes a point of learning about other cultures.
 
Gary O' said:
I've been to a few outa the way places on this planet
Turns out, food is a great connector, no matter where you might be
Don't even have to speak the language

Other than that.....one on one beats hell outa groups

I've got other stories too, but.....it's almost tomorrow here
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Anthony Bourdain knew that and it is part of why his shows were fun and educational.
 
I grew up surrounded by minorities (of which, I am one). We stuck together. When I started working in the civil service, I was pleased to see many minorities, other than myself. We traded recipes, had party invitations, went out for meals to one another's homes. It was educational and I recall those days with great fondness. We are so fortunate to live in a multicultural neighbourhood and city. That's also what I loved about living in Adelaide, SA. It was good to see the students from Asia, and the large Greek and Italian population there.
 
Shero said:
Hello everyone, I am new and don't quite know where to start. Anyway, since this is the first topic I viewed, I shall start here. I find a lot of joy mixing with various races. I travel a great deal and I make a point of connecting with the natives of the countries I visit.
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@Shero .. welcome to the forum! You might want to post in the Introduction thread, so others can welcome you, and you can provide us a few more details about yourself :)

I'm in Toronto ..
toronto nightscape.JPG
 
Didn't make the conscious choice myself. i was raised to assess people on the basis of their behaviors, how they treated others not on external things like race, ethnicity/culture, faith or even disability. While i don't remember my first year of life spent in trailer camp full of circus sideshow people my family stayed friend's with the folks at the Giant's Camp in Gibsonton, Fl for years and we visited often. Because they'd known me as infant any one in camp would come up to diner area see how i was doing while Dad talked with Mr. Tremayne about various things.

Never made it a point to 'make friends' with people of other backgrounds but then i rarely 'tried to make friends' at all, a born loner. But was somewhat open to it and let it happen naturally due to shared interests and tastes (in music, art, literature etc). Among the many things my Dad gave me i think this was one the best, because knowing people of various cultures has enriched my life greatly, helped me broaden my perspectives on a lot of things.
 
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Shero said:
Hello everyone, I am new and don't quite know where to start. Anyway, since this is the first topic I viewed, I shall start here. I find a lot of joy mixing with various races. I travel a great deal and I make a point of connecting with the natives of the countries I visit.
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not tryin' to hijack this thread, but just wanna say - welcome aboard...

back when I was working as a Merchant Marine - all I wanted to do, when we were up against the dock, was go ashore, hang with the locals and absorb some of their culture - talk about an education...
 
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I live in a diverse neighborhood that reflects the city where I live. We have a little bit more exposure to people from around the world because we have a university, several colleges, a research hospital, etc...

My interactions with the people I encounter are friendly and respectful but I don’t attempt to insert myself into their lives. We just seem to accept each other.

When people feel the need to cultivate or categorize their relationships by race it sends up red flags to me.

IMO we would all be better off if we didn’t place so much emphasis on race in the media and government statistics.
 
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