Conversation With Grandchildren???

L

Lon

Well-known Member
Location
Central California
Last night I went to a family dinner at my married daughters house. Her three children (my grandchildren) and their spouses are all in there 30's. Present also was their three children (my greats). The greats played together quietly in another room as the adults sat together in the living room before dinner. Other than a brief conversation with my SIL I sat there like a frog on a lily pad with no one to talk to. If I initiate conversation with any of my grands they give a brief response but never engage me in conversation of any kind and this really bugs me as it happens all the time. Granted, I am 45 years older than they are and living in a different enviornment with little in common. They seem to prefer sitting with their individual I Phones (which I have as well) and checking their email or texting some one. and will occasionally make a remark to one of their siblings. All three grand kids and their spouses are very close and get along very well with one another. I left right after dinner rather than sit once again in isolation mode. I imagine this scenario is not uncommon but none the less. I would really enjoy more conversation with these grands that I did not have to start.
 

Welcome to reality. I "enjoy" the same situation with our Grandchildren and g grandchildren. Others tell me they too are taking second place to various handheld "computer" phones, games, etc.
 
I ban them when my children and I meet!
 

I find that if I can get my 'greats' off to myself, like one on one, we do much better, although I do understand what you're saying, I've noticed my grandchildren not answering some of my emails....like my email is not important or 'what in the h*ll is momo talking about now'....lol

When they all come for Christmas there is no TV and no electronic games.
 
I agree that's very distressing, Lon and It's not as if you don't have a lot to offer. Do you think that your hearing impairment is placing demands on the younger generation that they're unwilling to meet? Believe me I'm not excusing their behavior.
 
My grandkids (the adult ones) are always right in the middle of things and engage in conversation with everyone,including their grandparents. They all have phones,of course,but rarely sit around on them when we are there. My hubby and the grandsons (the ones that are teens and older) text each other all.the.time-mostly (almost exclusively) talking sports. The boys think Gpa has all the answers when it comes to sports,be it football,baseball or golf. They go out and play golf together all the time as well. I`m wondering if Josiah is right-maybe a hearing impairment is causing issues. My hubby also has hearing issues and frequently,when there are lots of people around,he doesn`t contribute to the conversation a whole lot. If you aren`t able to hear and follow the conversation, you do tend to just get kind of passed over,I`ve noticed.
 
Josiah09 said:
I agree that's very distressing, Lon and It's not as if you don't have a lot to offer. Do you think that your hearing impairment is placing demands on the younger generation that they're unwilling to meet? Believe me I'm not excusing their behavior.
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I'm sure my poor hearing is part of the problem.
 
Mrs. Robinson said:
My grandkids (the adult ones) are always right in the middle of things and engage in conversation with everyone,including their grandparents. They all have phones,of course,but rarely sit around on them when we are there. My hubby and the grandsons (the ones that are teens and older) text each other all.the.time-mostly (almost exclusively) talking sports. The boys think Gpa has all the answers when it comes to sports,be it football,baseball or golf. They go out and play golf together all the time as well. I`m wondering if Josiah is right-maybe a hearing impairment is causing issues. My hubby also has hearing issues and frequently,when there are lots of people around,he doesn`t contribute to the conversation a whole lot. If you aren`t able to hear and follow the conversation, you do tend to just get kind of passed over,I`ve noticed.
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I think too, age is a factor. Young grandparents seem to do better than we older ones. I think they think we are too old to "get it". Little do they know.
 
I sure know how you feel Lon. I often wonder when respect for your elders disappeared from American society.
 
Lon, they have "social skills", just not with our age bracket or the "social skills" we grew up with. Unfortunately, just the way it is. It isn't going to change.

Lon said:
I really don't think it's about respect, It seems to me to be more a matter of a lack of Social Skills with this 30ish age group.
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My adult grandchildren talk to me quite a lot when we are together.
Some even seek out my company.
Less so with hubby and I suspect there are two reasons for this.

1. I was the one who spent most time with them when they were little. I took them places in the school holidays, movies, lunches, the theatre. We're bonded together by food, memories and Doctor Who. I stayed with them in their houses when their parents occasionally went away for up to a week. I hosted sleepovers at my place, sometimes for all six of the at once. Hubby was less available through no fault of his own.

2. I listen to them before I start bestowing my wisdom. I try to give my wisdom sparingly. Hubby pontificates as the default position. He goes on and on with the good advice. To be fair, he is also rather deaf and finds it hard to hear voices other than his own.

I always knew that if I wanted to have relationships with my adult grand children then I would have to forge them when they were little.
I would also have to recognise that when they were grown they would want to be treated as grown ups.
 
Dame Warrigal said:
My adult grandchildren talk to me quite a lot when we are together.
Some even seek out my company.
Less so with hubby and I suspect there are two reasons for this.

1. I was the one who spent most time with them when they were little. I took them places in the school holidays, movies, lunches, the theatre. We're bonded together by food, memories and Doctor Who. I stayed with them in their houses when their parents occasionally went away for up to a week. I hosted sleepovers at my place, sometimes for all six of the at once. Hubby was less available through no fault of his own.

2. I listen to them before I start bestowing my wisdom. I try to give my wisdom sparingly. Hubby pontificates as the default position. He goes on and on with the good advice. To be fair, he is also rather deaf and finds it hard to hear voices other than his own.

I always knew that if I wanted to have relationships with my adult grand children then I would have to forge them when they were little.
I would also have to recognise that when they were grown they would want to be treated as grown ups.
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Bonding----That's a good point. When my thirty something year old grand children were little I was working long hours and traveling . My wife at that time spent lots of time with them and bonded as you say. She died in1989 and I remarried shortly there after, so I never really bonded.
 
Don't worry Lon. Blood ties are thick. They do love you, as mine love their Pa. Over time, as their lives change, you will have new opportunities to strengthen the bonds that you have now. Just go easy on telling them how to live their lives. Experience and their own mistakes will do that for you. They may even seek you out as a wisdom figure when they wise up a bit themselves.
 
My granddaughter was born into my hands...literally. We have always been close. Now that she has graduated from college and is out on her own, I was prepared for less contact, but I have been pleasantly surprised by the amount of phone calls I get from her.....she wants recipes, she wants advice, and sometimes she just wants to vent. I love it.
 
jujube said:
My granddaughter was born into my hands...literally. We have always been close. Now that she has graduated from college and is out on her own, I was prepared for less contact, but I have been pleasantly surprised by the amount of phone calls I get from her.....she wants recipes, she wants advice, and sometimes she just wants to vent. I love it.
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That's great Jujube! I'm happy for you :love_heart:
 
When ever I meet up with my children and their
children, I confiscate all phones and switch them
off.

You cannot speak to somebody who is somewhere
else, but still in the same room.

Mike.
 
I think this is the only area that gives me some sadness. I do not have a very close relationship with my grandchildren, because my daughter in law does not really want anything to do the her husband's (my son) family. She has a very large close knit Italian family that leaves very little room for "outsiders".... which is how she views my us. I really have never had the chance to keep the kids over night or to take them anywhere or do things with them. My son brings them over to see us 3 or 4 times a year and when they are over, it takes time for them to warm up to us... and then it's time for them to leave. It's better than nothing I suppose, as I know grandparents who are not even allowed to see their grandkids... but when I hear how others are so close to their grandkids.. it kind of makes me sad for myself.
 

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