How does a person live alone and not get lonely?

Verisure said:
What?! "Being lonely" has little to do with 'keeping busy'.
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To each their own. As for me, I subscribe to the old adage that busy hands are happy hands.


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Verisure said:
Loneliness is not a physical ailment.
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You're right, Verisure, but keeping active also occupies the mind. After my husband passed away, I kept busy so I wouldn't mourn the loss or feel lonely. It kept my mind occupied and helped alleviate anxieties. Also, have you heard about the mind-body connection? It has been shown that the mind can really affect the body. :)
 

Verisure said:
If “Grow up! Quit feeling sorry for yourself! Get a hobby!” is the only advice we are willing to offer the lonely people who are reading this thread then we lack sympathy as a forum and I am ashamed to be part of it.
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Dunno why you feel that way but it's your right to do so.

As for me, I've been alone all my life. While you may not be able to control what happens to you or your circumstances in life (and as I've posted enough times, my life is been a very bad one), one is generally free to deal with it as they wish. Now, if some wealthy heiress wishes to walk into my life, she is free to do so. But I won't hold my breath waiting for her to make an appearance. That's a promise ;)
 
Get a dog. Especially older dogs in shelters will give you lots of love & companionship. I have Rosie hat's 10.5 years old Beagle/terrier mix. She is sure a lot of company. I can talk to her & she will turn her head like she is trying to understand what I'm saying.
 

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Verisure said:
I know why you "dunno".
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We have a bulletin board next to our mailbox in the building I live in. There are five advertisements from groups that assist seniors. They offer shopping trips, assisted living with household chores, weekly or periodic phone calls, classes in crafts, bingo, and other activities. Like most cities in the USA there are churches everywhere in my neighborhood - there is a very large community center on the same block that I live on and a church just across the street from it. (I well remember my days in Brooklyn New York where there were areas such as Park Slope where there is a church in every corner.) Every church has senior groups. We have endless fraternal groups such as Masons, Knights of Columbus, Optimist Clubs, Eagles, American Legion, and so on. There are disability advocacy groups and government agencies who also provide help to anyone who needs it. How can anyone be "lonely" with all this on their side?
 
oldiebutgoody said:
We have a bulletin board next to our mailbox in the building I live in. There are five advertisements from groups that assist seniors. They offer shopping trips, assisted living with household chores, weekly or periodic phone calls, classes in crafts, bingo, and other activities. Like most cities in the USA there are churches everywhere in my neighborhood - there is a very large community center on the same block that I live on and a church just across the street from it. (I well remember my days in Brooklyn New York where there were areas such as Park Slope where there is a church in every corner.) Every church has senior groups. We have endless fraternal groups such as Masons, Knights of Columbus, Optimist Clubs, Eagles, American Legion, and so on. There are disability advocacy groups and government agencies who also provide help to anyone who needs it. How can anyone be "lonely" with all this on their side?
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Because a lot of us live in areas where, even before Covid, there was next to nothing offered to help seniors--my area doesn't even have and has never had a Seniors Center, just a sparsely-staffed branch of Area on Aging--and Covid of course shut down what little there was. What a lot of people don't realize is that there are several areas of the U.S. where it's in some ways pretty much like the old wild west: the only socializing on offer is to go to church or a bar and for those of us who are atheist and don't drink and as around here, it's too hot and smoky about 9 months out of the year to even go for a walk, that leaves nothing in the way of socializing. So thank goodness for the internet, books and tv. I would love to have someone to talk to IRL about anything other than their grandkids or Jesus, but oh well.
 
Tom 86 said:
Get a dog. Especially older dogs in shelters will give you lots of love & companionship. I have Rosie hat's 10.5 years old Beagle/terrier mix. She is sure a lot of company. I can talk to her & she will turn her head like she is trying to understand what I'm saying.
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As much as I love dogs, it's best not to get a dog if you're elderly since then you'll have to worry about who'll take the dog if it outlives you. And the response to that I always hear of "Oh, well, then, get a dog that's old too." Oh, great: then at this tired, old, sad age I got having to tearfully put another dog to sleep to look forward to; yeah, no thanks, already been through too much of that.
 
palides2021 said:
I have a question for those of you who have said they are comfortable living alone -
What brings you here to the Senior Forum? Isn't it a way of socializing? Just curious. I feel
like kindred spirits are here, so I keep coming back. :)
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Yes, it is socialization and interaction with others. That is true. I find work, because it's very stressful for me, to be not a place where I socialize or enjoy the company of those I work with. I sometimes smile at people I actually do not like. Some of them I do like, but it's work, my survival and so I leave it at that.
 
officerripley said:
Because a lot of us live in areas where, even before Covid, there was next to nothing offered to help seniors--my area doesn't even have and has never had a Seniors Center, just a sparsely-staffed branch of Area on Aging--and Covid of course shut down what little there was. What a lot of people don't realize is that there are several areas of the U.S. where it's in some ways pretty much like the old wild west: the only socializing on offer is to go to church or a bar and for those of us who are atheist and don't drink and as around here, it's too hot and smoky about 9 months out of the year to even go for a walk, that leaves nothing in the way of socializing. So thank goodness for the internet, books and tv. I would love to have someone to talk to IRL about anything other than their grandkids or Jesus, but oh well.
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Over the 30+ years that I've lived in Minnesota, I have passed thru many small towns here and in Wisconsin where (as they say) you could throw a stone from one end to the other. Every one has signs when you enter which read "Free and Accepted Masons" or some other such fraternal groups.

Does your town have this:


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As for IRLs, there are plenty on Twitch.com and others on youtube. I'm on both every day and often communicate with the channel hosts or with subscribers.
 
oldiebutgoody said:
Over the 30+ years that I've lived in Minnesota, I have passed thru many small towns here and in Wisconsin where (as they say) you could throw a stone from one end to the other. Every one has signs when you enter which read "Free and Accepted Masons" or some other such fraternal groups.

Does your town have this:


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As for IRLs, there are plenty on Twitch.com and others on youtube. I'm on both every day and often communicate with the channel hosts or with subscribers.
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I guess not because I don't recognize any of those signs. I think there used to be a Kiwanis Club but it was just for retired businessmen. (I wasn't even a businesswoman. 😄) There also used to be a grandmothers' club but I think all the members died. There are about 4 meetup.com groups around here but the 2 that I was interested in are all people who are at least 20 years younger than I and always wanting to do activities that I'm too old for (driving, going to the movies, activism that involves a lot of physicality, etc.). I really liked the gals in the 2 groups I tried but since they are so much younger than I they were all very (justifiably) involved with their careers, elderly parents, kids, significant others and I even managed to get the cold shoulder from one who dislikes Boomers. (She's right; we Boomers had a chance to do something about the environment especially--our generation was the first whose attention it was brought to--but too many of us didn't.) And the library had a book club I went to for a while but the other members (a lot of wealthy older ladies) were always getting offended ("It had the F-word in it!" Or "It had homosexual people in it!") by most of the books I suggested. 😄
 
Shero said:
Sratching around for something to do to avert lonliness is a short term thing. For long term. start on the inside, meditate, go where there are meditators. Unravel what is happenng inside, then when you have a little idea, look around for something that interests you. Okay, I am done here :p
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I think meditation can be good unless you're "allergic" to it like me; all it ever did for me was bore me almost to tears or else make me feel anxious; I get enough of that without meditating. 😄

The more I think about it, I really think I agree with some advice I got a few years ago: someone said to me, "You know, with the hobbies you enjoy and the political leanings you have, and the fact that you're an atheist (agnostic on bad days, lol) and an environmentalist whose favorite outdoor activity is going back inside, I think you'd be happier (or happy at all!) in or very near a big city." Boy, don't I know it! I was born and raised near a big city and the older I get, the more I miss it, but even if we could afford it, Huzz would never in a million years move to somewhere like that. So here I stay. I think I'm a member of a really large club; most of the elderly women I know, both IRL and online, especially if they're still married, are not happy where they live but can't afford or convince their huzz'es to move. If you live long enough, old age really sucks, sigh.
 
oldiebutgoody said:
oldiebutgoddy doesn't fell lonely then no one else shoiudWe have a bulletin board next to our mailbox in the building I live in. There are five advertisements from groups that assist seniors. They offer shopping trips, assisted living with household chores, weekly or periodic phone calls, classes in crafts, bingo, and other activities. Like most cities in the USA there are churches everywhere in my neighborhood - there is a very large community center on the same block that I live on and a church just across the street from it. (I well remember my days in Brooklyn New York where there were areas such as Park Slope where there is a church in every corner.) Every church has senior groups. We have endless fraternal groups such as Masons, Knights of Columbus, Optimist Clubs, Eagles, American Legion, and so on. There are disability advocacy groups and government agencies who also provide help to anyone who needs it. How can anyone be "lonely" with all this on their side?
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Yes, despite your rhetorical question "How can anyone be "lonely" with all this on their side?" you still 'dunno' because you are talking about yourself and are insensitive to those who suffer from loneliness. The conscientious concern is not "If oldiebutgoody is not lonely then no one else should be". No, the conscientious concern is "loneliness exists despite all this on their side so we need to understand why that is". I can think of several reasons off the top of my head so it isn't very difficult to understand ..... if you wanted to.
 
officerripley said:
I think meditation can be good unless you're "allergic" to it like me; all it ever did for me was bore me almost to tears or else make me feel anxious; I get enough of that without meditating. 😄

The more I think about it, I really think I agree with some advice I got a few years ago: someone said to me, "You know, with the hobbies you enjoy and the political leanings you have, and the fact that you're an atheist (agnostic on bad days, lol) and an environmentalist whose favorite outdoor activity is going back inside, I think you'd be happier (or happy at all!) in or very near a big city." Boy, don't I know it! I was born and raised near a big city and the older I get, the more I miss it, but even if we could afford it, Huzz would never in a million years move to somewhere like that. So here I stay. I think I'm a member of a really large club; most of the elderly women I know, both IRL and online, especially if they're still married, are not happy where they live but can't afford or convince their huzz'es to move. If you live long enough, old age really sucks, sigh.
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Yes, that is a dilemma, especially in older age, having to live where you rather not. Hopefully one day your husband will change his mind.
 
officerripley said:
I guess not because I don't recognize any of those signs. I think there used to be a Kiwanis Club but it was just for retired businessmen. (I wasn't even a businesswoman. 😄) There also used to be a grandmothers' club but I think all the members died. There are about 4 meetup.com groups around here but the 2 that I was interested in are all people who are at least 20 years younger than I and always wanting to do activities that I'm too old for (driving, going to the movies, activism that involves a lot of physicality, etc.). I really liked the gals in the 2 groups I tried but since they are so much younger than I they were all very (justifiably) involved with their careers, elderly parents, kids, significant others and I even managed to get the cold shoulder from one who dislikes Boomers. (She's right; we Boomers had a chance to do something about the environment especially--our generation was the first whose attention it was brought to--but too many of us didn't.) And the library had a book club I went to for a while but the other members (a lot of wealthy older ladies) were always getting offended ("It had the F-word in it!" Or "It had homosexual people in it!") by most of the books I suggested. 😄
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Every Mason group has a female auxiliary. I can hardly believe you were not aware of this. Dunno what else I could suggest. But as Rosseau once said, we must all cultivate our gardens. Perhaps there is something you can do at home to help the hours pass along. If I had my own house I'd be planting, gardening, harvesting, and preserving goodies all the times.
 
Verisure said:
Yes, despite your rhetorical question "How can anyone be "lonely" with all this on their side?" you still 'dunno' because you are talking about yourself and are insensitive to those who suffer from loneliness. The conscientious concern is not "If oldiebutgoody is not lonely then no one else should be". No, the conscientious concern is "loneliness exists despite all this on their side so we need to understand why that is". I can think of several reasons off the top of my head so it isn't very difficult to understand ..... if you wanted to.
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Sorry my replies offend you as that certainly was not my intention. As for me, I've been alone all my life and have never been lonely for a minute. There's a great big world out there and since we have but one life to live, let's make the most of it.
 
officerripley said:
I think meditation can be good unless you're "allergic" to it like me; all it ever did for me was bore me almost to tears or else make me feel anxious; I get enough of that without meditating. 😄

The more I think about it, I really think I agree with some advice I got a few years ago: someone said to me, "You know, with the hobbies you enjoy and the political leanings you have, and the fact that you're an atheist (agnostic on bad days, lol) and an environmentalist whose favorite outdoor activity is going back inside, I think you'd be happier (or happy at all!) in or very near a big city." Boy, don't I know it! I was born and raised near a big city and the older I get, the more I miss it, but even if we could afford it, Huzz would never in a million years move to somewhere like that. So here I stay. I think I'm a member of a really large club; most of the elderly women I know, both IRL and online, especially if they're still married, are not happy where they live but can't afford or convince their huzz'es to move. If you live long enough, old age really sucks, sigh.
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Been reading your replies. Your tone suggests to me that you are having a rough time of it for some reason unknown to me. I really hope you find something good and positive to bring you out of it. ;)
 
oldiebutgoody said:
Every Mason group has a female auxiliary. I can hardly believe you were not aware of this. Dunno what else I could suggest. But as Rosseau once said, we must all cultivate our gardens. Perhaps there is something you can do at home to help the hours pass along. If I had my own house I'd be planting, gardening, harvesting, and preserving goodies all the times.
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I do like to read, watch movies, and play games on the computer which do help to pass the hours along but I really like sharing things with people who are interested in at least a few of the things (sociology, anthropology, feminism, archeology, astronomy) I'm interested in; I really miss having someone to share things with. Huzz and I do still share a little bit but we can't talk about politics anymore because we've become on opposite sides and about the only other things he likes to talk about is golf which I hate. Once in a while we'll watch a movie that we both like, usually though one of us will like it and the other one won't.

More and more, my dream of the perfect life would be in a sophisticated, big city apartment (kind of like the Bob Newhart show, remember that one, with Suzanne Pleshette?) and Huzz says that sounds like hell to him, so oh well.
 
Ruthanne said:
Been reading your replies. Your tone suggests to me that you are having a rough time of it for some reason unknown to me. I really hope you find something good and positive to bring you out of it. ;)
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Thanks, Ruthanne. I hope for something positive too. One thing that I think would help would be to move out of this big place into somewhere just slightly smaller, closer to town and places I could walk to since I don't drive much anymore and I'll think that maybe Huzz will be starting to come around and I get my hopes up and then he doubles down again on staying here ("I'm only leaving here feet-first!") and then I'm even lower than I was before. (He did that yesterday.) I really need to stop getting my hopes up; it's too hard when I get let down again, I'm getting way too old for this.
 
Shero said:
Sratching around for something to do to avert lonliness is a short term thing. For long term. start on the inside, meditate, go where there are meditators. Unravel what is happenng inside, then when you have a little idea, look around for something that interests you. Okay, I am done here :p
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You make a good point in that according to the medical field loneliness is often caused by low self esteem and other medical issues: https://www.google.com/search?q=low...hUKEwj4zNHYrJT0AhWTXc0KHbKuCsgQ4dUDCA8&uact=5

The best place to start on the road to recovery is at the doctor's office.
 
Shero said:
Sratching around for something to do to avert lonliness is a short term thing. For long term. start on the inside, meditate, go where there are meditators. Unravel what is happenng inside, then when you have a little idea, look around for something that interests you. Okay, I am done here :p
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I couldn't agree more. I was forced to retire at 63 due to Covid. Although it happened when I was much younger than I expected, I knew there was little likelihood that I could get back into the workforce. I honestly wasn't sure how I would handle going from 60 to 0 in a month, so I started going to the lake near our house and reading self-help books. I guess I meditate to some degree because I just take in nature and marvel at the scenery. Everyone talks about being "in the moment", but I actually heard a group of birds chattering and when I looked up they were a group of beautiful green Parakeets. I would have never noticed them when I was working.

My goal in life when I worked was to make my employer happy and to make money. It is now to be a better and happier version of myself.
 

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