How does a person live alone and not get lonely?

I am an only child and an introvert. By some strange twist of fate, I found most of my career in sales so I learned how to interact with others. There were some I truly liked and some I pretended to like.

I managed a group of 13 salespeople, perhaps because I was more detached from their drama. Now that I am retired, I do find a need for some amount of social interaction. I get that through contacting my previous co-workers and volunteering. But if I spend a day alone I am just fine.
 
oldiebutgoody said:
I also marvel at the incessant threads about "loneliness" and just cannot understand people's endless obsession with it. People need to grow up and to grow out of their self made problem. Like you, I keep busy by reading, cooking, watching sports, cleaning my apartment, watching youtube videos, etc.
All those tears these people have - yuck. If only they could see how silly it is to keep crying in public about nothing.
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Mother Theresa once said, "Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat". I think she truly saw true loneliness for what it is. I think she was right.
 
Manatee said:
My wife has been in hospital/rehab since early March. We have been married for 62 years, I miss having her around. Going to visit every day is not the same.
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Manatee, I understand you missing her. When my husband passed away, I felt as if a part of me had died. He had literally become an extension of me. We complimented each other so well, and it took me all these years to get used to living by myself again. He was my best friend, my parent, lover, and advisor. When you have a good relationship, it's hard to let go.
 
palides2021 said:
Manatee, I understand you missing her. When my husband passed away, I felt as if a part of me had died. He had literally become an extension of me. We complimented each other so well, and it took me all these years to get used to living by myself again. He was my best friend, my parent, lover, and advisor. When you have a good relationship, it's hard to let go.
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If there was a Care emoji I would send it. I can't even imagine. It must take such strength. I hope you find this forum cathartic.
 
Skyking said:
Mother Theresa once said, "Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat". I think she truly saw true loneliness for what it is. I think she was right.
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She should have taken lessons from Gary Zukav:


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I sometimes wonder whoever said we have to be social animals. I would tell them what I thought about that.

Many a person in history survived on their own with minimal social contact. I believe I fall in that category. I prefer aloneness from most other humans. I just think it's better this way. People are not so great IMO.
 
After my husband died I became fearful of being alone, but I still had my daughter. When my daughter died I became even more worried.

I went to a therapist. Got a lot of you should do this, you should do that. I didn't want to do anything, my husband and daughter were gone.

I quit going to the therapist and decided to carve out a life for myself. I'm doing ok with that. What bothers me most is someone telling me I shouldn't be alone. I call that a cheap shot because it usually comes from people who still have family living with them.

I met my sister-in-law in the store the other day. Her husband died very recently. I asked her if people were saying, and telling her to do stupid things. She looked so relieved and said yes. Some one told her to sell the chair her husband sat in, that getting rid of it would be good for her. Well she found comfort in having it there. I told her I still have my husband's chair too. I never sit in it because that's his and I have no intention of getting rid of it.

People need to know they're OK more than where they fall on the loneliness scale according to some arbitrary rules of life. Just sayin', someday it could be you.
 
Judycat said:
After my husband died I became fearful of being alone, but I still had my daughter. When my daughter died I became even more worried.

I went to a therapist. Got a lot of you should do this, you should do that. I didn't want to do anything, my husband and daughter were gone.

I quit going to the therapist and decided to carve out a life for myself. I'm doing ok with that. What bothers me most is someone telling me I shouldn't be alone. I call that a cheap shot because it usually comes from people who still have family living with them.

I met my sister-in-law in the store the other day. Her husband died very recently. I asked her if people were saying, and telling her to do stupid things. She looked so relieved and said yes. Some one told her to sell the chair her husband sat in, that getting rid of it would be good for her. Well she found comfort in having it there. I told her I still have my husband's chair too. I never sit in it because that's his and I have no intention of getting rid of it.

People need to know they're OK more than where they fall on the loneliness scale according to some arbitrary rules of life. Just sayin', someday it could be you.
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So true. Having never been married, many people tell me I should find a partner so I will not be alone as I age.
My whole being for living is to be out in the deep bush with nature and the critters.
Why would I need someone to be with me when I am at peace alone in the bush?
 
Bretrick said:
So true. Having never been married, many people tell me I should find a partner so I will not be alone as I age.
My whole being for living is to be out in the deep bush with nature and the critters.
Why would I need someone to be with me when I am at peace alone in the bush?
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Nothing like peace and quiet. I'm not looking for live-in company either.
 
Bretrick said:
I have lived alone for more than 30 years and in all that time I have never been lonely.
Some people do not need others around them to enjoy life.
While others have this compulsion to talk for talking's sake. To engage non stop in chit chat.
My method to stave off loneliness is to have a huge variety of interests. Be it Jigsaw Puzzles, crosswords, reading both fiction(horror) and non fiction books.
My number one method to keeping boredom at bay is to go camping across this wide state of mine. Western Australia is 2.646 million sq km's.(England is 130,000)
Camping, fishing, beach combing, bush walking, easy mountain climbing, canoeing, crabbing.
I know marriage is no guarantee to stave off loneliness. I have a strong self image of myself so I do not need constant reassurance from others. I do engage with those around me. I know my local corner store owner by name. We share life's little moments when I visit the store.
If and when negative thoughts crop up in my mind, and it does happen from time to time, I actively take steps to be rid of them. I say out loud, "Get out of my head, you are not wanted"
I write the negativity out of my mind. Very effective way to remove it. Pick up a pen and write. Do not think about what to write. Just let it flow until there is no more.
My life is one of contentment that I have made to work. It does not happen without putting in some effort. I smile inwardly when I hear people say, " I'm bored"
I think, "Well your not putting in an effort to change the situation."
Life does not come knocking on your door. You want a life of contentment? Get out there and make it.
Okay, so far I am not house bound and have the energy and drive to go out and about.
When I lose that? The afore mentioned activities will help stave off loneliness.
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You could get out into the Nullarbor with a spade, dig a shallow hole and sit in it for a while but I'm not sure if that'll make you happy or depressed.
 
Bretrick said:
I have lived alone for more than 30 years and in all that time I have never been lonely.
Some people do not need others around them to enjoy life.
While others have this compulsion to talk for talking's sake. To engage non stop in chit chat.
My method to stave off loneliness is to have a huge variety of interests. Be it Jigsaw Puzzles, crosswords, reading both fiction(horror) and non fiction books.
My number one method to keeping boredom at bay is to go camping across this wide state of mine. Western Australia is 2.646 million sq km's.(England is 130,000)
Camping, fishing, beach combing, bush walking, easy mountain climbing, canoeing, crabbing.
I know marriage is no guarantee to stave off loneliness. I have a strong self image of myself so I do not need constant reassurance from others. I do engage with those around me. I know my local corner store owner by name. We share life's little moments when I visit the store.
If and when negative thoughts crop up in my mind, and it does happen from time to time, I actively take steps to be rid of them. I say out loud, "Get out of my head, you are not wanted"
I write the negativity out of my mind. Very effective way to remove it. Pick up a pen and write. Do not think about what to write. Just let it flow until there is no more.
My life is one of contentment that I have made to work. It does not happen without putting in some effort. I smile inwardly when I hear people say, " I'm bored"
I think, "Well your not putting in an effort to change the situation."
Life does not come knocking on your door. You want a life of contentment? Get out there and make it.
Okay, so far I am not house bound and have the energy and drive to go out and about.
When I lose that? The afore mentioned activities will help stave off loneliness.
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The reason you don't get lonely is (to me at least) you like yourself and enjoy your own company! Wouldn't it be great if others followed suit?
 
oldiebutgoody said:
I also marvel at the incessant threads about "loneliness" and just cannot understand people's endless obsession with it. People need to grow up and to grow out of their self made problem. Like you, I keep busy by reading, cooking, watching sports, cleaning my apartment, watching youtube videos, etc.
All those tears these people have - yuck. If only they could see how silly it is to keep crying in public about nothing.
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What?! "Being lonely" has little to do with 'keeping busy'.

 
Humans spent thousands of years evolving into a species that then spent another at least 25,000 years (some think it was closer to 50,000 years) after they had become homo sapiens (i.e., same brains we have now, they're pretty sure) living in those close-quatered hunter/gatherer tribes, wherein it appears that only the first 3 or 4 hours a day were spent hunting or gathering; the rest of the days were spent back at the main campsite gossiping, in other words the dreaded (by some apparently) chit chat. So enjoying the company of other humans and chit chat seems to be the natural condition for humans. Those of us who would rather be alone all the time are outliers. (I don't want to be alone all the time, just occasionally. I'm still an unnatural outlier, though, feels like it anyway and it also feels unhealthy emotionally-wise. 😥 )
 
officerripley said:
Humans spent thousands of years evolving into a species that then spent another at least 25,000 years (some think it was closer to 50,000 years) after they had become homo sapiens (i.e., same brains we have now, they're pretty sure) living in those close-quatered hunter/gatherer tribes, wherein it appears that only the first 3 or 4 hours a day were spent hunting or gathering; the rest of the days were spent back at the main campsite gossiping, in other words the dreaded (by some apparently) chit chat. So enjoying the company of other humans and chit chat seems to be the natural condition for humans. Those of us who would rather be alone all the time are outliers. (I don't want to be alone all the time, just occasionally. I'm still an unnatural outlier, though, feels like it anyway and it also feels unhealthy emotionally-wise. 😥 )
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I read once that gossip has been linked to a survival process (don't know if it's true). Gossip was a way to sift out the outliers and those who were worthy of gossip. In other words, if so-and-so did something that was not accepted by society, they would be talked about.
 

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